Being Thankful..... Mostly.

It is November, the season of thanks. SO I have tried every day to post what I am thankful for in my life. And boy do I have so much. I truly am so very blessed. I have a husband who has always without fail been my knight. He fights for me. He keeps me safe. He knew there was more going on with my health than we thought and pushed for answers even when I had allowed past issues to make me wonder if i wasn't just crazy and lazy and broken. I see so many with this disease who are alone because the people around them abandon them and refuse to believe them. I know a few who still have loved ones close but are abused because they are faking it, or lazy, or liars, or manipulators.

I have my kids and that is incredible. Their births were miracles. They grow more beautiful every day in personality, character, and grace. They are supportive of my bad days and great fun on the good.

I have extended family who always backs me up, parents not by blood who choose to love me and be supportive of me. I have some great docs trying to get me healthy, I have a home that is a bit big for me but perfect for hosting visitors. (We have over 30 at Thanksgiving) I have food to cook. I have a vehicle that I adore that lets me go visiting if I want to. I have my imagination that has led to my writing that hopefully leads to some published books. I have a great page with awesome fans that I hope to get back to some fundraising work on.

Life is good. Honestly almost perfect. Except.... The other day my brother made a post on his fb page for the whole world to see. He posted how excited he was to come visit for a whole week at Thanksgiving. First real visit in over 2 years. I think last time he was here Lexi was turning 2. She is now almost 5. So actually almost 3 years. He then said he just wished he could be with our father and I at the same time and asked my thoughts. On his open facebook.

Talk about put on the spot. I tried to be very polite and somewhat vague as I have multiple coworkers on my page. Yet he pressed and pressed. To the point of telling me he hoped it wasn't his or dad's death that brought me around and that I wasn't being fair to him or my kids or my dad.

Now I know my Dad is upset by the fact I asked for space. Complete space. And I realized I want that space because I do not trust him. When I call is it nice accepting dad or ranting dad who belittles and demeans and expects me to ignore that? I don't trust him to handle my children the way I ask.

And my brother knows this. And I wish, just one time, he said "I don't necessarily agree with your choice but I am behind whatever you need to do 100%. I want you to feel good and feel happy in your life. I understand that stress makes you ill and know that sometimes for that moment you have to make choices that might seem harsh. I love you."

Instead I feel pressured and pushed and stressed and like I am the bad guy when it shouldn't be about good or bad and just about me needing time. I have never had a blood relative (other than my kids) say to me "I back you 100%, I accept you. I am proud of you and I think you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are." I may be an adult but there is still a part of me that craves that. I get it from my in laws, from my adoptive family. I get it from friends who have become family. Yet the 2 people in the world I need it from seem unable to give that unconditional love and acceptance.

Good men: Are they really hard to find?

I recently joined twitter after one of the writers blogs I love said it was a very helpful avenue for creating connections and can be a huge help to a writing career. Since then I have been following things I love and people that inspire me. That leads to more awesome discoveries of writers, designers, fibro advocates, rights advocates, bloggers, ect. One website I stumbled into is called The Good Men Project. It is basically about what defines a good man in today's world.  How have male roles changed? Sex, love, communication?

People just getting to know me usually have a couple questions I find telling of our times and very interesging. Men and women both ask if my marriage truly is as good as I say or it seems. Women ask how I caught him or do I know others like him. This used to frustrate me. We married young. I was 18 to his 21. So the disbelief at first felt like a lack of confidence and faith in us. As more years passed though and I saw other couples married when we were fail and more and more divorce I realized it was a genuine shock at how happy we seemed.

I've come to realize a lot of the problem is that divorce has become too easy and many men and especially women forgot that a true relationship takes effort. It takes patience, forgiveness,  compassion, and yes a lot of love and great sex. The day of our wedding was hectic like it is for everyone but we snuck a quiet moment and made some vows to each other aside from the usual. We promised honesty with each other. We promised to not even allow the "D" word into our family dictionary.  We vowed to fight for each other. We promised to never go to bed angry, to kiss each other hello and goodbye every day, to say "I love you" often. Those first few years were hard. We had nights we fought all night. Days where that kiss was almost angry and the words felt heavy. Moments where I am sure we both wondered "Can I really keep doing this?". We faced down addictions and the loss of multiple pregnancies.  We moved states. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  Honestly it took a good 5 years to really figure marriage and each other out.

