Revolver or rifle? How about both?

Yup how about both? I recently posted that my BIL bought a gun. Not just any gun. He bought a Circuit Judge made by Taurus. Yeah honestly I think the idea of a revolver in a rifle just fascinated that kid in side as it really serves no purpose to expand the list of protection weapons. Will it kill a bad guy? I am sure. Shooting 410/45 Colt rounds can do that. But it isn't very practical. Of course BIL is far ahead of us in his stash so practical isn't always the top thing in his mind, haha. He is in love. I think it is funny how he and J.W. both look like little boys in a candy store. I swear they might actually be worse than that. It is cute. They hope to go and play with it next weekend. This weekend he is playing with it by scoping it and getting it just right with a sling and all. I swear if he won the lottery he might not notice.

Embracing a new day!

I tend to live in my happy place as much as I can. I try to always find the blessings even in the worst of situations. I face life with the hope that it will be bright and beautiful. I know it isn't always that way. I have had my fair share of trials and cruddy days. Part of being me are the flashes of darkness before I make the light shine through. I was once asked what I would get for a tattoo if I had one and I had to think a minute before the answer became obvious. My husband and I are very much about there being meaning in something like that so for me it would be a fairy. She would be beautiful, long hair flowing down her back, wings spread as if about to fly, arms lifted and head thrown back with a grin of sheer joy on her face. In front of her is a mirror and her reflection is the total opposite. Wings drooping low, arms crossed over her chest as her head is bowed with tears streaming down her face. I feel like those two parts of me are there every day but I just choose to embrace the happier side. I think we all have the darkness. We all have battles to face, trials to overcome. We have to make a choice. We can let those hard things rule our lives or we can look at them and stand tall and smile and press through to the brighter side. Every day I have moments where I make the conscious choice to push through. I think everyone has those moments. It can be just getting out of bed on time rather than hitting the snooze button. It can be putting the Tylenol back in the bottle so you only take a healthy amount rather than try to dull life away. It can be taking a breath in a moment of frustration rather than letting loose the words that popped into our heads. They seem like little things but in the course of the day all those little positive choices add up until you are living your life in the sun and when those rain storms come you are much more likely to see the rainbows through the clouds!

I have also recently embraced letting go of things that add to the darkness. It is okay to remove yourself from situations that cause hurt. If they can't be healed to the point that the light can shine through than it is okay to step back and let go. In fact I think sometimes the only choice is to let go. It has taken me a long time to really truly grasp that idea. I am a fixer. I want to fix it even if it hurts. It may take a while because it is our nature to not want to do something painful but I still was pressing on. I was holing on to some negativity and letting it color how I felt about myself and what I was doing with my life. I am going to change that. It may not be as fast as I would like and I know I will still have moments where I step back to that place of negativity but I plan to embrace a new way of thought. I am beautiful. I am smart and willing to learn. I am creative. I am a fantastic wife, a terrific mother, and a dang good writer. I taught myself html. I have a life full of people I love and who love me for exactly who I am.

Who really needs more than that?

10 year reunion.

