More questions!

I guess I should do my update. I am a bad blogger. Gracie is right. Plague feels like the right word. I have taken to describing myself as a medical conundrum. Really. It seems like the longer down a treatment path I go the more questions come up. I haven't been getting better in general. Pain, fatigue, brain fog. I see a pain clinic every month. This clinic is a bit frustrating because 1-they never told me they were not a preferred provider so I got a massive bill. 2- I never see the same doc. Ever. Each month is whomever is on office duty.

So I have had some weirdness and decided to track it. Over the last 2 years I have lost 60 lbs for no reason. No added exercise and no huge diet change. So I asked the clinic for my last few vital stats. A problem was then discovered. My heart rate is never below 110. I didn't notice really. Wanted the stats more for the weight.
Well due to the lack of care I decided to switch doctors. I met with hubby's doc to interview him. He was the one to see the heart issue. He checked it then and it was 117. He said I needed a cardiologist appointment asap. That my heart explained why I am so exhausted. Could explain the pain too. The cold hands and feet.Pretty much all of my issues could be because my heart it going nuts.

So now we have full GI workup because of the Celiac's worry and full cardiology work in the works and I feel so awful I am lucky to go from couch to bed to car. Just shopping is awful. Mopping is torture. My house is a mess. So for Christmas all I want is a maid service to completely clean my house top to bottom. And some freaking answers. Of course I'll settle for the answers.

Hot potato Lila!

Do you remember as a child playing the game called hot potato? You and your friends sat in a circle and passed a ball as quickly as you could without dropping it. If you let it drop you lost. Now imagine that game and every person in the circle is a doctor. A Hematologist, Primary Care Dr., Rheumatologist, Endocrinologist. They pass that potato so fast it blurs. I realized today I am that potato. FMS makes me that untouchable unwanted potato. Every doc runs a battery of tests just to rule out things so they can prove something else. Finally I thought I had hope. I found a well respected Rhemuatologist. FMS is after all in that category. Went in and she tried some meds and ran her slew of tests. Her meds made me sicker. Her tests agreed with everyone else. I am the healthiest sick person in the world. Today I was told that the nature of FMS makes it difficult for her to help me so she is passing me on to a pain management specialist. I get to add another doc to the circle. I am so frustrated I just sat in the car and cried. I wanted to avoid that fate. I battled during my teen years with a host of things, addiction being a close friend. Maybe I was lucky I faced that so young. I was very healthy and to a teen months feel like eons and I was through my bottom and clean by the time I was 17. It wasn't an easy road. I made it harder for myself by being deceitful and destructive. Then I found my guy and the world seemed to complete itself. I have never looked back and never wanted to. Even before I converted to the LDS religion I didn't drink. I didn't smoke. The only time I ever took a strong prescription was when my girls were born and when I had kidney stones/infection or my wisdom teeth pulled. I don't even allow them to numb me at the dentist anymore. So this prospect has me very upset. I do not want to take pain drugs. The thought of risking that just terrifies me. Yet it has also been shown that so far the biggest proven help for FMS is pain drugs.

This potato is so overcooked.

Birthday fun with Lila!

Today is my 29th birthday! Yay me! Last night my awesome other half took me on a date. We went to a movie. I chose "One Day" because I adore Anne Hathaway. The story also seemed interesting. Of course I had never read the book. I ended up crying my eyes out. Way too emotional of a movie for birthday fun.

Today I was presented with my gifts. All sorts of fun Browning pink & camo stuff for my Durango. Very cute. The pink is also not so overwhelming that my guy hates to drive it. I love it. My seats were getting just a little sunfaded and I was worrying about it. Leave it to my guy to think about the solution in a way I love.

We wanted to shoot today but of course we are under heat advisory and thunderstorm warning. The heat and wet is oppressive and the clouds are ominous in their rolling black waves. Our club is not quite done with the indoor range yet. Sooo home we stay. Eh. I have movies, chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream, and my brother in law is making a yummy dinner. Life is good.

* yes that is me in the reflection taking the pic!

Gracie the lifesaver.

It's a good thing Gracie is posting because try as I might to think of an uplifting post or something that sounds happy I just can't this week. I am in a full blown funk of negativity despite still making good progress on my book. So instead I leave you with a Friday Funny.

Created a blog just for my writing.

I am going forward in a life with positive thinking. Kat's book will be done soon and somehow I am going to publish. I want to blog about that work and all my writing but I don't want it taking over here so i made a blog just for the writing. So if you are interested in it and in supporting it please follow that too. Trust me that it is okay if you don't want to follow it. I do write chick stuff. I am also writing more than that and with North's help am getting a world built that I think you manly men will enjoy as well. No pressure though, lol.



Lila's Books - The Blog!

Blah.....

Today is a day for the blah's. It is already 91 outside and will hit 105 by noon. Hubby and BIL are both welding right now with Hubby in the tunnel so they are averaging 112+. Very bad. My poor guy comes home and pretty much eats, showers and goes to bed until the next day. I seem to have a stomach bug that has resulted in some major pain. YUCK.