Once we did though it has been pretty incredible. We don't really fight. We are a united team. Nothing is more important than the other and our kids. A huge part of our sucess is absolutely based on the kind of man my husband is. He puts us first always.  He places providing for us as a priority.  He also love just being with us. Watching tv, painting our daughter's nails, doing crafty things. He is a guys guy. He hunts, loves to camp and fish and shoot. However he knows that to make our family successful requires more than a paycheck. He talks to me and listens. We truly are best friends. He makes sure I and our daughters know how treasured we are. He shares his feelings with me. We also make sex a priority.  Some weeks are hard when he is tired from work and I'm hurting but we make an effort to keep that physical connection. 

To often women see sex as a tool and men see it as release. Relationships get ignored for career. We've learned though that because we have an incredible relationship it nourishes the rest. Real good men aren't hard to find they just are hard to keep. They instinctively know that the relationship is key and when a woman doesn't enrich it but instead wants pampering and care with no reciprocity men give up and stop being the men they want to be. If you don't love and feed your garden it withers. 

There are days when a miracle happens....

and you are reminded that every moment is a blessing.

My sister was the driver of this car this past Sunday. She was on a very rural stretch of 2 lane road when a brilliant person decided to cross into her lane to pass 3 semi trucks. She had no choice but to swerve off the road to avoid a collision. Her tires hit gravel and she lost control. She swerved back onto the road right into the path of one of the semi trucks. After the initial head on impact she was spun and hit from behind. The people on scene say that at this point her car should have been pulled under the semi but miraculously she was slammed forward and walked away from the image above with no injuries. This impact happened at 70 mph. Every single responder was stunned to see her breathing out of the car let alone without injury. She hit so hard she bent the drive line on the semi.

All I first knew of this was a phone notification that my brother had updated his facebook. "My little sister was in a head on ......"

I froze. After the fear from 2 weeks ago and the tunnel instability I went right to panic mode. I was just instantly terrified. It took a moment before my husband could calm me enough to get me to call my mom. The moments until she answered seemed to take forever. To hear those words, "She's okay," took my breath away in relief. Then I saw the pictures. How was she okay? I have lost multiple friends to similar crashes. To see the damage and know she was okay just brought home to me how deeply miraculous life can truly be.

Texas Fires

I spent a lot of my growing years in Texas. Summers and holidays were spent with my grandparents on their  large spread outside of Bastrop. Right now the area is burning. So far it seems the family and other people I love have been lucky. Fire has come close and is licking at the boot heels but hasn't burned anything of ours yet but some reports say that half of Bastrop is gone and that it is going to get worse before it gets better. With Katia steaming up the gulf winds could pick up and the largest fire is at 0%  containment. So please everyone pray. Pray for those hundreds of families who have lost their homes, pray for those evacuated, pray for those at risk, and I selfishly ask for an extra little prayer for my family. While my grandparents are no longer alive to see a city they loved and raised their sons in burn we do still have family there and they are at risk and need that love.

Thanks guys!

First day of school!

My sweet Bug and the teenagers started school today. Niece is a junior and may even try to graduate early. She hasn't really decided. Nephew is in 8th grade. Last year of middle school. Some days he seems so much older and others so young but that is often the case with boys his age on the cusp of manhood. Bug is entering 4th grade. She is now in the upper echelon of school. Those years feel sweet and I want her to enjoy and savor them. The picture is her being silly. I am so proud of her and the young lady she is. All of them are pretty great.

Poor Monkey was pretty sad to see all the kids leave today. She wanted to follow Nephew out the door and cried when we dropped Bug off. Being back to hanging out with just me is not her favorite thing. I am a little sad too. They finally seem to get that this is their home and so all of them have been really great lately.

Well here is hoping the year is great and we can have lots of good grades and happy days.

Can't send them to the gun store!

