Feminism is about equality, right?

Recently I read this blog titled "I look down on young women with husband's and kids, and I'm not sorry."  I was honestly stunned. I knew that there were people who felt like that. Choosing motherhood is very often misunderstood these days.

BUT I thought the point of feminism was that women had a choice. We fought for the right to be seen as equally relevant,  equally respectable, equally capable of choosing our paths for ourselves. We wanted to be able to be what ever we dreamed of.

I dreamed of being a mother. From the first moment I could dream I wanted this life. As a toddler my babies went everywhere I went. When my brother was born just before my 4th birthday I was in heaven. A little being for me to love and protect, teach and nurture. And until he was 18 I did so. Even after I tried. For most of his life I was the only mother he had.

When I met my guy I knew. I knew we could be a team. I knew we could make a family. Then our first was born and I had my dream. I was a wife and mother. My choice had always been made. It was made against my family's desires for me, against what society thought. I lost people due to my choice but I knew it was the right choice for me.

As I've grown and shed the disappointment of others and become more empowered in my choice I've realized that is what true feminism is. Making the choice we desire for ourselves, celebrating it, and celebrating other women happy in their choice. It can be no kids, no spouse, no career, all of it. What ever choice makes each individual happy deserves respect, love, and support. We owe that to our sisters in this journey of life.

Forgiving

Something my life allows is a lot of time in my own head. Being a wife and mom is the best thing but add my illness and I'm not running this kid here and that one there, doing PTA, driving carpool, baking and crafting. Most days I hurt and so I sit and cuddle my kids and husband. However they are kids and need to play and do and be and he needs to sleep. So I get lost in my own brain. I read or write. I watch movies or play games. I think. A lot.

My musing has led to much reflecting on the path I've taken.  I've learned a lot about forgiveness.  I learned to forgive the mother who birthed me and spent those early years abusing me. I honestly believe she didn't know any better. She had no idea how to be a mother, how to comfort, to protect, to cherish. I learned to forgive my Dad and to let go. I think he truly did the best he could. In his world "lose weight, stop being stupid, stop crying, grow up, you can do better, ect..." was the way you taught a child to become a contributing member of society.  It honestly wasn't his fault I am a sensitive, empathetic person. That I ached for praise. I realized recently that I do fogive him. I just don't trust him, not with me or my children. That's a hard reality.  I also had to accept you can forgive without trust.

I have so many people I love. Family I treasure.  And I've come to see that the wounds and forgiveness of my past are what help me be a great mom, a loving wife. I still have moments where I struggle, where all I hear are the voices of my childhood. Then I look at my hands and see my wedding ring and my mother's ring and am reminded that I have grown into so much more and that my ability to forgive and be positive rather than wallow in negative thoughts is what will help shape my girls into strong women.

They are so like me. So sensitive,  so empathetic,  so easy to bruise. I see my eldest struggle in ways I did and know part of that was because we were so young when she was born. We learned hard with her. But she has one thing I didn't.  Parents who love her and each other and who tell her so every day, who teach her her beauty and worth. Who teach her forgiveness.  It is one of the best gifts after all.