Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Embracing a new day!

I tend to live in my happy place as much as I can. I try to always find the blessings even in the worst of situations. I face life with the hope that it will be bright and beautiful. I know it isn't always that way. I have had my fair share of trials and cruddy days. Part of being me are the flashes of darkness before I make the light shine through. I was once asked what I would get for a tattoo if I had one and I had to think a minute before the answer became obvious. My husband and I are very much about there being meaning in something like that so for me it would be a fairy. She would be beautiful, long hair flowing down her back, wings spread as if about to fly, arms lifted and head thrown back with a grin of sheer joy on her face. In front of her is a mirror and her reflection is the total opposite. Wings drooping low, arms crossed over her chest as her head is bowed with tears streaming down her face. I feel like those two parts of me are there every day but I just choose to embrace the happier side. I think we all have the darkness. We all have battles to face, trials to overcome. We have to make a choice. We can let those hard things rule our lives or we can look at them and stand tall and smile and press through to the brighter side. Every day I have moments where I make the conscious choice to push through. I think everyone has those moments. It can be just getting out of bed on time rather than hitting the snooze button. It can be putting the Tylenol back in the bottle so you only take a healthy amount rather than try to dull life away. It can be taking a breath in a moment of frustration rather than letting loose the words that popped into our heads. They seem like little things but in the course of the day all those little positive choices add up until you are living your life in the sun and when those rain storms come you are much more likely to see the rainbows through the clouds!

I have also recently embraced letting go of things that add to the darkness. It is okay to remove yourself from situations that cause hurt. If they can't be healed to the point that the light can shine through than it is okay to step back and let go. In fact I think sometimes the only choice is to let go. It has taken me a long time to really truly grasp that idea. I am a fixer. I want to fix it even if it hurts. It may take a while because it is our nature to not want to do something painful but I still was pressing on. I was holing on to some negativity and letting it color how I felt about myself and what I was doing with my life. I am going to change that. It may not be as fast as I would like and I know I will still have moments where I step back to that place of negativity but I plan to embrace a new way of thought. I am beautiful. I am smart and willing to learn. I am creative. I am a fantastic wife, a terrific mother, and a dang good writer. I taught myself html. I have a life full of people I love and who love me for exactly who I am.

Who really needs more than that?

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