Yesterday was Nephew's 13th birthday. Poor kid has had some bum luck.

Our original plan had been to make the drive to Utah and go to a county fair with family. J.W. and I take our girls every year and love it. The day starts with a lunch of fair food. You can't be at a fair without fair food. Then we visit all the exhibits and animals. Once the carnival opens we do that for a while. Then the fun. Demolition Derby. This is very much a highlight of the year for the county and it often sells out and is a major thing. We love it!

Plans were dashed. Tuesday we found out J.W. was going to have to work through the weekend making it impossible for him to attend. Then Wednesday Nephew was biking to his friends house and completely tanked it. I mean absolute road rash deluxe. He looks like he was ran over. I guess he was crossing the street behind a car when the car braked suddenly. He swerved and tried to jump onto the curb but his back weighed enough that he hit the curb, flipped over his handlebars and then ran himself over with his bike. His face and chest hit the pavement and then his bike tires hit his back. His chest and face are tore up. He almost bit through his lip. He bruised his ribs. He is lucky his nose didn't break. He is lucky nothing broke honestly. But his injuries meant there was no way he was up for traveling. I was going to take my girls alone but my FMS flared and the thought of fighting a toddler in a fair alone just did not sound fun. Soooooo we changed plans.

Friday we ordered dinner in. Nephew ordered Seafood Linguine. He was thrilled. We also had Cold Stone Ice Cream Cupcakes for dessert. Saturday hubby got off of work early due to monsoon conditions. Lightning and welding are not a good mix and he was on his giant metal machine so danger was a bit high. Add not being able to actually weld from the rain and he came home. So the male contingent went to the gun store. Ugggg......... We got ammo. Always good. BIL bought himself a new toy. LMAO. Poor nephew got ammo. He was feeling picked on despite a pretty awesome knife as a present that morning. His dad buy a gun and he get bullets on his birthday, the horror. Then I show up right before dinner with the girls and a pair of guinea pigs plus cage for them. Yet another cool thing bought on his birthday not for him. On top of that we discover he is allergic to the new additions as he puffs up like a balloon. Poor kid. At least we got him an ice cream cake right?

To try to make up for it the male half went shooting this morning. Hopefully that helps him feel better, lol.

Kidding aside I think he was very happy with his gifts. He received a Judge of his own and the ammo of varying types that it uses, a very nice bike that can be used for trick riding, multiple knives, and some cash to spend as he likes. The kid has a knife collection many would envy and stores it in several suitcases. He has his own rifle but this is his first handgun and he is loving it. He received it early but it was a birthday gift. He is a pretty amazing kid. Even when his mom called against his wishes he handled it with an amazing air of maturity and wisdom. He can drive me batty and I told him if he lets real teendom go to his head I'll beat him but honestly the kid is fabulous. I just need to remember not to send him to the gun store with the menfolk on his birthday next time.

Why my mom is my mom.

The woman who gave birth to me did only two things that I can thank her for. She gave birth to me and she gave birth to my brother. Otherwise her drugs were more important to her and still are. She was out of my life when I was 5 and I did not see her again until my father flew her in for my wedding. She hardly spoke and did not add to it at all. I thought seeing her would be this amazing reunion. I was the little girl who dreamed of a mother who adored me but just couldn't be there. I learned that day who my mother was. It was not the woman who gave birth to me and ignored me for years. Instead my MOTHER was the woman who lovingly handmade my wedding dress out of my old prom dress because I could not afford anything else and my dad wasn't to keen to help either. (He later did help.) She went to all the appointments to pick flowers and food and she altered the bridesmaid dresses that needed it. She helped me get ready while the woman who carried me in her womb hid in a hotel nearby. When my first child was born she drove 2 hours to be there to help coach me through labor and keep my hubby from passing out as he watched me in pain. When my second was born she flew 2 states away just to be backup in case hubby couldn't handle the surgery and to help me through that first day. She loves my children more than anything. She treats me like she does the children she birthed. The true miracle of this is that she and my dad divorced not long after my marriage. She had no reason to keep me in her life. Every other woman my dad brought into our lives left when the relationship ended. She stayed. She is my Mom in ever single sense of the word and I am so amazingly grateful for her and for that. On days when it feel like no one is on my side but my husband I know she has my back. She calls just to check on me or say hi. My dad doesn't even do that. It is pretty amazing to feel like I finally have a mom. (I also got 2 pretty awesome sisters out of the deal and a brother who is pretty great too!!)

