Monday.

I have watched CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Criminal Minds and Unusual Suspects. I can kill you 18 ways and make it look like Alvin and the Chipmunks did it.

I lost my mind... I think my kids took it

WARNING: Due to the recent conditions in behavior in this home, this mom could self-destruct at any moment! Children and husbands approach with caution!

Apparently I have just won the "Meanest Mom Ever" category. Congrats to me.

I am no longer afraid of natural disasters, wild animals, or terrorist attacks...I have sons!

And my personal favorite: Hey, you , yeah , the kid with the smart mouth. Did you know...that the tooth fairy don't leave money for the teeth your mama knocks out?

Today my accomplished the following:

Oldest son nearly broke the middle sons arm.

Middle son throws a tantrum and kicked my trashcan across the room.

Mom got fed up enough to throw the object of the fight across the room and broke it.

Middle son screams that he hates me and that I am the worst mother ever.

Oldest and youngest sons go outside to play with the neighbor kid.

Neighbor kids mom calls to tell me all five boys are on the roof.

Before I can round up all five kids, two have gone home and the other three have scattered.

Middle son comes screaming to (the worst ever) Mom to get the giant sliver pulled from his hand.

Mom sends the kids across the street to work out some energy picking apples.

This was all in about an hour. I am hiding in my room finding quotes that seem to fit my day and make me feel just a tiny bit better. Hope they made you feel better about your Monday.

Boys will be boys

I was reading an blog today about how hard it is for a boy to be a true boy. http://smallhold-pioneerpreppy.blogspot.com/2011/05/casualties-in-war-on-boys.html

Hubby and I have already been talking about our plans for teaching the boys survive if something were to happen. This blog just reinforced my decision to let my boys be boys.....within reason. I DO want to know where they are going. And I don't let them cross a particular road because they don't look for traffic.

Anyway, on to my summer plans. We are going to be doing A LOT of hiking. Each trip we are going to go a little further and push the envelope a little more. We are going to teach them to build a fire without matches. We are going to teach them how to build a shelter with what is at hand. I am going to teach them what native plants are edible and on one trip we will not take any food.

My boys are all boy and I kind of like it that way.

Boys!

I got this in my email a while back. some of these things I personally know to be true.

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.)A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way..
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

(My husband immediately went to the garage for the brake fluid)