Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Lila's Books - The Blog!
This was my response:
Okay, Once again I appreciate free speech and different opinions. It is a right I employ regularly with this blog, with life, and with writing. That being said I do think there is a time and a place for rants. I think your rant is cowardly. I am pretty sure I speak for all 3 of us. You come to our blog and read and we love readers but you post on a blog connected to a grieving widow belittling the mission her husband died serving and you don't even have the guts to use your name or even take the time to consider what she would feel reading your comments.
Now to your rant itself. It is not our job to choose who lives or dies. What chooses that and I am willing to bet the men who served and are serving agree is weather or not they are the one pointing the gun, carrying the bomb, or shouting their rhetoric. There are proven reports of good Nazi's. Men who put on the uniform to save their own lives and that of their families and then used that uniform to run info to our allies, help Jewish families escape, or even hid Jewish families themselves. No people is defined by a label in my opinion and it is thinking and judging a complete group based on the misdeeds of some that is bringing the world down. Maggy had a very close friend who honestly was like family during her marriage to a soldier. This soldier fought hard for the US. He wore his fatigues with courage and pride and he never wavered from his commitment to this country and to the mission even during his deployment. He was Muslim. To belittle an entire group of people belittles his sacrifice for your right to bash him and it disgusts me. Before you spew hate take a moment to think. Think about who it could impact and who could be reading it. Remember when you do that the woman you feel bad for stands up with courage and pride in her husband. My nephew is serving overseas right now and while he is not in a combat zone I still worry and have pride in him and his service. I am proud of every member serving. They are not doing it to fight against any one but to fight for those who need them and for the country they love. Once again the mission isn't the issue. They see the big picture. White, black, Catholic, Muslim, Straight, or Gay. It doesn't matter to them. They serve to protect the ones they love and the country they love and the values they love.
So before you come onto our blog and anonymously rant about anyone or anything remember: While I am a firm believer of free speech on this blog my free speech trumps yours. If you can not show respect to our troops and their sacrifices then don't speak.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
LOL see how my mind runs. This started as a reflection on my brain being all over the place and ended up being a worrying session. I drive myself batty. A few think I should self-pub but I honestly doubt I would make any real sales. I also think my series concept has some major potential (Thanks North for being a sounding board!) as it crosses genres and is fairly rare in the way I am thinking of it. I know that it has been sort of done but not exactly what I want to do. I want it to be about the crimes and the survival and the supernatural all in one tight package. I think I can do that. I think I can do that well. BUT if the first books I have ready are contemporary romantic suspense then do i look for an agent who does that or who does more and hope my voice comes through well enough in the 2 books that they are confident I can do the other as well.
Hmmm.......... I think I will take my over-active brain back to the editing and stop obsessing about problems I haven't hit yet.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Jasper is back with Gracie's rescue group and we discovered it wasn't men he feared but people in hats. Seriously? AND my thinking he needed a playmate to calm the other issues turned out to be true. So we probably could have kept him if Hubby would have stopped wearing hats, the neighbor wasn't an evil Bleeping bleeper bleep, we had another dog, and I had the health of a normal 28 year old. Uggg......
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Now word comes from England that Amy Winehouse has died. It is running across CNN's front page. Yes they still have a lot of coverage up of the attacks in Norway but my news feeds on facebook are already being bombarded with info from England. This drives me nuts. Yes this is a very sad loss to the music community. She had a beautiful voice. BUT far to often real world events get drowned out by celebrity news. People are becoming so wrapped up in Brangilina and the newest celebrity baby and are ignoring the real news that it is no wonder the bureaucrats in DC get away with such crap. Love the craft and the art of music and film but stop obsessing over their personal lives and start taking an interest in the actual happenings in the real world. You might just improve your country.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Today starts an important process in the custody fight concerning my niece and nephew. It makes me reflect again on how hard divorce is. I really wish that all couples who end up divorcing could step back from their own hurt and anger and put it aside for the sake of their kids. Seeing how the bitterness and fighting has hurt these kids makes my chest ache. I want to take them away and make it better but I know that they are with the parent who can best take care of them. They both had to grow up far to quickly and it is such a shame. I can only hope that the court system works for them.
Dinner tonight is all about cleaning out the fridge. It is full of some scrumptious left overs and we are running out of space for other things.
Monkey slept horribly last night and ended up in our bed. I think her tummy hurts as much as mine. Bug had her first friend sleep over last night and i think it went well. They had treats and played on the trampoline before sleeping out there under the stars. I am so glad she is coming out of her shell and really being more social.
