tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54826689398893347612024-02-19T21:46:48.572-08:00Total Survivalist Libertarian Bitch FestA blog about whatever we think about. Survival, preparedness, motherhood, food, life, love, and everything in between.Maggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18429301039175279522noreply@blogger.comBlogger772125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-13682252581008157662016-05-26T13:02:00.001-07:002016-05-26T13:02:31.942-07:00Conditioner 1 and 2 FAIL. Oh and lice. <p dir="ltr">Well I tried the first mix. Would make a decent hairspray but not conditioner. For try 2 I dumped half the mix and diluted with water. Not crunchy this time but it made my hair feel like straw. Mix 3 is half acv, half water, a dash of lemon juice and a dash of tea tree oil. I think my hair is too fine for any honey. We'll see how this works. </p>
<p dir="ltr">As a side note- I'm using the tea tree oil as a lice deterrent. My job has me with teenage girls who aren't great at hygiene and who share everything. Add that if I have to do a restraint I'm right up next to them and I refuse to risk it. We live in one of the super lice states so prevention is worth it. I've been treating one child for lice for over a month. Last Wednesday I broke out the online homemade remidies. Did a acv/salt rinse. Soaked in coconut oil for 5 hours. Then a lice shampoo and ended with picking through her hair with the lice gel and comb. Seems to be improving. Cross those fingers.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-23127250729268151562016-05-24T12:14:00.001-07:002016-05-24T12:14:02.890-07:00Homemade conditioner maybe?<p dir="ltr">For a long time I was a no-poo girl and I loved it. Then we moved and I was put on cymbalta. My hair began to fall out in clumps. I hated it. I also developed horrible dandruff. My doc recommended I use a regular shampoo and conditioner. So back to chemicals I went. But the cymbalta made me feel awful and after the Savella poisoning I knew the signs of toxicity. So off of it I went. Very happy to now me completely med free but my hair was still trashed. I began to see what homemade things help. Lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, diluted honey and many more were all over the web. I already used acv as leave in conditioner so that wasn't the complete answer. I decided to mix the above ingredients. I also added tea tree oil. I used probablt 1 1/2 cup acv, tbs mint honey, and 1/2 cup lemon juice with a dash of the oil. The acv broke down the honey so no sticky. Put it in today and my hair smells fantastic. Hopefully this helps enough that I can stop the shampoo again. Crossing my fingers.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-37529100904806838362016-05-21T20:16:00.001-07:002016-05-26T14:00:37.625-07:00Armed Forces Day and a tribute.I found out just a few days ago that there was going to be an Armed Forces day parade. We pulled a float for it last year, so I called my boss to see if she wanted to do it again. We decided to go very simplistic this year and I put together a missing man table. <br />
Now, a little back story. Last year we had two Vietnam vets that rode in the parade with us. One of them told Hubby that when he came home from the war, no one threw a parade. No one thanked him for his servi<span class="text_exposed_show">ce. Instead, he was spit on. He was called a baby killer. He teared up and thanked us for including him. "This is my parade. " he said. <br /> This man passed away yesterday morning. I asked his family if we could include his picture on the missing man table. They said yes, and I printed it up, framed it and placed in on the table. <br /> His daughter came to us in tears before the parade and thanked us for including him. As the parade came to the courthouse and our float was announced, the whole parade just stopped. The family stood there on the sidewalk, holding each other, crying and paying homage to their father, grandfather and husband. His name and rank were announced along with a sincere thank you from the community.<br /> Crash and a Marine friend of ours turned, saluted the flag and the family. Even the clouds parted and allowed the sun to shine through for the time we were stopped there. <br /> When we were done, we kept everything in place so the family could get pictures. They thanked us again for doing this. Then his daughter told me that there wasn't going to be a funeral or a memorial service. This parade was the only thing that would be done to honor her father. Whoa. Talk about humbling. <br /> They asked Marine if he would come to the house when his ashes arrived to help with the flag and give him a final salute. We were able to quickly organize a small family service with a flag ceremony, taps and the presenting of the flag to his widow. Crash will be a part of this. <br /> I'm so honored to have been trusted with his final ride. At an event where he was finally thanked for his service and treated with the respect he deserved all along. <br /> Rest in Peace.</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show"></span><br />Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840654341546840558noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-10921814194592696572016-05-18T09:53:00.000-07:002016-05-18T09:53:00.852-07:00Allergies suck I ate something I shouldn't have. A week ago Monday I ate a slice of key lime pie. By the time I finished it, my ears were itching. Like REALLY itching. Then the back of my neck and the jaw, then my forehead, the rest of my face and my chest. Thinking I got something on my skin, I washed my face with baking soda. HUGE MISTAKE! It spread like wildfire after that. I used some cortisone cream and went to bed. The next morning my eyes were swollen shut and my upper lip stuck out like a shelf. I went into the urgent care clinic and they gave me Benadryl. After 20 minutes, the swelling went down and I got my prescription for antihistamines, antacids and epipens. Home I went. I was hungry so I ate some hummus. Yup. Another big mistake, although it took me another day to realize that. I ended up in the ER getting a steroid shot in the rear and another prescription for prednisone. The next day, I was in bed feeling miserable and sorry for myself. I ate chips and hummus for lunch. And here we go again. I took my meds and toughed it out. Next day I drank water and chicken broth until late afternoon when I finally had one of the boys make me some ramen because I like food and couldn't take it any more. Here comes another reaction. <br />