It takes a village!

I am of the firm belief that raising children takes a village. I think children need to be surrounded by love. Mine, I think, are lucky. My husband and I are very much in love still. We are a solid unified unit. Some question that. I have had people tell me there is no possible way we can be that happy. We fight, sure. We have moments where we tick the other off or we hurt the other with a stupid word. I think his habit of sticking candy wrappers in a cup is psychotic. He hates that I don't rinse the tub after I use it or put a towel on the floor over the mat to step on. We deal. We have had some pretty bad moments where leaving crossed both our minds. I have always been sick so all that FMS entails but without the diagnosis made me not easy to deal with especially when I was a young moody mother and he has some demons of his own though almost 5 years of sobriety has helped a lot. We always had a few rules. Never go to bed mad. This resulted in some sleepless nights early in our marriage. Divorce is not an option. EVER. I took a couple trips to see family to give us both some room when things were really bad. All of that means that my kids have parents who love each other passionately and fight for each other and for them. It means we are a great unit.

That is beautiful and more than a lot of kids these days can boast but I think kids need more. Luckily mine have that. Right now my husband's oldest brother Bubba (yes we call him that!) lives with us along with his 16-yr-old daughter and 12-yr-old son. This has been a blessing to both sets of kids. It is really great for my niece and nephew to see a good marriage and to spend time with younger kids. My niece is amazing with our little one and our 9-year-old adores her as well. She hides behind a goth/emo facade but is actually a pretty mature and tender girl. Seeing a woman with morals making good choices is good for her. My nephew is diabetic. Being the back up to my BIL means that my nephew is better maintained and taken care of.

I take my responsibilities as an aunt very seriously. I think that it is good for them to know that they have some one to talk to. In October we will be at 22 nieces and nephews and I hope that all of them know that they have us to talk to if they need it.

We also nurture our children's relationships with their grandparents. I think we could probably do better with that but my anti-social tendencies can be a hamper there.

Another reason I think it is so important to nurture the wider relationships is because if SHTF the kids are the ones most at risk. They need to know who they can count on, where they are. They need a network of people to depend on.

Xenogenic? Why yes I am.

I have a smartphone. I am the geek in our house so Hubby loves getting me gadgets and they get used LOL. My phone has 2 screens of educational things for the girls including a couple different word of the day type applications. The word of the day yesterday for the Dictionary.com app was xenogenic. It means to be completely different from either parent, or from the source of an object's creation. As usual Bug read it and rolled her eyes a bit but I had to chuckle a bit. If ever a word fit me it is this one.

My biological mother left a long time ago and I am better for it. The one goal I had as I thought about being a woman, wife, and mother was to be her opposite. She is an addict and to this day has not kicked her many habits. My younger brother and I are very lucky our dad took us and left when he did.

I am a lot like my dad was at my age. Outdoor oriented with a love of learning. I think the biggest difference is he was just having me where I have a decade of good marriage and a 9 year old. So I am more family based. Now he is happily married and very successful but his interests are completely different than mine. Hunting is not his thing and the idea of planning is more to about making sure he has the financial security needed for a comfortable retirement. Good goals of course but our thinking just differs. I am also a very emotional person. I cry when I am mad or sad or happy. It has made father/daughter bonding challenging sometimes.

I think being the oddball homebody quiet one has probably hurt some relationships. My dad's side are very smart, educated well spoken and my biological mother's side just doesn't know me. I am very lucky in my in-laws and in my adoptive family and friends. Even if I am an oddball they still love me for it and work with it. I love all sides of my family, I do, I just wish I knew how to help them see that just because I am a stay-at-home shooting, hunting, anti social goof doesn't mean I don't love them. I would move mountains for them.