As you can see the blah's mean life here is pretty un-exciting today. I finished editing the second chapter of my book and am slowly chugging through. Hopefully I have it ready by my birthday, which was my original goal. The other book needs a little less in the edit department I think so shouldn't take as long. I am excited to put them out and see how it goes. Then I want to dig in to the first in the youth fantasy adventure book. i am also thinking the paranormal cop series I started might be more fun and have more depth if it was post-apocalyptic. Still law and order but with a different world circumstance. That idea bears more thought.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Bug was born when we were pretty young and only 10 1/2 months after our marriage, much sooner than we had planned. Still kids ourselves in a lot of ways but we were thrilled to have her despite how hard my pregnancy was. She was a quiet and mellow baby. She loved to play on the floor with her stuffed toys that my Hubby won in claw machines. She thought everything was an adventure. I drove the 12 hour drive between the PNW and Utah several times with her as a toddler and by myself and she did great. On days I felt horrible, and long before we had a name for why, she would happily sit on my back and watch a movie or play with her toys so I could rest and know she was safe. She hated to get into trouble. She would explore and if she went somewhere she shouldn't all it took was a stern voice and she rarely did it again. She loved to sit in the cart facing me when we shopped so we could chatter. She had to grow with us in some ways, especially her daddy. We were both still figuring out what we wanted from life. He found his career and I found my goals as well. We both mended relationships and went through therapy. We had some rough patches as early marriage can. Bug was my little buddy and my constant companion.
Monkey came along when we had found our feet. Hubby and I both had really beaten back the demons of our youth and were happy in our goals and ideas as a team. She came into stability and with a big sister who adored her. If you see pictures of them at the same ages they look almost identical. It is uncanny. Looks is about the only similarity though. Two girls could not be more different. Bug is a bit of a tom boy and darker. She loves scary movies and stories and never really liked princesses and baby dolls. Monkey is super girly. She wants dresses and ribbons, baby dolls and princess curtains. Where Bug stuck to me like glue Monkey is amazingly independent. All day I hear "Me do it Mama!" She wants to dress herself and wash herself and feed herself. She hates to be still. The only time she is in one place is in the car. Even asleep she wiggles across her bed. We put her into a toddler bed at 18 months and a twin bed at 2 because she moved so much she just didn't have enough room. I have child proofed an area of our house so that I can relax some because otherwise she is everywhere. as it is I still have to watch because she will eat the dog food or try to climb the kitchen table. We had to shave her head a few months ago because she jimmied the baby lock on the cupboard and then covered herself in puzzle glue in 30 seconds flat. That stuff refused to come out of her hair. When we shop she has to walk or help me push the cart. She has to kiss everyone before bed and with the extra family here that can take a while.She is brilliant when she wants to be. She recognizes a few words already on her flash cards and knows how to count to 10. She sings certain songs and loves to play pretend. She also is super caring. She chose to wean on her own. I nursed her until 15 months. She noticed me wince one night as I was nursing her to sleep because her teeth rubbed. After that she refused to nurse even when I offered. She didn't like hurting me. Still if she accidentally hurts anyone she immediately says sorry and kisses it better. Of course if it is something naughty she has to do it any chance she can. I find her trying to climb the gate or onto the table often. She loves to get into the fridge. she thinks spoons and forks are great weapons. She needs the corner and every one in a while a swat on her bottom before she gets that she is doing something dangerous or harmful and she can't keep doing it. I think sometimes her goal is to make me the crazy Walmart lady we all run from. You know the mom. The one with wild hair, screaming as she drags her dirty child through the store like an insane person. I have a lot more sympathy for her now after I pull Monkey from the 5th clothes rack and resort to bribing her into sitting in the cart with candy.
Monday, July 18, 2011
We live in a horrible housing market. Houses in our neighborhood have dropped even lower in the 2 years since we bought so even though we are not as upside down as most we will need to stretch to break even when we sell after this project is done. We need to finish the back yard and paint the entire house as well as do some small things to help that happen.
My eyesight is not perfect anymore. My astigmatism came back. To fix it I need to go back to the Lasic center that did my original surgery in the PNW. This means at least 3 nights away, alone, and an eye surgery while there.
My husband has several things he wants to take care of that require money. They aren't "have to do", none of this is really, BUT they are pretty important to us and with the hard work that he does he deserves for those things to be taken care of.
