Epiphany Dreams.

My favorite dreams are the ones that reveal something, that help us grow and learn. I dream a lot. it is actually a bad thing health wise as I don't slide into that deeper healing sleep easily but for my imagination it is a boon. I get many book ideas from my dreams. I get to be the tough badass supermom in my dreams that my body won't allow in reality. And every so often something pops through my dreams that defines the epiphany.

I usually have many dreams a night. If its a great story idea I try to note it down. This mornings final dream was lovely and one worth sharing.

It was Christmas and so beautiful out. I was in the mountains at some type of resort type place. It seemed like hundreds of people where there. So many families. There were trees and snow and a lake that was weirdly not frozen. In my dream we were doing different family things as a larger group and as just my little family. Games, and snow fights, boat rides and sledding. It was beautiful. But I began to notice a problem. Many of the families, and I recognized a lot of friends, of tv families, of celebrities, were not happy. The kids were fighting, the parents were oblivious. As some tried to decorate for the holiday others were miserable. Then one night we were gathered together for some type of pageant or display and I had decided enough was enough. I stood in front of all those people, many who were bickering and I told them to knock it off. I told them that they had forgotten their purpose. That the purpose of life was to parent a child. That it didn't matter how that dynamic looked. It didn't matter how a family was constructed but every adult had a responsibility to be the best they could be with a thought for the next generation in mind. That our job was to teach them a legacy of strength, compassion, honesty, generosity, and survival. We need to teach them skills that matter by showing them what matters.

Then I woke to my 4 year old Monkey yelling from down stairs for some cereal and I had to chuckle. It was funny to go from such peace to such yelling BUT I realized the thoughts were true. Every adult is a parent. It may be in the role of a teacher or a counselor. An aunt or uncle or just a family friend but we all interact with children and the children in our lives look to us to teach them. Yes the main teaching needs to be from their actual parent however we all need to be striving for more for them. They truly are our future. I know the kind of future I want to see and for them to have. Do you?

Monday.

I have watched CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Criminal Minds and Unusual Suspects. I can kill you 18 ways and make it look like Alvin and the Chipmunks did it.

I lost my mind... I think my kids took it

WARNING: Due to the recent conditions in behavior in this home, this mom could self-destruct at any moment! Children and husbands approach with caution!

Apparently I have just won the "Meanest Mom Ever" category. Congrats to me.

I am no longer afraid of natural disasters, wild animals, or terrorist attacks...I have sons!

And my personal favorite: Hey, you , yeah , the kid with the smart mouth. Did you know...that the tooth fairy don't leave money for the teeth your mama knocks out?

Today my accomplished the following:

Oldest son nearly broke the middle sons arm.

Middle son throws a tantrum and kicked my trashcan across the room.

Mom got fed up enough to throw the object of the fight across the room and broke it.

Middle son screams that he hates me and that I am the worst mother ever.

Oldest and youngest sons go outside to play with the neighbor kid.

Neighbor kids mom calls to tell me all five boys are on the roof.

Before I can round up all five kids, two have gone home and the other three have scattered.

Middle son comes screaming to (the worst ever) Mom to get the giant sliver pulled from his hand.

Mom sends the kids across the street to work out some energy picking apples.

This was all in about an hour. I am hiding in my room finding quotes that seem to fit my day and make me feel just a tiny bit better. Hope they made you feel better about your Monday.

NO child is disposable.

In the news every day we here of a missing child, or a dead child, or an abandoned child. Our society is flooded with foster kids. It is common place for a grandparent, an uncle, a friend, or even a co-worker to be raising a child not their own. My question is when did children become so disposable? Oh, your child was born with a handicap? Pass him off to someone else. Your teenager 'to much to handle'? Foster care will take her. It makes my blood boil. When you CHOOSE to raise a child you make that child a promise by that very act. You promise unconditional love. You promise to be a support and a comfort NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care if money is tight because of your child's needs. I don't care if she needs more medical assistance than you like. I don't care if he is skipping school and fighting. I DON'T CARE!! Suck it up and take care of your child. Children are rarely easy. They have ups and downs, they have needs and wants and dreams that we as parents are obligated to fill because we promised. I know that there are problems and hardships in raising a child. I know that as individuals one child's struggle can be much harder than another. That's humanity people. Fight for your children, not with them. Give reasonable boundaries. Stop what you are doing for one moment and hold your child close no matter how old they are. Tell them you love them and show them. Make each moment be a chance to let them know that no matter what they can count on you.

Moral quandary..... or is it?

A while back I faced a moral dilemma. A loved one called from 800 miles away to tell me that they felt their child was being abused. He claimed to have seen bruises and that she had a 104 temp but was being untreated. At the time the child was 8 months old. He told me he was scared and upset and that neither he or his estranged wife could take care of a child and could we help him by making sure his baby was safe and then adopting her. We wanted more children and we have always been open for adoption since I have such a hard time carrying to term so we said yes. But how to handle it? He said the mother would agree to adoption if we made sure it was a very open adoption. DO I say yes to that and agree knowing he also thinks she is abusing the baby? What do I do about the abuse? Some would say to stay out of it all. It was bound to be a drama filled situation. Some would say to report the abuse and then stay out of it. Some would say jump in and do all that can be done. Even without the legal obligation to report the abuse and insist on a well child check I would have done the last. This was a child in need. Frankly if ANYONE had called me with this story I would have leapt at helping. NO child deserves to be in danger. I would hope that if someone thought I was abusive they would report it as well because abuse is not a case of "Let's wait for more evidence." So many abusers are good at hiding the signs. Why chance it? So I called the mother who was far from receptive and refused to speak to me. I also called the local police and insisted on a well child check. In the end it came out that the person who had called me was heavily into drugs, was a natural liar, and was pretty much hoping I would "buy" his child. Do I feel sorrow for upsetting the mother? Absolutely. Would I do the same thing today? YES. We as human beings and especially those of us that are parents have not only a legal obligation but a moral one to report any suspected child abuse no matter what we might think about the situation. Because what if you failed to call and you were wrong and a child was hospitalized or, Heaven forbid, died because you failed to act.

Parenting

I am surrounded by parents, as we all are, and as my own children grow I pay more attention to the parents I see around me. What they do that works, what doesn't. I see the toddler throwing a tantrum and wonder about the parent behind that child. I see a sweet polite helpful child and wonder the same thing.

I am a firm believer in parents raising children as much as possible and have been blessed with the ability to be home with my kids. I know many such women and still I see so many differences in the way we do things. Since we are all different people that is not surprising but some things others do completely confound me. Like the women desperate for a child to fulfill her. She plans and plots, uses fertility help even though she doesn't need it, and gets pregnant. She talks of her joy in the child, all the things she wants to do with and for the child. Then the child is born and she puts it in a chair so she can go about her day without a worry for the child. Instead of nurturing, the child is more a fashion accessory. Then there are the women who talk of homemade baby food and cloth diapers and co sleeping and sling wearing. They talk about how good their plan is but once it comes time to implement it they realize how much work goes into these things and give up but bash those who didn't try that way first.

Don't get me wrong, I applaud all women who do all they can for their children. I know there are many ways to parent, to teach, to love. I just hate seeing people have children for any other reason than that they want to provide life and love to another being. I hate seeing women who are looking for a way to trap their guy, an added tax deduction, a fashion statement, or because they think they are supposed to. What happened to children being the product of love and of a want to share the love between mates with a being that was created by that love?