When a family needs our help .....

then we do what we can.


I spent about 8 years in San Antonio as a child. Some of my best memories are of the friends I made there and the beauty of the internet is that I can now keep in touch with many of those friends. One of those friends needs some help for her boys. 2 of her sons, Spencer and Bryton, were born with a defect in their throats that can lead to very severe and life threatening complications. The wonderful thing is that there is surgery that can be done to fix this. Both boys are scheduled for surgery in July. It requires a month long stay in Boston relocating the family from Texas. They have been able to get the surgery itself covered but the living expenses and costs of maintaining their home in Texas and renting a room or place in Boston are not covered by insurance and one member of the family is still an infant which means Amy can't be in the ICU the whole time. Amy has a page for donations and giving much better detail of the situation here.


The boys are also up for a charity donation from a salon hoping to raise up to $15,000. This money would be a godsend for these boys. Many across the net and off of it are fighting for these boys and for this family and I had to add my voice. I hate to see a child suffer, especially due to finances, when the family is hard working and so very helpful to others in need. So please visit this website and cast your vote for the Pratt brothers. Visit from your computer, your phone. Visit and vote every day!! Help these boys get the surgery they need to live long healthy happy lives without worry or fear.

Bikes and Bullets!

This past weekend marked the end of Hubby's time off so we gathered up our girls, our nephew, the quads and decided to go for a ride. We really haven't done any riding locally. Usually we take them with us when we head north for family things as 2 of my husbands sisters live in some wide open country with great places to trail ride. We went to a close area that is mostly a dry lake with a few side trails to keep it gentle for the little one. We had a blast! I got a tiny bit sunburned but my fair skin does that even though the sunscreen. Monkey fell asleep like she usually does. I taught Bug a bit about the driving of one of the 250's which tickled her pink. We saw a few dessert squirrels and lizards.


On the way home we stopped to shoot. Hubby got a new .45ACP that he is in love with! He is an amazing shot so of course hit all his targets. I am doing better and got both of mine as well. Nephew is the proud new owner of a Taurus Judge. He shot as well and did pretty good. He was the main reason we had stopped because he hadn't shot it yet. He is an amazing kid. He is almost 13 and very mature. I think a lot of that comes from his diabetes. He had to grow up and be more aware because his life depended on it. I think his dad taking him hunting pretty much his entire life has also been a big help. He is very weapon aware.


All in all a pretty great Saturday in our desert oasis.

Expanding Our Hearth!

I have been a horrible poster. (We all have but the girls will have to beg for your forgiveness themselves, there is a reason Bitch is in our title, LOL!) In December our household grew by 3. My Hubby's brother and his children (Ages 16 and 12) moved in after he was laid off from his metal working job. My nephew is diabetic so the choice was rent or insulin. Obvious choice. It has been interesting. The house is full to bursting. My girls are loving it. My niece is the older kid and Monkey thinks the sun rises and sets with her. BIL (Brother-in-law) is a great cook so I get to share that now. It has been good for all of us. My FMS is slowly getting figured out but on the really bad days I actually have backup babysitters, lol. Both kids are happy to earn the spending money. In fact I had to get after my nephew because he has been rushing to grab Monkey when she wakes up in the morning before I even have a chance to wake up. It is super sweet but weird too to be pampered. So now I rarely do dishes because my niece washes and my nephew puts them away. Bug picks up the living room. A lot gets done these days with so many hands.

Amazing Rescue and Mining In My Life.

Who is not is awe by the rescue of the miners in Chile? 28 men are out as of now with 5 to go. These men are miracles. 2,000 feet down, buried under 700,000 tons of rock for 69 days. They have broken every mine disaster survival record by a landslide. Heck they have broken most disaster records. To be so far down with so few rations and to survive for so long is beyond miraculous. No one in recorded history has survived being trapped this deep for this long. They made 48 hours worth of food last well over 2 weeks. As they are emerging from the depths they are looking to be in better health than anyone could have ever imagined. Some are showing mental issues once they reach the hospital but that is to be expected. I know I would be a basket case if I had endured this.

