I tried to think of a witty title. Some catchy phrase or comforting words to convey my thoughts and pull in readers but honestly every article or blog I've seen has covered the gamut and almost all have just felt off. I feel like so many of the pieces I've read have fit into two categories. They either approach things as a tribute and a "he's free" vibe or they bash him as selfish or cowardly.
To me both are wrong, harmful, and so incredibly dangerous. I've battled with depression my whole life. Before my illness had a name and before I had a support system who supported, believed, and encouraged I attempted suicide. Depression, anxiety, bipolar or any other mood disorder is so much larger than a quick fix. It is often a life long battle. I can't know his thoughts, no one can, but I know debilitating illness. The news of his Parkinsons diagnosis I think sheds more light on his motives. No matter what drove him we must be careful in glorifying or condemning. Instead we have to focus on helping others. On his life. Those are the stories I've liked most.
To me the most important part of this is that he hit a point where he felt so hopeless that he made the ultimate irreversible choice and that we must all make sure that we love those around us so completely that they know that no matter what battle they face they are never judged, never alone, and never forsaken. We must listen. We must love. We must be the light in their darkness.
We must also be willing to talk, to seek help, to count on others when we feel lost. I've been in med changes recently and it has brought back some pretty hard core anxiety attacks. At first I was very resistant to even talk about them. I hate adding more issues for the people I love to see. And that just made them worse. I had to count on the people I love, even at 3 AM.
Be a light. I hope I am.
I believe you are a light. I hope I am too.
ReplyDeletethank you, Kim, for writing a very beautiful post with my thoughts exactly. i feel that all of the posts that i have seen about his death were exactly as you say, either glorifying or bashing. these types of posts completely miss the fact that he was battling whatever demons, we don't know for how long and when someone gets to a point of suicide - you wish they had have asked for help.
ReplyDeleteyour post is very thoughtful and thank you for sharing your story. you are a light!
your friend,
kymber
Please do, go for that light. I was married to someone who had depression and bi-polar disorder Add in alcohol which added rage to the fits of deep down-- it wasn't good. But I stayed, hoping he would get help and he refused to. It ended badly, but at least not because I wasn't willing to try. Never give up, never give in.
ReplyDeleteIt takes courage to talk about these battles. I had a spouse that fought the same demons and it didn't end well for either of us. You do what you can, for as long as you can.
ReplyDeleteBless you