Today starts an important process in the custody fight concerning my niece and nephew. It makes me reflect again on how hard divorce is. I really wish that all couples who end up divorcing could step back from their own hurt and anger and put it aside for the sake of their kids. Seeing how the bitterness and fighting has hurt these kids makes my chest ache. I want to take them away and make it better but I know that they are with the parent who can best take care of them. They both had to grow up far to quickly and it is such a shame. I can only hope that the court system works for them.

Dinner tonight is all about cleaning out the fridge. It is full of some scrumptious left overs and we are running out of space for other things.

Monkey slept horribly last night and ended up in our bed. I think her tummy hurts as much as mine. Bug had her first friend sleep over last night and i think it went well. They had treats and played on the trampoline before sleeping out there under the stars. I am so glad she is coming out of her shell and really being more social.

As you can see the blah's mean life here is pretty un-exciting today. I finished editing the second chapter of my book and am slowly chugging through. Hopefully I have it ready by my birthday, which was my original goal. The other book needs a little less in the edit department I think so shouldn't take as long. I am excited to put them out and see how it goes. Then I want to dig in to the first in the youth fantasy adventure book. i am also thinking the paranormal cop series I started might be more fun and have more depth if it was post-apocalyptic. Still law and order but with a different world circumstance. That idea bears more thought.

I did it!!

I finally finished my re-write of chapter 1 on my first book. Uggg........ I put the new and the old up on my facebook if anyone is interested in checking it out. Add me by my email Lila at readlilawilliams dot com!! It has some cussing and a chick gets beat by her husband but she gets some good licks in too and she leaves. I like the new much better than the old but would love some thoughts!

Lila gets a gun!

Woo hoo. I went and bought my conceal carry gun yesterday. I went a little bigger than I had anticipated but I think the trade off was worth it. I looked at the whole range but my choices are not as broad as some as I am a lefty. So either it needed to be a revolver or an ambidextrous semi-auto. A couple reasons I wanted that was ease of use. My .40 is no made for a left handed user. So to switch clips I had to switch hands as my mag release was located for the right thumb. Same for the slide. I had taught myself to shoot right handed if I had too but it still was not my strong side. Hubby was pushing for a hammerless revolver. No issue with slides or mag release.


So we looked through Hubby's favorite local shop. I honestly had never been in having always just waited in the car with the girls when we had an ammo purchase or at home. I got lucky that the owner/instructor was the one who helped me. On top of my need as a lefty I also needed it to be something smooth and easy. My FMS means days when my hand strength is very little so I needed a slide I could pull back with ease even on a bad day and that I could release even without a bullet in the chamber. Trigger needed to be firm but easy enough for me to work. I wanted it to also be safe enough for me to feel comfortable with the kids around it.

I tried a few of the semi-auto's but had a hard time with the slide release. It was a bad day strength wise which made it the perfect day to shop. Finally we narrowed it to the new S & W Bodyguard .38 Special Revolver and the HK P2000 9MM Semi Auto. I took both into the range to try. I shot the HK first and honestly wasn't sure I liked the kick. Then I shot the .38 and that was terrible for me. The fibro makes all my joints hurt and the kick to the revolver shot agony through my hands. Beautiful little gun and my husband loved it. He may go back to get it anyway for that reason but for me the HK was a much better fit. So I got it!!

We bought it, my conceal holster to go at the base of my spine. I think on my person that is the best spot for it. We also got several types of home defense rounds to see which one feels better when I shoot. I also got snap caps to practice my dry fire and slide at home without worry of damage. We put my open carry holster on order and I will take my concealed weapons course next month. So this girl is getting better prepared. I feel I have to. Crime here is going through the roof. I am not going to open carry all over the place, but when we are on the quads in the desert I plan to. I also will probably conceal carry pretty regularly.

Been a while since I've posted.....

but things here have been pretty dull. My mountain man decided the trailer was way to big and actually followed my advice so we sold it and put money back where it needed to be. I am going to buy my concealed carry weapon this week. In our new state you take a course and have to qualify with the weapon you plan to carry and my .40 is just not quite the right fit. I don't feel super comfortable with it and my lack of hand strength from my FMS needs to be a consideration as well as he fact that I am a lefty. My right handed guy bought the .40 for me so the ease of use for safety release is not there and the slide is not fluid. It takes more strength than I always have. So looking myself for a gun that will work. Pretty excited for the prospect since I usually leave the weapons buying to Hubby.

Bug and Monkey are growing like weeds. We had to shave the little ones head because she decided to roll around in glue. It was great fun for my husband but I cried. He hair was already short so it isn't a huge difference but still enough to make me sad!

We still have a dual family house at the moment. Teenagers are fun. It has been nice to switch off cooking duties though I know my BIL is anxious to be doing more than household chores.

Life is good in the desert though the heat is starting to hit already. Not looking forward to it at all!

I am a horrible blogger!!!

Hey all! I am a horrible blogger. There has been so much going on in recent weeks that I have slacked. I am sorry!! So much that I am not sure where to start, lol. We had drama, we had laughter, we had sadness, we had silly days. What a roller coaster!