This is by far not the worlds worst mining disaster. In fact it won't even rate if measured by casualties because lives have not been lost. The survival is what makes this story unique, the amazing rescue is what makes this story unique. Mining in general ranks as one of the deadliest professions in the world. Luckily the US isn't the worst place to be with 69 deaths in 2006-2007 according to MSHA and 11800 injuries reported. Other countries are not so lucky. China reports thousands of deaths each year.

Despite living in a country that tries to protect its miners we all know that does not always happen. We lost 29 coal miners in April of this year. It was one of the deadliest losses in decades for the US. If you also add the deaths related to mining the count jumps. Mining is a hard life. It is a back breaking life. Some of the men (and women but for this purpose I am going to not be politically correct.) choose this life for the money or the job security, some feel they have no other choice as it is the only real job source for miles, others follow behind fathers and uncles, and some just love digging in the earth. Still others do it not for what they pull from the ground but what is formed once the pulling is done. Tunnel builders are miners too, they just don't do it for what is in the ground but what they build beneath it. Hubby has done both. He worked in coal when we were first married as a subcontractor. He did the weld work on the support system. Every day he went 14 miles below ground and welded in a sometimes combustible atmosphere that was always dangerous. He was always in an unstable zone and there to make it more stable. Now he builds tunnels. The jobs he has been on so far have been under the water table so if a cave in occurs there is no chance of a void to keep him safe. Mud and water will fill each and every crevice. If he wasn't crushed he would drown. This newest job seems to be pretty unstable as well. You can never know exactly what every inch of ground is going to be made up of until you are in it despite all the geologic checking in the world. He will still go every day though because he loves it and because his job improves life. In this particular job it ensures a water supply for the area when they are at risk of loosing it.

The family of a miner also has to step up. We have to send our men off every day with a smile knowing they are at risk. We need to be supportive. We need to always understand that they are in a high stress situation for hours every work day and with that comes a need to let off steam. I am blessed that Hubby's release is watching movies and hunting. I also have to hide my fear. Hearing my worry does nothing but take his mind off of his job and that can cause more harm than good. I live knowing that in my husband's case rescue is a slim shot. Recovery is probably even a slim shot. I also will not ever ask him to stop doing what he loves despite the physical and mental toll. I am so proud of him and of the work he does. I will always be proud to be a miner's wife!!

I know there are many other dangerous jobs. There are many men and women who risk their lives every day to do what they do to make the world a better place and many families who love and support them as they do it. I respect each and every one of them immeasurably and am not writing this to take away from them. I am writing this because I want the world to be aware of the amazing job that miners do every day and the stress they face to do it. They deserve more miracles such as the one we are watching today.

Anniversary #9

So today marks the 9th anniversary of the day I made the best decision of my life. I married my husband. I always get excited for this day even when all we do some years is hang out at home and just be together. This day marks another year passing in the arms of a pretty incredible man. He really saved my life.

I am a very emotional person, made more so by my bi-polar. When he entered my life I was in a very bad place. I was suicidal and pretty despondent. The relationship I was in had turned toxic, the friendships surrounding me had wonderful moments and moments of extreme sorrow and I felt very alone and unloved. Multiple friends had died that year in heart breaking ways. I felt too different from my happy confident family members to really even consider confiding in them and I was just a mess.

Then came my 17th birthday. My boyfriend at the time had completely blown me off and so my friends decided I needed to go "cruising" which is a pretty big deal in our little town. So there we were when I should run into an old friend and two of his friends. I jumped into their truck and the first words Hubs said to me were "Buckle up, we would hate for something to happen to you." He claims he knew right in that moment that we were meant to be together. My guy is a huge believer in destiny. I was not so sure though. Then came October. Another friend passed away in a very bad car accident. I was feeling absolutely done. I was on the brink when Hubs calls me up and asks me to come by. He took me to my favorite place in the mountains and under the trees, in the moonlight, he let me cry and then he kissed me. I swear if fireworks could have gone off they would have despite how sad I was. Thus began our relationship as a couple. We had ups and downs as I fought through loss, and grief, and depression and he battled similar things. We broke up, often badly, and were drawn together again like a moth to a flame. Finally we got through the immature phase and really committed to each other.