So. Now I have decided it has to be a seasoning or preservative. I can't eat anything I don't make myself and use very limited ingredients in. Right now my go to meal is couscous cooked in organic preservative free chicken broth with parmesan cheese, cilantro and cherry tomatoes. Seasoned with salt only. It's really actually pretty good. And best of all, I don't break out in hives over it. I am drinking a lot of water and dandelion tea to get the histamine and drugs out of my system. <br />
I did have another mild reaction to César salad dressing day before yesterday while I was traveling. It was the least suspicious looking thing on the menu. I watched my husband and son eat their food and drink their lemonade while I felt my tongue start to tingle after the first few bites of my salad. It's got to be a seasoning, right?<br />
Sigh. I'm hungry.Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840654341546840558noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-86493257127064878052016-05-17T14:49:00.001-07:002016-05-17T14:49:49.892-07:00If she's back I should be too!<p dir="ltr">I guess if a revival is in the works I should help. 😀 </p>
<p dir="ltr">Life has been challenging but good. I'm working with behaviorally challenged foster kids as a caregiver. I'm very blessed that my health has improved enough for me to work. Things have been a bit challenging financially for a while. Husband never got the job we were expecting so things got very tight. Add the debt from all my medical bills when we lived in Nevada and we got stuck in a rock and a hard place. We actually had to file bankruptcy purely because of the medical bills. We so need health care reform that deals with the outrageous costs involved. Through all that I learned that more than half of the bankruptcy cases filed are due to medical bills. It's mind boggling. </p>
<p dir="ltr">One positive has been that all my food storage and other preps have come in very handy. We've not starved and we've been able to pay bills. I have been considering school for my BS but unfortunately aid goes off your 2014 taxes which was a much higher income. Together we make less than half of Husband's former income. Ick. Luckily cost of living is very low here. Since I can't get aid I'm looking at a bookkeeping course. I had to open a gofundme for it and wow is that humbling. I spent so long raising funds for other families that being on the other side is a huge eye opener. </p>
<p dir="ltr">On the prep front we are hoping to get a garden planted this year to help with food and food storage costs. We have plenty of space for it and with Husbad working locally we have more time to do it. Cross your fingers. </p>
<p dir="ltr">All in all life is good. Kids are fantastic. Monkey is now 7 and she is in 1st grade. She reads at a 5th grade level and does math at a 3rd grade level. Bug is 14 and ending her 8th grade year. I'm way to young for a highschooler. Ack! Our home is beautiful and we are together. Makes it a pretty good life.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-26633480631907841302016-05-03T21:15:00.001-07:002016-05-03T21:15:11.626-07:00Crazy dayOMGOSH! TEENAGERS! The boys are all teenagers now and today was a reminder why I don't like teenagers. <br />
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Oldest is nearly 17 and mopey. All he wants to do is sleep, listen to music and draw. PLEASE son, get some freaking ambition! I mean, is is too much to ask that he wear clothes? Have any of you watched the show, "The Middle"? He is Axle but without the athletics. He's going to live with us until we die, I know it.<br />
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The middle son is crazy. Like no joke. And half his friends are little jerks. The other half just want to make out with their girlfriends.... in my front yard. Ugh. One friend literally sucked face with his girlfriend every minute. They came up for air once in a while but they were practically getting it on on my trampoline. With half the neighborhood kids sitting right there with them. They all awkwardly played on their phones until the couple came up for air long enough to speak a few words before going back to it. <br />
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The youngest son is the baby in every sense of the word. Someone's always picking on him. AND HE WHINES! Like a toddler. I tell him nearly every day, I didn't tolerate it when you were a baby, I'm certainly not tolerating it now. SHUT UP! <br />
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I'm homeschooling now and so far it's gone very well. Today they just decided they weren't feeling it and did everything they could to get out of school work. Granted they did clean up the front lawn, do dishes and mow the yard.<br />
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I don't know. Maybe I'll keep them. Or maybe I'll off one of them as an example to the others. I'll decide tomorrow.Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840654341546840558noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-15053087062624626502016-05-01T20:39:00.001-07:002016-05-01T20:39:51.951-07:00RabbitsWe've gotten a few more rabbits since I last posted anything here. I am breeding satins for show, meat and pelt. I like pretty colors and the satins give me that in spades. <br />