We have pushed those things aside as well as some of the prepping list to help others. I don't feel like any of the choices we made were mistakes necessarily but I do think that it is okay to put some of our own list ahead of others needs more than we do. Does that make me evil? I feel evil. The evil meter North found said we weren't too bad but when I feel like this I think that has to be wrong. Uggg..... Sometimes finding a good balance is a hard thing to do huh?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
We did a family shoot today. Hubby and Bug are the 2 in the pic. I shot my 9mm with the idea of "Lila stop concentrating so hard." and seemed to do pretty good. I think the problem was that I was over thinking it. It also felt smoother in my hands. Yay. Hubby didn't bring our 10-22 so I shot the pink one. Awkward! It was built with longevity and her in mind so there was no way to shoot left handed. I do okay right handed and shot 50 rounds through but it wasn't perfect. I had assumed our 10-22 was the one Hubby intended for my long-distance use if SHTF. I was wrong. Apparently he pushed for a custom built 6MM that used to belong to his parents because of how it shoots, weight, accuracy and such. The reason I didn't know was because Hubby has been getting it back into perfect working order and being a guy didn't think to tell me. LOL.
Overall we all had a lot of fun. Even Monkey digging in the dirt for treasure. Nephew and Bug waged war on a Kangaroo Rat though I think it came out victorious as it was not dead when we left. Yay for Sunday morning relaxation.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
All of the up and down led to some pretty rough times. I am a very emotional person. I cry over everything even if I don't want to. I just teared up singing to Monkey for nap time because I was so full of love for her. It is frustrating to me but it completely drives people around me demented. Luckily Hubby tends to let me cry and then once I am done and back to being me we talk. So from a young age the people around me told me to stop crying. All. The. Time. Even if it was something worth crying over. So when I got upset as a teen I cut myself. Or I had sex. Or I did drugs. Or I drank. I looked for ways to hide from any emotion. I wrote a lot but that usually meant feeling too much. So all the acting out to hide led to more stupidity. I tried to commit suicide. Luckily that failed.
One thing that helped and still helps is music. Music seems to find a way to express how I feel when I can't. I also write my books. I knew I wanted to write love stories but I decided to add more crime to them, more overcoming these horrible things to find love. That gives me a couple good things. I get to re-imagine myself every time I tell a story. I also get to kill a few people in extremely gory ways at times and get some vengeance without ever having to really be violent. Such a cathartic experience.
I think any time we go through times when we feel drenched in darkness pieces of it linger as a reminder of what we saw and did and what we overcame. I catch a glance of them in odd moments as I go about my life. I am blessed that when I met my Hubby we were both in the dark but saw something in the other we wanted to save and we each knew that to do that we would have to step into the light as well. We took a journey together that has had it's moments where it felt like the dark was going to pull us back but we struggled and fought through and we continue every day to save the other.
Nothing is permanent. No bad time is endless. It can be easy in a moment of strife to look back at a seemingly better time and wish we were there instead of in the trials surrounding us. One thing I have to do is find something positive always. Yes money sucks, bills seem endless, health is crazy, kids are fighting, blah blah...... BUT I have a great marriage. I have beautiful daughters. I have food in my belly and a roof over my head. I have more than I ever dreamed I would and I would not change that. For all the worries and fears I live a very blessed life.
So I leave you with some of the songs that have spoke to me. Yes they are all girly. Sorry for that. None of them are classic anything. But the words speak to me about my feelings in the dark and my journey through and the fabulousness of the life I live. Maybe they will help you, make you smile, give you a laugh, or lift your spirits. (Or someone you know as tough strong men admitting to enjoying Demi Lovato would be crazy right?)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I have also come to a bit of a realization. Yes I am slow on some of these at times. My FMS has me on 2 meds currently. Part of the problem for most with FMS is sleep. We don't. If we do we don't do it deeply enough to get that good healing sleep. I went to the doctor to discuss my recent after camping flare and my sleep. My usual plan had been Tylenol PM several nights a week. Can't be healthy. I wanted to see what I could do to improve my sleep medicinally that wouldn't completely knock me out. I need to be able to get up because Monkey still wakes sometimes. She had no idea. So I had Hubby pick up a "natural" sleep pill. It is a blend of herbs and such that are all supposed to help induce sleep. They do nothing for me so far. But it did get me thinking. I need to keep this search up. When SHTF I need ways to help with my sleep and my pain without meds. Gracie actually uses an oil and thinks it might help me. That would be something to look into using and making myself. I would also like to know how to help my husband with his pain. I have a pretty good herbal medicine book but I think I need a couple more. Some specific to pain and FMS, a book on making my own oils, a book with pictures to help with identification of herbs.