He asked me to marry him on the lid of a delivered pizza box. I said yes. Like all couples we have had good times and bad. We have had moments where both of us considered walking. We fought threw them and now each day is better than the last. He makes me smile when I want to cry and laugh when I want to scream. He is one of the only people who gets me and loves me despite my mood swings, my low self esteem, my fears and hangups. He is okay no matter where I am emotionally on any given day. When I feel close to that dark brink he pulls me back again without even batting an eye. So really, he saves me every day of our lives together.

He is the other half of my soul. Where I am shy he is out going, where he is nervous I thrive. When one of us is feeling weak the other carries the strength for us both. He can complete my sentences. He knows my likes and dislikes. He takes my sarcasm and dishes it right back. He is my partner, my lover, my friend, my rock, my reason. He never pushes me to be something I'm not but always pushes me to fulfill the potential of who I could be. He takes each moment and makes it amazing, even if it is only to watch our favorite shows, or take a drive, or to hold me while I sleep. He provides for us amazingly so I can be what I have always wanted to be. A mother. He treasures me even when I am so frustrated and frumpy I want to hide.

Thank you for 9 amazing years my love!

What really is a family?

We took a recent trip to visit my SIL and her family and as we were sitting and talking as per our usual I had an epiphany. She is very much what family should be. This led to the wondering of what family really is and means. Family is supposed to love despite our faults. Family is supposed to be our biggest cheerleader and our strongest critic. When we are at the cliffs edge family stands beside us to pull us back and at the bottom of the cliff to catch us. Luckily Hubs and I are blessed with more family than we sometimes know what to do with. Sometimes though family becomes a crutch, a way to get ahead in life with little actual effort, a parachute that becomes a safety blanket that never goes away, cushioning us from dealing with life. Those instances turn the very definition of family from "love" to "toxic". How do we deal with that? When does love and support turn into something decidedly more harmful and what steps need to be taken to save not only the relationship but the giver's sanity? I began to ponder this and really try to think of solutions. I see many toxic relationships throughout life and knowing how to find the balance is so important. I came to realize that some relationships have no safe way to remove the harmful parts. If one person tries then the very essence of family requires another to step into that void and become the one being hurt. Maybe another solution is not to end the harmful aspects of a relationship but to accept them in a bid to protect others from feeling more pain the you do. I do know that sometimes we have to sacrifice much to receive the blessings.

Christmas is right around the corner......

and I am not sure what to do about it, lol. My husband is 1 of 7 kids and I am the oldest of 5 so our list could be huge. Add 22 nieces and nephews with 21 being from my husband and we are full to bursting with names. If we bought for everyone we would be broker than Gracie's thermometer. So our solution has varied depending on family but for the hubs side we draw names as families so there are 7 entered and you buy a family gift for under $30. Great solution. My family has procrastinated so who knows what's up there. I also plan to have Bug adopt 2 "Angels" off of a giving tree so she can learn more about the spirit of giving rather than focusing on the getting side. This weekend I am going to decorate and hopefully get the tree. (We have to do fresh because husband is allergic to plastic.) That will help fill the house with the spirit of the season. For me that is my favorite part. The joy and love, the smells and tastes, the lights and the music. Hubs and I as usual spoiled each other and the girls despite telling the other to buy nothing, lol. He says thats what couples do. We also are going to follow up on some traditions. For example I am not a fan of those large packages of ornaments that are all the same. I like individual. So Hub and I started when we were first together each picking an ornament every year that is unique and all our own. After Bug came she joined in and this year we have Squeak so we will add 4 new ornaments. I think it is one of my favorite things. What traditions do you guys have? Let us know!!

Cooking, family, and one busy blogger

My family began to descend this week for my sister's wedding. My favorite uncle in the whole world currently resides in Australia and hasn't been home in over two years. He's a blast, and has pampered my sister and I since we were teeny (he never had any kids himself). The last time he saw the Boy he was barely walking so I'm very happy Jack and I get to spend so much time with him. He also has a homemade smoker (and by homemade, I mean rigged from a 50-gallon drum) that has been languishing at my dad's place and he intends to clean up and show me how to use so I can take it to my house.

