Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Ah, the French...
Dear Dad:
A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French Army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we Americans were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war in Iraq. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface again at some point in the near future anyway. I also told him that is why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of pansies for soldiers. I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support, if it ever came, was only for show anyway.
A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French Army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we Americans were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war in Iraq. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface again at some point in the near future anyway. I also told him that is why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of pansies for soldiers. I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support, if it ever came, was only for show anyway.
Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the burden, and provide 85% of the support, as evidenced by the fact that this French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around.
He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and whip his ass in front of the entire Multinational Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman. He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Dad, tell Mom I love her,
Your loving daughter.
This came from Marine LtCol Mary Beth Johnson, and this letter is epic!
(Thanks TJ)
He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and whip his ass in front of the entire Multinational Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman. He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Dad, tell Mom I love her,
Your loving daughter.
This came from Marine LtCol Mary Beth Johnson, and this letter is epic!
(Thanks TJ)
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Cows and Capitalism
Maggy here. I was Stumbling again and saw this on Manbottle Library. I had a chuckle so I thought I'd throw it up on here.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Boys!
I got this in my email a while back. some of these things I personally know to be true.
You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1.)A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way..
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
(My husband immediately went to the garage for the brake fluid)
You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1.)A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way..
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
(My husband immediately went to the garage for the brake fluid)
Friday, May 1, 2009
Friday Funny Part 2
I was watching the "Army Sleepy" video from TOR at TSLRF, and it reminded me of a video I first saw when Ex-Hole was deployed in 06-07.
I cracks me up everytime, and my personal favorite is between about the 35-40 second marks.
I cracks me up everytime, and my personal favorite is between about the 35-40 second marks.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Conversations with a 10 year old.
Hubby teasing me about building some kind of backwoods retreat: "We can find other couples to come with us but they have to have hot...(spies our 10 yr old looking at him)..sauce. Cause you know how I like spicy food."
Boy rolls his eyes and mutters "Yeah right, Dad."
Hubby: "What!? You don't even know what I am talking about."
Boy: "You're talking about HOT CHICKS, aren't you?!"
Boy rolls his eyes and mutters "Yeah right, Dad."
Hubby: "What!? You don't even know what I am talking about."
Boy: "You're talking about HOT CHICKS, aren't you?!"
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Quote of the Day
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. | |||
| - Emo Philips | |||
Friday, April 24, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Bacon made Comedy? My life is complete.
I haven't hidden my immense love for bacon. In fact, I practically shout it from the rooftops. I found this video on a bacon blog (yeah, they really exist I swear!) and had to post it.
Quote of the Day
Hubs - I am not a Republican and sure as hell not Democrat. What does that make me?
Lila - American!
*Discussion after we watched more political coverage on CNN.
Lila - American!
*Discussion after we watched more political coverage on CNN.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Quote of the Day
"You know what I was thinking? We should... *loud noises* Crap, I just fell off the treadmill!"
-Gracie via cell phone
(She's no longer allowed to walk and think at the same time)
-Gracie via cell phone
(She's no longer allowed to walk and think at the same time)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Time to introduce the amazing awesome splendid....... yeah you get the point!
Hehehe. Not to toot my own horn or anything. I'm Lila! 2 daughters, a husband I adore and a smattering of family that I take care of pretty much fills my days. Gracie and Maggy are my besties and totally help keep me sane. I tend to be the sunshine of the three of us much to the other girls annoyance or joy depending on the day. While Gracie and Mags are focusing on food my areas of prepardness prep right now are weapons and money money money. The food will come once I have a house rather than this small apartment. We are moving over 1000 miles soon so the house is coming! I am a liberal mormon. Yup I know... total oxymoron, but true! I am a bit of a nut and dance to the music in my head most days. Any other info you want to know just ask and I am happy to answer.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Why I refuse to have more then one kid...
Plausible Deniability.
If you have only one, you know who did it.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)