Recently a friend from high school has been posting about our 10 year reunion which is in June. My husband asked me if I wanted to go and I had to think about it for a second. My first thought was no because when you envision your reunion you envision being able to share accomplishments. To show the friends who stood by you that they were right and the people who doubted you that you did better than they expected. I haven't done anything special, no world changing, no college. Then I thought some more. And realized that was crap. That was me allowing my low self-esteem to rule my thinking and allowing those who doubted I would do anything with my life to win. I have done amazing things. I married the man I adore when I was 18 and despite it all, including some 'friends' expectations, we are happier than ever. I gave birth to our first child when I was 19. Bug is 8 now and amazes me every day. She can be very grown up and helpful one minute and the next she is on her trampoline, soaking wet, and laughing like a loon. She loves to cuddle still. She has a ton of fun playing games with me. She thinks Russell on survivor is a jerk and that JT is dumb. She tells me how the girls on 16 and pregnant really should have waited until marriage. She has a giving soul and a heart to match. I helped to do that. I've taught myself HTML by the time I was 22 and have quite a few websites under my belt and being visited regularly. I have completed 2 books of at least 60,000 words each before my 25th birthday. At 26 I gave birth to my second child. Squeak is curiosity personified. She has to look at everything, to touch it, hear it, and even, to my dismay, taste it. She can climb like a monkey and nothing soothes her more than a Mommy hug. She loves to cuddle her Daddy and give her big sister kisses. She refuses to use a spoon because then she couldn't smear her food all over. She knows who she likes and who she doesn't and has no qualms letting the world know. She loves to be outside. She thinks sharing candy with me is super fun and refuses to sleep through the night. I helped create her too. I have a 9 year marriage under my belt. We have a home and a life and are secure in each other and our marriage. My girls are happy. I have friends who love me, who share my worries and make me laugh when I need to. I have family that never fails to surprise me. So in actuality I have accomplished and accumulated much in these 10 years post graduation. I have conquered and enjoyed life even in the rough spots. I have absolutely no regrets because every decision, good or bad, every person, either helpful or hindrance, has led me to this moment. This glorious, serene, beautiful, whirl that is my life. So eat that all you doubters, and friends.... thank you for always knowing that the girl I hid would one day make me into the wife and mother I have become!

Christmas is right around the corner......

and I am not sure what to do about it, lol. My husband is 1 of 7 kids and I am the oldest of 5 so our list could be huge. Add 22 nieces and nephews with 21 being from my husband and we are full to bursting with names. If we bought for everyone we would be broker than Gracie's thermometer. So our solution has varied depending on family but for the hubs side we draw names as families so there are 7 entered and you buy a family gift for under $30. Great solution. My family has procrastinated so who knows what's up there. I also plan to have Bug adopt 2 "Angels" off of a giving tree so she can learn more about the spirit of giving rather than focusing on the getting side. This weekend I am going to decorate and hopefully get the tree. (We have to do fresh because husband is allergic to plastic.) That will help fill the house with the spirit of the season. For me that is my favorite part. The joy and love, the smells and tastes, the lights and the music. Hubs and I as usual spoiled each other and the girls despite telling the other to buy nothing, lol. He says thats what couples do. We also are going to follow up on some traditions. For example I am not a fan of those large packages of ornaments that are all the same. I like individual. So Hub and I started when we were first together each picking an ornament every year that is unique and all our own. After Bug came she joined in and this year we have Squeak so we will add 4 new ornaments. I think it is one of my favorite things. What traditions do you guys have? Let us know!!

Rain rain come again!!

We finally got a rain storm. It only lasted a couple hours but it was wonderful. Bug and I danced in it just to show our joy. What wonderful things are going on in your life today? Even if it is a day where you want to hide under a rock I dare you to tell me one blessing of the day!!

A wandering soul!

So I grew up in a big construction family. I don't mean big as in family size but big as in bridges, dams, tunnels and the like. I was born in a tiny town in a small hospital and over the next 26 years I lived in 5 states. I have moved 14 times. I went to 3 elementary schools, 1 middle school, 2 junior high schools, and 2 high schools. I have seen and loved the western states close-up. I fell in love with Utah's mountains, Oregon's beaches, Washington's forrest, Texas' history and California's sunshine. I look forward to adding a new state and move to my list. Call me crazy but getting the chance to absorb the richness of a new place and discovering the beauty and wonder just gives me such a happy tingle. I feel fortunate that my husband chose this type of work because I grew up with it through my father. Each job you make new friends but keep old ones. It is a huge family of men and women who work hard and can play harder, who put their lives in danger to improve our lives. It can be a tunnel to clean a river, a damn to increase water storage, a bridge to span a canyon. They deserve so much gratitude from us and I am happy to be a part of it!