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This is Nora's latest litter. Nora is not a purebred but I couldn't part with her when we transitioned into the expensive bunnies. She's an amazing mother and has such a sweet personality. For some reason the weather has made this breeding season very hit and miss. Nora only had three kits, but she's got enough milk to feed a dozen. My sister had a New Zealand rabbit who wasn't able to feed all of hers, so we fostered two of them to Nora. The white kits are a bigger breed and older than my satins. See what a difference feed makes to kits? <br />
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They are more active by the day and their eyes have finally opened, almost a week later than they should have. They are now 2 weeks old and starting to explore outside of the nest box. <br />
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I have two more litters that weren't cooperating for pics today. One litter of 8 consists of three coppers, three gold tipped steels and two booted broken gold tipped steels. <br />The other litter of 3 has a black, a broken black silver martin and a broken chinchilla. <br />
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Out of 18 kits, only 4 are approved colors for show. Fair this year might be difficult.<br />
Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840654341546840558noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-90320150549977556612016-04-30T18:25:00.001-07:002016-04-30T18:25:06.209-07:00Trying this again...maybe? I've been doing more and more homesteading type of things that someone recently suggested that I write a blog. Yeah that one made me chuckle. <br />
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Anywho. The bees are getting extreme as are my reactions to them. We have nearly sixty hives now with 20 more queens arriving next week for splits. When you have that many bees, you are bound to get stung. Often. Last year I got to a point where I would swell quite badly with each sting and the last few made my throat feel fuzzy. I am thinking an epipen is in my future. Just in case things go downhill in a fast way.<br />
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We are expanding our product line to include honey, creamed honey in several flavors, lip balm, candles, heel balm, woodworkers crème, anti itch cream and a few others. We have been doing so many local events that I also bought an observation hive so people can see the queen and watch her lay. HUGE HIT! Kids in particular loved being able to see a queen bee and watch bees work up close and personal without the risk of being stung. <br />
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We are selling our honey in several local stores and have been super busy keeping up with that. We got on average of 800 lbs of local honey plus we bought 2,000 lbs of honey from another beekeeper in Utah. It's all almost gone for the season so I guess we're doing alright. <br />
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One of the biggest obstacles this year has been the weather. It's still snowing off and on. The blooms are way behind and some plants just never blossomed at all. We had our bees in a remote yard and at one point had to snow shoe in to check on them. So we are spending more time and money feeding the bees this year. That's ok though. The more we feed them now, the more honey they will give us later. We are going to try for almond pollination next year. We will have to move the bees to California in November to keep them strong enough to take to almonds in February. Leaving them here, they get cold and shut down brood production so they end up not strong enough during almond season. Not sure how I feel about that. I don't like turning over control of my bees to someone else. We'll have to see how that one goes. <br />
Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840654341546840558noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-65118887135170147962015-08-16T23:39:00.001-07:002015-08-16T23:39:10.015-07:00Cathartic writing<p dir="ltr">I recently encouraged a friend to write a blog. It's cathartic to write it out. With no filters. Just write. I realized I missed it. So here I am. Currently our area is under massive fire emergencies. Our property is good but the smoke is thick on the air. We've got hundreds displaced. My county is very rural. The largest town has a population of 3000. It's a lot of ranches and farms and sprawling property. It's also a lot of poor. They depend on their property to sustain them. They grow their own food, well water and many only have rudimentary power access. So now they are left basically destitute. Our rural area also means we are a largely volunteer firefighting zone. With older equipment and lack of easily replacing. Honestly it breaks my heart. I wish I knew how to help. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-83354359513775227632015-03-26T20:50:00.000-07:002015-03-26T20:50:09.171-07:00Gonna give this another shotI haven't posted here in over a year. Life has gotten crazy and I need a way to let it out, so here goes!<br />
The bee business has taken off and we are up to 22 hives. We rescued three swarms last year and gained lots and lots of experience. We have plans to double or triple our hives this year and hopefully make some money at this.<br />
Water is so expensive that a garden might not be a reality any more. I am going to try for a small one and see how it goes.<br />
I started a new job at a pawn shop and really enjoy it. I have a wonderful boss who has been a friend for years. I can be at work when the kids are in school and home when they are. Even though they are much older now, they still can't be left home alone.<br />