I have also decided that since I can't realistically stockpile food here as this is a horrid location if SHTF I want to look into seed storage. Now that the boys have told me a where I can plan to that and store things I know we can grow there. Also considering looking at an acre in that area. Just a small plot for simple storage purposes maybe. Prices are very low right now so it might be something to think about.
What have you found necessary in a gobag with children? Planning for Hubby and I is one thing and there are obvious needs for the girls that we would carry but what special needs might they have? I welcome your thoughts!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
That is beautiful and more than a lot of kids these days can boast but I think kids need more. Luckily mine have that. Right now my husband's oldest brother Bubba (yes we call him that!) lives with us along with his 16-yr-old daughter and 12-yr-old son. This has been a blessing to both sets of kids. It is really great for my niece and nephew to see a good marriage and to spend time with younger kids. My niece is amazing with our little one and our 9-year-old adores her as well. She hides behind a goth/emo facade but is actually a pretty mature and tender girl. Seeing a woman with morals making good choices is good for her. My nephew is diabetic. Being the back up to my BIL means that my nephew is better maintained and taken care of.
I take my responsibilities as an aunt very seriously. I think that it is good for them to know that they have some one to talk to. In October we will be at 22 nieces and nephews and I hope that all of them know that they have us to talk to if they need it.
We also nurture our children's relationships with their grandparents. I think we could probably do better with that but my anti-social tendencies can be a hamper there.
Another reason I think it is so important to nurture the wider relationships is because if SHTF the kids are the ones most at risk. They need to know who they can count on, where they are. They need a network of people to depend on.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
A friend is trying to sell part of his collection to aid a grown daughter as she opens her own business. He has worked with my guy for a while and because I am "internet savvy" wanted help trying to sell his guns. They are listed on Guns America. We managed to sell one in the past few months. Three others remain.
The big daddy is a Connecticut Special Launch Edition 20 ga. Side by Side by RBL valued at $12,000
He is asking $8,500. Mint condition.
Then is the K22 6 shot S&W Revolver, Not mint but close. Asking $900
The last is a Browning Challenger .22 made in 1971. Mint condition, never fired, original box. He is asking $800.
I recommended taking them to gun shows and taking the Connecticut to Bass Pro for at the very least a nicely documented appraisal from their fine gun staff. He is a bit stubborn and short on time though so they sit on GA and wait. Thoughts? Ideas? What can we do? Places to list them? I feel awful because he asked for my help but I told him I have no idea what to do beyond listing them for sale.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friday early we took out the quads for a ride since nephew is a very capable driver. It was fabulous! Beautiful scenery and a huge well maintained trail system focused on the quads meant less hard to the surrounding area because everyone wasn't making their own trails. By 9 PM we went from 4 to 28 in our camp. Yes we make a big bunch and that wasn't every one.
Saturday and Sunday was spent together just letting the kids play. Each sibling took a meal to feed everyone so things were spread around evenly. We had quad rides, hiking, and cave exploration. We told stories, did skits, and made smores.
I think all of us were sad to leave on Monday despite the fact we were all in sore need of a bath. It is a wonderful treat to have so many of my husbands siblings together. (6 out of 7)
Now I am home. My reader has well over 100 posts to read. I make a dent and more pop up. If I don't comment a ton do know I am reading all of it, lol.
One bad thing is that now that I am home I am in a flare. When I am in a need to function mode I push everything aside and do what I have too. Since we were camping and that meant no child safe room, no ideal sleep environment, no sticking to my diet and the like I pushed on, ignored my body and functioned. Now I am paying for it. I hurt all over. Large smears of dirt turned out to be bruises and even Tylenol is not touching things. I stumbled across a wonderful website called But You Don't Look Sick and the creator has a great way of explaining her Lupus. FMS is very very similar to that. By her spoon theory I borrowed against my spoons and am now spoonless for a bit until I can recover. It sucks like crazy but I wouldn't change it because I had so much fun being with every one. I did hold myself back on somethings and I did make sure that when a ride was being especially brutal I took it slow so as to lessen the beating my body took. I have learned to try to balance though I admit I didn't do a very good job of it this weekend. I won't be surprised if I end up sick on top of my flare. Bleck!
Well I am off to bed blog friends! Night. I am glad to read of all of your doings and thoughts and look forward to continuing to catch up!
Oh and the chili was amazing!!