Victim shaming is shamful.

Recently two very big stories dealing with abuse have hit the news. First the arrest of Sons of Guns patriarch Will Haden on multiple sex abuse charges including the rape of a minor. Then the video of Ray Rice knocking out his then fiance Janay in a pretty brutal elevator fight.

Both stories have shocked their respective communities and the world. Story after story floods my facebook and twitter. A dear friend works in the domestic violence sector and has had almost non-stop interviews.

The thing that has pissed me off though is the victim blaming bull crap. Why did Stephanie Haden stay quiet all these years? She could have done this or that........ Why did Janay marry him? What was she thinking?

Seriously? !? Many victims go throuh a slew of emotions and have a journey they have to travel. They can feel shame, feel denial, disbelief. They can blame themselves or feel like they deserve it. They don't feel safe sharing or don't feel like they will be heard.

It is not for us to judge. It is not for us to force them to tell their stories or accept help. It is not for us to rail at them for making a choice we think we would make differently when we are not walking their road.

I have no real memory of what happened to me. I had years of nightmares. Of being tiny and faceless men. I have the suspicions of my grandmother.  I have my biological mother's police record from the years that followed and her behavior with me that makes those nightmares and suspicions a whole lot more plausible.  That explains a lot of the weird hangups and frustrating issues that have interfered with my life and relationships that took a whole lot of therapy to face. Sometimes I can talk about it but sometimes I can't.  Sometimes the words or thoughts choke me. They press on my chest, they confuse me, they make me feel weak and inadequate.

So please, when you read a story, or even hear something from someone, please just listen and love them no matter what. No matter the path they are on or the choice they are making.

Yet another pathetic excuse for a parent.

So I am working on getting rid of a headache and was just catching up on my news. A link on CNN's Nancy Grace's web page said "Toddler found dead in trash." I had to read it because stories like this just rip my heart out. Then I read the story and not only did my heart break but the anger factor went through the roof. I am so tired of reading and hearing about women who kill their children rather than ask for help or give them up. Race is no excuse, age is no excuse, laziness is no excuse, IQ is no excuse. There is no reason that children should die. Infants have safe haven recourse and older kids do have options. You can give up your rights. I know there can be legal ramifications but this has got to stop. I can't have any more children for a variety of reasons but we would love having more. We would adopt in a heartbeat and have actually talked about adopting a sibling pair from foster care once Squeak is older. My husband was in the system purely because his parents didn't want him. It was so hard sure, but better than being neglected and starved and abused due to shear stupidity and laziness. I miss the days when family was the most important and raising the children as a group was encouraged. It does take a village and all of us need to step up if we see a child in need so that these type of senseless acts never happen again.

I can't even find Words.

This makes me sick.

Seriously people......

knock this crap off.

I saw this wonderful story on my yahoo headlines. Child abuse spikes as U.S. economy flounders.
My goodness people!! Life right now is tough for a lot of people. Jobs are scarce, money gets tighter every day, hopelessness abounds. I understand the stress of that. The worry of 'Will I be able to provide for my family this week?'. No longer do we take our 401k for granted as we watched half of it disappear. No longer does the adjustable rate mortgage sound like a good idea. Life has changed. That is no reason to take out a fear or frustration on the children. They are our future. They are the reason we fight to get our economy back. They are the reason we work where ever we can even if it sucks or is below us. You can bet your butt I would be working in fast food if needed. Please remember there is hope always. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always and end to the rough patches in our life!