Hot potato Lila!

Do you remember as a child playing the game called hot potato? You and your friends sat in a circle and passed a ball as quickly as you could without dropping it. If you let it drop you lost. Now imagine that game and every person in the circle is a doctor. A Hematologist, Primary Care Dr., Rheumatologist, Endocrinologist. They pass that potato so fast it blurs. I realized today I am that potato. FMS makes me that untouchable unwanted potato. Every doc runs a battery of tests just to rule out things so they can prove something else. Finally I thought I had hope. I found a well respected Rhemuatologist. FMS is after all in that category. Went in and she tried some meds and ran her slew of tests. Her meds made me sicker. Her tests agreed with everyone else. I am the healthiest sick person in the world. Today I was told that the nature of FMS makes it difficult for her to help me so she is passing me on to a pain management specialist. I get to add another doc to the circle. I am so frustrated I just sat in the car and cried. I wanted to avoid that fate. I battled during my teen years with a host of things, addiction being a close friend. Maybe I was lucky I faced that so young. I was very healthy and to a teen months feel like eons and I was through my bottom and clean by the time I was 17. It wasn't an easy road. I made it harder for myself by being deceitful and destructive. Then I found my guy and the world seemed to complete itself. I have never looked back and never wanted to. Even before I converted to the LDS religion I didn't drink. I didn't smoke. The only time I ever took a strong prescription was when my girls were born and when I had kidney stones/infection or my wisdom teeth pulled. I don't even allow them to numb me at the dentist anymore. So this prospect has me very upset. I do not want to take pain drugs. The thought of risking that just terrifies me. Yet it has also been shown that so far the biggest proven help for FMS is pain drugs.

This potato is so overcooked.