We have three goats that provide meat and milk for our family. Daisy is the oldest and had twins last year. She and her daughter Rosie are both bred to a boer for kids this summer. Walker is a pet and since we can't eat him he is being trained as a pack goat for hunting season.<br />
The rabbit situation has changed, I now have satins rather than a bunch of rescued mix breeds. We ate one of last years baby rabbits and the whole family really enjoyed it! We have three purebred, pedigreed satins for the kids to show and one satin mix that I keep because she's such a good mother. Right now I have 12 kits that are a week and a half old. They are just starting to open their eyes and jump around.<br />
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<br />Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840654341546840558noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-84103754010411981712015-02-06T14:53:00.000-08:002015-02-06T14:53:21.726-08:00Dreaming about seeds.Every morning I wake up and see my land out of my window. No neighbors, no strange cars driving by. Just my fences, my pond, my room to grow. I've started dreaming about gardens and greenhouses. Dreaming about fruit trees that I want to plant and compost. I feel oddly free here. Less stress and worry. Less pain. Less fatigue. I'm ready to be me again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-8530745869634962112015-01-25T20:06:00.000-08:002015-01-25T20:06:15.571-08:00Rural vrs Urban gun woes in Washington StateI have beautiful acreage. My kids love exploring, even in the snow. My husband is so content, down to his soul. Which is a beautiful change after years of working in a job full of danger and stress and frustration. Years of holding the lives of his friends in his hands and seeing problems no one would solve took a huge toll. So this move was for more than just getting the land we wanted. It was to give him a chance to breathe, to rest, to have some peace.<br />
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He has found all of that here. And our girls are thriving. Our teen has blossomed out of her shell into a confident geek. Our little kinder is a huge hearted ball of fire and loving school.<br />
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On to me. I love our home, our town. I love looking out at the trees and enjoying the quiet. I've found great doctors so far. The smaller house means more time to write. I found my local RWA chapter so I can connect with other writers. I found a gun club and woman's shooting group.<br />
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One interesting tthough. I594. We hadn't closed by election day so I wasn't a Washingtonian yet. The breakdown was interesting. Almost every rural county voted it down and the urban passed it. I think the rurals saw some of the coming problems. And problems are showing themselves as the vague language truly hits home. Road crews, police, large construction sites are impacted because flare guns and certain nail guns fall under the law requiring a background check to transfer. Leagues, ranges, classes are impacted because of the transfer wording.<br />
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I think it could get very interesting in this state. Some LEO have said they will not enforce this. We will see I guess.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-1733171711887317122015-01-17T18:26:00.001-08:002015-01-17T18:26:54.169-08:00Homestead time.<p dir="ltr">Finally am not in limbo an able to share my life again. For a good long while I had to be very mum about things because we were trying to get moves in place and ready on our time frame rather than due to the choices of others.</p>
<p dir="ltr">We are now the happy owners of over 20 acres in North East Washington State. We are within spitting distance of the canadian border. We have pasture and timber. We are withing a few hunderd yards of a large lake. We have a pond. The house is smaller and one story making things much easier on me. We are finally able to really homestead. Grow and raise and make and be. I get to put my knowledge to use. I get to improve my health. I get to get back to writing. My girls are in schools with only 400 kids. The nearest town where they go to school has a population of 3000. It's awesome. So look forward to some posts on my new chapter. I plan to explore so much. Making my own soaps and body products due to my chem sensitivity, growing a garden, canning it all, hunting more, shooting more. Very excited.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-26815152368711344412014-09-11T23:12:00.001-07:002014-09-11T23:12:30.533-07:00Victim shaming is shamful.<p dir="ltr">Recently two very big stories dealing with abuse have hit the news. First the arrest of Sons of Guns patriarch Will Haden on multiple sex abuse charges including the rape of a minor. Then the video of Ray Rice knocking out his then fiance Janay in a pretty brutal elevator fight. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Both stories have shocked their respective communities and the world. Story after story floods my facebook and twitter. A dear friend works in the domestic violence sector and has had almost non-stop interviews. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The thing that has pissed me off though is the victim blaming bull crap. Why did Stephanie Haden stay quiet all these years? She could have done this or that........ Why did Janay marry him? What was she thinking? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Seriously? !? Many victims go throuh a slew of emotions and have a journey they have to travel. They can feel shame, feel denial, disbelief. They can blame themselves or feel like they deserve it. They don't feel safe sharing or don't feel like they will be heard. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It is not for us to judge. It is not for us to force them to tell their stories or accept help. It is not for us to rail at them for making a choice we think we would make differently when we are not walking their road. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I have no real memory of what happened to me. I had years of nightmares. Of being tiny and faceless men. I have the suspicions of my grandmother. I have my biological mother's police record from the years that followed and her behavior with me that makes those nightmares and suspicions a whole lot more plausible. That explains a lot of the weird hangups and frustrating issues that have interfered with my life and relationships that took a whole lot of therapy to face. Sometimes I can talk about it but sometimes I can't. Sometimes the words or thoughts choke me. They press on my chest, they confuse me, they make me feel weak and inadequate. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So please, when you read a story, or even hear something from someone, please just listen and love them no matter what. No matter the path they are on or the choice they are making. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-40104518177853655602014-08-14T22:33:00.001-07:002014-08-14T22:33:05.859-07:00My thoughts on Robin Williams<p dir="ltr">I tried to think of a witty title. Some catchy phrase or comforting words to convey my thoughts and pull in readers but honestly every article or blog I've seen has covered the gamut and almost all have just felt off. I feel like so many of the pieces I've read have fit into two categories. They either approach things as a tribute and a "he's free" vibe or they bash him as selfish or cowardly.</p>
<p dir="ltr">To me both are wrong, harmful, and so incredibly dangerous. I've battled with depression my whole life. Before my illness had a name and before I had a support system who supported, believed, and encouraged I attempted suicide. Depression, anxiety, bipolar or any other mood disorder is so much larger than a quick fix. It is often a life long battle. I can't know his thoughts, no one can, but I know debilitating illness. The news of his Parkinsons diagnosis I think sheds more light on his motives. No matter what drove him we must be careful in glorifying or condemning. Instead we have to focus on helping others. On his life. Those are the stories I've liked most. </p>
<p dir="ltr">To me the most important part of this is that he hit a point where he felt so hopeless that he made the ultimate irreversible choice and that we must all make sure that we love those around us so completely that they know that no matter what battle they face they are never judged, never alone, and never forsaken. We must listen. We must love. We must be the light in their darkness. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We must also be willing to talk, to seek help, to count on others when we feel lost. I've been in med changes recently and it has brought back some pretty hard core anxiety attacks. At first I was very resistant to even talk about them. I hate adding more issues for the people I love to see. And that just made them worse. I had to count on the people I love, even at 3 AM. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Be a light. I hope I am. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-30001342839926991542014-05-14T23:01:00.001-07:002014-05-14T23:01:02.969-07:00Beautiful You.<p dir="ltr">Lately a lot of media has been about how the media impacts women. Which honestly does not help much. Either we are being shown horrible standards of beauty that are just not realistic or we are being told that they are lies by being shown more unrealistic images as examples of what's unrealistic. It's very rare to actually have an ad campaign that has healthy images or behavior.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">I have spent all my life hating my body. I could fill a book with things that bug me. As I grew up I never heard that I was beautiful.  I never heard that I was amazing. I was told to lose weight, to exercise, to be active. I know my dad never meant it to be hurtful. He genuinely saw it as constructive criticism. To a girl though and mixed with the bombardment of media it was enough to build a woman full of self hate. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My husband took that woman though and he built her up. He taught me that I was worth something inside and out. That I have beauty. He taught me I am amazing. To the point where I actually get taken by surprise sometimes when I look in a mirror. The beautiful woman I feel like now gets surprised by the disheveled hair or the stain on my shirt from cooking dinner. I double take when I notice that annoying pimple or flour on my hip. I no longer feel frumpy even if most days I'm in cotton pants and a tank. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I've realized mirrors are a huge enemy. They can suck confidence faster than almost anything. So my advice to you is this: surround yourself only with people who lift you, toss out the mirrors, and give media the finger. Be beautiful you. Because you are amazing.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-42065414585259976872014-04-10T15:15:00.001-07:002014-04-10T15:15:32.769-07:00National Sibling Day<p dir="ltr">Today is National Sibling Day. I have been very blessed in that department. I married into a family of 7. My guy is the middle. I was very close friends with the 6th long before he and I met. So when we married I was added to the fold like another sibling. I talk to his sisters more than he does usually. And his eldest brother is very protective and great at making me feel loved. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I also have 3 adoptive siblings. They've never made me feel less even though I've lived away from everyone for over a decade. I'm included in everything even if I can rarely make it. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I have 1 biological sibling. He is a couple years younger. Long time readers have seen me boast, fret, worry, and agonize at distance. I've vented when we fight. We're in a place where he has pretty much disowned me. And honestly that's okay. He doesn't understand choices I've made and I can see that. He hasn't seen me every day to watch my health fail. He hasn't been to the monthly doc appointments. He hasn't watched my weight plummet and jump for no reason but that my body is rebelling against me. He hasn't held my hand at heart appointments and hematology workups as we analyze all the ways my body keeps refusing to get healthy. He hasn't held me as I cried because I couldn't climb a hill with my kid or swim the length of the pool. Or cuddle in the same position. Or even stand up. </p>