I haven't done much cooking since the fourth to be honest. I knew I was going to be busy, so I've made several large batches of things that store and re-heat well. Yesterday we had a sort of family pow-wow and I made a large pot of my Taco Soup. All you require is beans (I used canned chili, pinto, black and kidney in equal portions, liquid included) corn, ground beef and taco seasoning. You cook the meat according to the spice directions, throw all the beans (and corn) and juices on top and simmer for a while. I let it stew at least on hour, but it's fine to let it go most the day and people can dip out of it when they want.

I also finally got around to making tortilla chips. I used flour tortillas because I had them around, but boy do they whip up quick and tasty! I did plain salted and cinnamon and sugar, both. I did have an unfortunate incident where I dropped my very very expensive cell phone into the frying oil, but by some fluke accident it seems to be none the worse for wear.

Tomorrow I've roped a couple of cousins into helping me make and can pie filling (muwahahaha) so hopefully I will have some pictures and fun things to update tomorrow.

I'd Appreciate If You Didn't Grab My Asp

TOR posted a link to Women of Caliber a while back and I started browsing it because, well, as a single mom being prepared to defend yourself and your family is NEVER a bad thing. It's written by women self-defense instructors, so I knew it wasn't just someone blowing smoke.

It should be mentioned (I'm not sure that I've really blogged about it) TOR and Ryan the 3L have both been bugging me about being more prepared for home defense. And although something happening to the Boy is my biggest reason to have a home firearm, it's also my biggest concern about having one. He is horribly curious, and is also a ninja. There is not a way for me to safety store a loaded weapon in my home, short of in one of those safes that only open for your fingerprint (and I don't have that kind of $$$ just hanging around). We (the Ryan's and I, as well as others) have been considering and weighing options for more then a year, but I just haven't found one I can with good conscience settle on yet. Now, back to the subject.

I was browsing Women of Caliber and saw an article called Don't You Dare Touch My Asp. Considering my hesitation about getting a firearm, I can't believe I'd never thought of one. Now, I've never personally owned an Asp. A friend of ours had one growing up (which tells you a bit about how we all grew up), so I've seen it used and I would feel comfortable wielding one. They are very simple, but when used correctly can inflict a lot of damage. And as Kellene pointed out in her article, even if you can't manage to telescope the baton out, having a 6 inch- 2 lb hunk of steel in your hands is going to give any hits you get in quite a bit more impact.

I consulted TOR, and I think he generally agrees with me that an asp could be a solution for me considering my circumstances (although I'll let him speak for himself on the one). Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to look around some in town and see if I can't find one at a decent price. My dad (who used to be in law enforcement) also agreed to do lend me his melon for practicing on. No, I don't plan to actually hit him, but we are going to do some scenario type stuff. Practice makes perfect, and I'd rather not freeze up should I need to use the asp to defend myself.

Canning is Cool

Or at least it took an article from the New York Post for my sister to decide I hadn't completely lost my marbles.

A wandering soul!

So I grew up in a big construction family. I don't mean big as in family size but big as in bridges, dams, tunnels and the like. I was born in a tiny town in a small hospital and over the next 26 years I lived in 5 states. I have moved 14 times. I went to 3 elementary schools, 1 middle school, 2 junior high schools, and 2 high schools. I have seen and loved the western states close-up. I fell in love with Utah's mountains, Oregon's beaches, Washington's forrest, Texas' history and California's sunshine. I look forward to adding a new state and move to my list. Call me crazy but getting the chance to absorb the richness of a new place and discovering the beauty and wonder just gives me such a happy tingle. I feel fortunate that my husband chose this type of work because I grew up with it through my father. Each job you make new friends but keep old ones. It is a huge family of men and women who work hard and can play harder, who put their lives in danger to improve our lives. It can be a tunnel to clean a river, a damn to increase water storage, a bridge to span a canyon. They deserve so much gratitude from us and I am happy to be a part of it!