I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) and told to change my diet fairly radically. I have a minimum of sugar (as in a sprnkle if a regular recipe calls for it) so have been sweets free for over a month. Low dairy, low red meat, high raw foods. It has been rough but I have lost 15 lbs at last check and while I still have most of my symptoms it is not nearly as often!!

I have been working to repair one damaged relationship with someone I love a lot and allowing myself to let go of one that can't be saved. That has been amazingly hard. I am such a quiet person and I do not do well with confrontation. Stress make my FMS issues worse. So I had to really take a minute and see that if something is so toxic as to cause me physical pain it needs to not be in my life. It has broken my heart but it also has needed to happen.

My Big Hunter Man (hehehe I love you babe!) went on a 10 day bear hunt to the deeper parts of Canada with his Dad and some of the men from work. He even got a bear but it wasn't much of a bleeder and the wilds so thick that they guides weren't able to track it. He plans to go back next year with his Dad and brothers!

I had some wonderful time with a SIL and her family!!! They have always brought such joy to my life. (See epic weekend post!)

Anyway...... I was catching up on my blog reading when I saw a wonderful piece on our Brother Blog about single income families. We are a single income family. (Since I tend to give my web designing away, haven't sold a book and only make a little with my shop. Oops.) We are very blessed that we are able to do this. We are lucky that Hubby makes enough for us to not need to watch every penny but we weren't always here. When we moved to the PNW we had the crib, our kitchen table, clothes, dishes and a prayer. Hubby and I slept on the floor for a while as we slowly bought furniture. Even then it was important to both of us that I be home with our children. I think the best gift you can give your child is the relationship with yourself. My girls know that Mama is always here for them. I get to see the first steps of the first book read all alone. I can make sure they eat good things and are always safe. That is so important to a child. I had a lot of nanny's as i grew up and it was rough when one left and another came. I fell in love with them. I needed them. BUT when the job was done i had no place in their lives so i always had a feeling of abandonment. My Dad and my grandparents were the only constants through those years and while they were amazing I still was tough. I love knowing my children don't have to worry about any of that!!

I did it!!

I hit the 50k mark and won NaNoWriMo this year. I even took 3 days off for Thanksgiving weekend. I have to say it is incredibly gratifying to be able to accomplish such a wonderful goal. The book isn't done, lol, but I have an awesome start and I hope to finish by February.

Writing......

I am working on a new book. No real title yet. I call it Sam's Book 1, lol. Yes I know I am the queen of original. Anyway this month is NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month for all of you not in the writing community. The goal? Write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I passed the 35k mark last night and am on track to meet the 50k by the 30th. Book won't be done at 50k though, lol. The story is flowing, the detail is amazing, and I think it is my best book yet. It has romance, shapeshifting were animals, ghosts, crime, and some undercover digging. I am loving it. So here's to hitting the mark and beyond and making a dang fine book in the process.

And the emmy for forgetfulness goes to . . . .

ME!!! I swear I am going absolutely cuckoo. So Monday I decided it was time to actually buy the Thanksgiving dinner fixings. I figured Costco was the place to go since we are hosting this year. I took Bug to school and knew that Costco still had an hour to open so I figured I would go to Walmart to get diapers for Squeak. Once inside the store I remembered that we had a guest bed being delivered this week and we needed bedding for it. So I got mattress covers, sheets, blankets, and pillows. I went through the check out and remembered I needed diapers. Dumb Lila! So I put the bedding in my truck and went back in. Got diapers and some clothes for Squeak. Checked out. . . . and remembered that we needed milk. I was about to go back in when I realized Costco's milk was cheaper and tasted better. So I went to Costco and I got milk and other odds and ends. Got to the car and discovered my brain had totally fried as I had forgotten every single Thanksgiving item. 2 hours of shopping and not a single thing I had originally planed to get.

So my secret should be revealed!

I write. HAHA! More than this blog actually. I write romantic suspense books. None published yet since I teamed up with a do-nothing agent who refused to do the work he was supposed to. Anyway I am working on my website and when it is done I would love input from everyone. Besides my family and loved ones writing is my passion. I chose romantic suspense for a couple reasons. 1- I love a good love story. 2- Suspense lets me kill people on paper that drive me insane thus relieving stress and helping me to not want to really hurt them, lol. Like an ex sister in law who shall remain nameless. So I look forward to sharing another big part of me with all of you!

Twitter!

So we also now have a twitter! Follow us and see what's going on!

Total Survivalist Libertarian Bitch Fest on twitter!

Email Us!

You can now email us girls with any questions you have at tslbfblog@gmail.com! We love to hear from you with any question, concerns or suggestions!

P.S.> If you want an answer from one of us specifically, please say so. Otherwise, we'll just answer the best we can!

Introducing Lila!

We are going to have another author on our blog! Lila is an amazing friend of Gracie and I's, and she will be a great addition to the blog. I don't want to spill too many beans about her, so I'll let her tell you herself when she gets the chance.