<p dir="ltr">He has seen me maybe 3 times in 5 years. And those 5 years have resulted in a completely different me. And have meant making horrible choices. Choices to give up work I loved because I just couldn't keep up. Choices to end friendships, to isolate myself more as I poured every ounce of energy into my family. And not even into house work but just into the loving of them. The cuddles and emotional stuff they needed. I had to make hard calls on all sorts of things. </p>
<p dir="ltr">And one was that a relationship with my father was just too stressful to keep fighting for. I love my dad. I genuinely believe he loves me and my kids. I believe he wants the best for us. I even believe he has realized how amazing my husband is. We just communicate in incredibly different ways. And while it isn't his intention I'm often left very hurt by our meetings. I know that, especially with my health so crappy, I just don't have the energy for that. And I am sorry that hurts my brother and my dad. I know it sucks to be the person cut off. Which is why I don't blame my brother. He is angry and frustrated and feeling protective of our dad. That's a wonderful thing. On days like these I miss who we used to be. Healthy and fun and best friends. And I pray for him often even if he doesn't believe in God. I do. I believe in him. I'm proud of him. I wish him nothing but wonderful things. I truly hope he has a phenomenal life.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Happy National Sibling Day brother.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-7374171545794398142014-03-04T08:58:00.001-08:002014-03-04T08:58:09.607-08:002 weeks chem free.<p dir="ltr">It's been 2 weeks. My hair is soft, shiny, healthy. I haven't really hit any awkward issues except for loss of body and it has been straighter than with regular shampoo. I'm guessing my lack of weird is from already being pretty organic. Scalp is slowly improving in the itch department. Fun times. So far I give the "no-poo" movement 2 huge thumbs up.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh8fAuGugswtLQhjHqtnNNjikZB-imcCbgjQwqnTiicq8tYqOxjpG2hLCA11lPsUrq-dCNYO2BZRro4jIk2KhagrftvNyXcLYUmXp2rQS0dQjYmDOhKqEDQEWpRzKi4-NZ2Bi8jRu-VDM/s1600/20140304_085054.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh8fAuGugswtLQhjHqtnNNjikZB-imcCbgjQwqnTiicq8tYqOxjpG2hLCA11lPsUrq-dCNYO2BZRro4jIk2KhagrftvNyXcLYUmXp2rQS0dQjYmDOhKqEDQEWpRzKi4-NZ2Bi8jRu-VDM/s640/20140304_085054.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-18110043928984881482014-02-18T11:51:00.001-08:002014-02-18T11:51:44.105-08:00No-poo or as I prefer to call it "Chem-free hair"<p dir="ltr">This is day 1 of my new chemical free natural hair care journey. Most call it "No-poo" but poo sounds too much like poop to me and poop related to my hair is just ick.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Okay to start from the beginning. I liked this idea for 2 reasons. First I have always been chemical sensitive but as my fibro has progressed it has become worse. My skin hurts and burns from deodorant. My body itches from regular soap. And my scalp is an itchy mess. My second reason is the practical side from a prepper angle. If SHTF I hope to still have fabulous hair.</p>
<p dir="ltr">This pick is 2 days in. On day 1 I did a clarifying shampoo for my final chemical wash. It is supposed to shorten the transition time. I finished it off with my new form of conditioner. A spray bottle filled with water, a 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar, and 10 drops of peppermint oil. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The second day the real fun began. I used a pointed tip bottle with a cup of water and 1 1/2 teasp of baking soda to scrub my hair. Just squirted the mixture against my scalp and scrubbed. Rinsed. Then sprayed my hair and let sit a bit and rinsed. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My mixtures might change as I try to find the right balance but thems the basics. I plan to blog every week at least to keep track of the progress. Hopefully it makes my scalp better. Others have reported that their hair has thickened, strengthened and the color became more rich. I'm excited to see what happens.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVISbuWlnbsyg3nzqIbNlBlg2hjfZ33XNPlm7-aOqpnZdtGW9yrfIdGeW7eV6URIMszGDx0vk50oRvlgpoaCC8efmlMYxbiOiolI3t7wTyJHFTi2sZ_69dQVQ_1ixxRjHb8Lu9mES94Bo/s1600/20140218_111837.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVISbuWlnbsyg3nzqIbNlBlg2hjfZ33XNPlm7-aOqpnZdtGW9yrfIdGeW7eV6URIMszGDx0vk50oRvlgpoaCC8efmlMYxbiOiolI3t7wTyJHFTi2sZ_69dQVQ_1ixxRjHb8Lu9mES94Bo/s640/20140218_111837.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-88189443861039470772014-02-15T14:15:00.001-08:002014-02-15T14:15:22.232-08:00Most useful presents EVER!<p dir="ltr">The last few gift giving moments have netted me some awesomeness in the useful and fun department. As the time as passed I've been able to enjoy them more and more.</p>
<p dir="ltr">1 gift was my shotgun. Mossburg 500 in 20ga. I adore it and last time we ventured out for trigger therapy we took clays. I had been too nervouse to try then before but my guy is always my biggest cheerleader and convinced me. Oh my awesome. So dang fun. And I hit more than I missed. My aim without a scope has massively improved since I discovered the whole cross eye dominant thing. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My other fave gift is my Diamond bow. So stoked. It's a youth/womens so the poundage starts smaller which it great for this girl to build muscles up. It's super light weight, pink camo, dual cams. We are going on the bow hunt this year and I can't wait. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Plus both are dang useful in a SHTF situation. Woot.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-77149773512998874362014-02-13T10:28:00.001-08:002014-02-13T10:28:23.179-08:00Why talk about being sick?<p dir="ltr">I take part in a great weekly chat on Twitter (@writerkimwalsh) every week called #SpoonieChat. This week a question was asked by a participant. "Do you write about your illness anywhere else and if so why?" Of course I answered in that little allotted window that I do, to hopefully share my blessings and raise awareness. I wanted to expand here though.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I am sure to some on my fb I probably sound whiny or like a complainer. I honestly am one of the most positive people ever. I have to be. After my diagnosis I joined groups, followed pages, collected links. One thing was clear. Almost every person facing invisible debilitating illness feels alone, unheard, and unable to share their thoughts and feelings. </p>
<p dir="ltr">For years I'd been sick. Over a decade before diagnosis. And I rarely shared how I felt. We had family live with us who were surprised by how awful I tended to feel. I learned to hide it from a dad who brushed me off and a brother who laughed at me. To them I was an oversensitive manipulative drama queen. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Once I saw how similar others felt I knew I had to help that. I am lucky in that the man I married, my children, my inlaws, and my Mom are very loving, understanding, and compassionate. Once I was diagnosed they researched and rallied behind me. So I vowed to be brutally honest about how I felt. To show that 1: those feelings are normal, pain is shared 2: no one is alone 3: you can still be happy despite an illness and 4: to help others see the life we lead is still full, still.</p>
<p dir="ltr">This is a battle we are not alone in. And the more we share with the world the more we realize that as well as teach others understanding. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-18914569952285124012014-02-04T10:32:00.001-08:002014-02-04T10:34:20.367-08:00I'm Christian unless you're an addict, or an Imigrant, or.....<p dir="ltr">So the title was inspired by a post by Dan Pierce called <a href="http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html">"I'm Christian unless you're gay."</a> I loved it for it's truth.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I saw a similar issue on Sunday. A couple things happened of note. Philip Seymour Hoffman died of an overdose and the Superbowl was on in all its billion dollar glory. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It was also the anniversary of Chris Kyle's death.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Many on my feed felt that the later should have been all over the news. And I agree. Chris Kyle was a great guy. He was a returned soldier, a father, a husband. He was also more than that. He was a man determined to help others. A man with demons who refused to give in. And that deserves praise and remembrance.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Some took it farther. They bashed a dead actor for being an addict. They bashed the addiction as weakness, as cowardly. Memes were created that demeaned and denigrated. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Then the Superbowl aired. The usual million dollar commercials played. And Coke became the second major target of the day along with the immigrants singing a beautiful American song in their native languages.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have never seen so much hate spewed in a single day on facebook and twitter. The crule and vile words honestly made me cry. Not for the targets but for us. Because the group spewing the most hate shocked me. We are the primarily Christian center. We are supposed to be the tolerant, the forgiving, the compassionate. We are the ones who carefully research our rebuttles to the anti rights groups. We are the ones horrified when a soldier is treated badly or a family with an autistic child is discriminated against.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Yet on Sunday I watched as addicts were shamed for being weak and stupid. I watched as immigrants trying to show pride were shown racism more expected 50 years ago.</p>
<p dir="ltr">An addict does not choose to be so. No one looks at a pill or syringe and says "That's what I want to do when I grow up." Addiction is a brutal indiscriminate attacker. It goes after anyone, at any time, in any circumstance. And once it has you it never lets you go. A smell, a sound, a taste, a place, a person, a date can trigger you. And then you crave.  If you have already hit your bottom and are fighting to be clean you hit that craving and move on, focusing on whatever helps so you don't drink or use or eat. If you are back in the blur though and you hit a trigger all you do is seek the empty places using brings. The places where you don't crave because you're there, where you don't feel because you're empty. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I know if I were at my bottom still trapped in the blur Sunday would have destroyed my hope. How is an addict to feel safe asking for help if we tell them they are just weak and stupid and deserve death? And what if the addict needing that help is your child, your sibling, your spouse, your parent ? What about the soldier who fought beside you? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Then we heaped on more hate. Telling those who did it right, who worked hard to be here, who are as American as we are, that their pride is worthless because they don't have as many generations born in this melting pot as we do. That sharing their pride in their birth language was dispicable. Yes I agree everyone should learn English. However we should allow an expression of pride in America be however it is chosen. If someone wants to do it in pig-latin and standing on their heads I say we celebrate. Celebrate that they came here honestly to seek an honest often safer and better life and genuinely are proud to be American.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Stop the hate. Stop the degradation. How do we expect to teach the intolerant anything better if we are intolerant? How are we to show our children Christ like values if we ourselves are not Christ like? </p>
<p dir="ltr">I for one refuse to be the Christian living contrary to Christ. I refuse to judge anyone based on their choices if they are living a life trying to be the best they can be. I also refuse to turn my back on those who might need help. To me that is the most exceptional way to honor my faith, my family, and our point of existence. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-32672843421779741592014-02-01T16:38:00.001-08:002014-02-01T16:38:27.950-08:00I'm not perfect.<p dir="ltr">I am far from it. I hate the phone so rarely call people. I don't leave my house often. I procrastinate.  I avoid confrontation by avoiding people who I feel strife with. I am over sensitive.  I don't seperate my laundry. I hate eating new things. I am overly critical of myself. I am stubborn. I probably am too honest with my girls.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I know these things. I try to work on them. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My view of family has always been that we love, accept, forgive. That we try to keep mean words out of it and if we slip we apologize. For the most part my life is full of this. Full of love and laughter. Full of compassion and understanding,  generosity and pride. I have family that love me, even when I'm the oddball. I'm considered the weapons crazy paranoid hermit. And I'm loved anyway. I have great girlfriends. We can have different views on big issues and still love. </p>
<p dir="ltr">If I make a mistake with them I try to fix it and vice versa.  If I feel like things are off it haunts me. But I tend to not say anything out of worry. </p>
<p dir="ltr">To me family tries. It is about making mistakes and then doing better.  Maybe I have it wrong though.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-70050106303325262022014-01-27T12:02:00.001-08:002014-01-27T12:02:16.898-08:00Feminism is about equality, right?<p dir="ltr">Recently I read this blog titled <a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/">"I look down on young women with husband's and kids, and I'm not sorry."</a>  I was honestly stunned. I knew that there were people who felt like that. Choosing motherhood is very often misunderstood these days.</p>
<p dir="ltr">BUT I thought the point of feminism was that women had a choice. We fought for the right to be seen as equally relevant,  equally respectable, equally capable of choosing our paths for ourselves. We wanted to be able to be what ever we dreamed of. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I dreamed of being a mother. From the first moment I could dream I wanted this life. As a toddler my babies went everywhere I went. When my brother was born just before my 4th birthday I was in heaven. A little being for me to love and protect, teach and nurture. And until he was 18 I did so. Even after I tried. For most of his life I was the only mother he had. </p>
<p dir="ltr">When I met my guy I knew. I knew we could be a team. I knew we could make a family. Then our first was born and I had my dream. I was a wife and mother. My choice had always been made. It was made against my family's desires for me, against what society thought. I lost people due to my choice but I knew it was the right choice for me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">As I've grown and shed the disappointment of others and become more empowered in my choice I've realized that is what true feminism is. Making the choice we desire for ourselves, celebrating it, and celebrating other women happy in their choice. It can be no kids, no spouse, no career, all of it. What ever choice makes each individual happy deserves respect, love, and support. We owe that to our sisters in this journey of life.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5482668939889334761.post-86681375290018454372013-12-12T15:52:00.001-08:002013-12-12T15:52:32.960-08:00Assumption makes an .......<p dir="ltr">We all know the saying. "Assumptions make an ass of you and me." The world is full of assumptions. We all do it. We put a label on someone and  then we make assumptions based on the label. I've had some interesting ones. Mormon means cult member, Fibromyalgia means hypochondriac,  stay at home mom means lazy or stupid. Clean eating means hippy. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Usually I brush it off and move on. I try to ignore it. I try not to do it but find myself falling into the trap too. I think it is human nature to try to figure out the people around us. We want to imagine other lives are better, or worse. That others face similar issues and thrive. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I think that is what assumption truly is. A way to imagine ourselves less alone, less insignificant.  But the truth is we all leave a beautiful mark if we choose to. It may not always equal Mother Teresa levels but our impact can be felt by those around us. Once we remember that the assumptions are no longer needed and we can try just accepting. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0