The Monster List for FMS and feeling rather out there.

As I try to figure out this thing called Fibro (And pull Gracie along because I am pretty sure it is what she has too since she has never been able to get diagnosed either.) I discovered a fellow sufferer who turned her high-octane exhausting career into a wonderful job where she gets to be home but still make money and she helps those of us who suffer with her. She became the Ask.com guru on FMS and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. She keeps up on research and posts valid tips and things stemming from that research to help us in our own journey's. She has what she calls "The Monster List of Fibromyalgia Symptoms". It has over 60 things related to our lovely life. Some even are their own disorders or diseases. At last count I have 43. I am afraid I am developing another. I feel very frustrated. I feel like such a frumpy failure some days. Not trying to complain and my hubby tells me I am being silly but some days I am lucky to keep track of the girls and cook dinner. I am usually in shorts and a tank. I don't wear makeup. Being raised by a single dad until I was 16 meant that learning girly things never really happened. My amazing guy tells me often how beautiful I am and how amazing and I am so lucky I have that in my life because if I had someone who had no patience for this and who expected some perfectly coiffed barbie all the time I would feel even worse. Ugggg..... That is one of the rough things about this illness. It is ever changing and because we have to limit ourselves and completely change how we do things it means that we learn very quickly if those around us truly love us for better of for worse. I am lucky. I know some who aren't.


On another pity Lila party moment: I had a moment today where I was reminded yet again how very different I am from some of the people who should be closest to me. I don't know how it happened or why but I seem to be even farther away from some of the people I love. I do love them, so much. My life is about love. I just seem to have nothing what so ever to relate to them with. About the only thing we seem to share anymore is a love for my girls but even then it is rough because what we value is so different that often blind trust has resulted in some situations that haven't been ideal. Humph..... This trying to vent but also be respectful is a precarious line. I want to have good relationships with everyone I love but I also don't know how to do that most days. I am happiest at home or with my husband exploring somewhere, metal detecting, shooting, doing what we do. My faith is so important to me yet places a wedge because either they aren't sure they believe at all in anything bigger than themselves or they aren't sure they like what I believe. How do you find a place to heal old wounds to the point of closeness when you are so very different?

Discussion with Anonymous.

I am a huge believer of free speech but not at the cost of someone else. Anonymous I have removed your comments from my recent post about a grieving Marine wife for a very big reason. That post links to her blog and if she has trackback on her blog will easily be found not only by her but by others grieving the loss of a very amazing man and a hero. I think your comments, especially when her grief is raw could cause her some pain and I don't want that. So I wanted to address you most recent comment here because I think it needs to be said and then I have no intent to respond again.

First comment:

Anonymous said...

Why do they do it? I don't know about you Lila but I read stuff like that and get so damned mad. All that hurt and pain...for what?

I sometimes think the best thing to do with those effing moslems is just drop a great big friggin bomb on them and walk away...

That poor woman doesn't deserve it.

This was my response:

Lila said...

No one deserves that kind of pain. To lose the love of your life in the first blush of marriage is a huge travesty. BUT my thinking is that no one small thought defines an entire group. I have met quite a few muslims who are as disgusted by the few using their religion to kill and maime. Catholics have done it. Even my church I love has had its few who used the faith as a war banner. The faith is not the one we fight against. It is those who make their mission in life the persecution and opression of others. We may not agree with the war or its reasons for starting but every soldier I know would say they have no regrets on serving and would do it again. Most are proud of their service because it is not about the mission it is about honoring a country that at the majority is hard working hard loving and free. Decemating a region goes against what they fight for.

This is the reply I found this morning when I got up.

Anonymous said...

I agree we have good moslems and bad moslems Lila...but we can't fight the bad ones and save the good ones. All we are doing is getting America's best men killed by the worst 3rd world human trash - and nobody pays the price more so than mom and the kids at home.

This warm fuzzy approach to war failed in Viet Nam, it darn near cost the war in Iraq - and it is failing miserably in Afghanistan.Can you imagine how WW2 would have turned out if we only targetted the 'bad' nazis? And argued endlessly among ourselves about exactly who those bad nazis were? If we gave them full benefit of the doubt, the luxury of human shields, and the benefit of endless 'due diligence' as we tried to gather enough evidence to justify a kill? They would have eaten us alive!

Hell, we aren't even trying to distinguish good moslems from bad ones anymore. They are radicalizing their youth against us right here in north America right now.Rabid imams and mullahs are actively preaching race hate. They've done the same in Europe and now they are doing it here. Yes, I know full well there are good moslems - but wherever their faith goes, bloodshed follows. And these supposedly 'good moslems' do nothing about it!They go quiet as church mice! If Americans pulled crap like this we would literally have a civil war over it.

That is what enrages me most about this. We can't deal with these people with kid gloves. Until we understand that, the man's death, the woman's grief, the children's loss - all of that hurt and pain and blood is for nothing.

Sorry for the rant Lila...but that woman's plight got me right in the heart. She doesn't even have the comfort of knowing that her husband's death was for a good cause. We deserve better than that.

Okay, Once again I appreciate free speech and different opinions. It is a right I employ regularly with this blog, with life, and with writing. That being said I do think there is a time and a place for rants. I think your rant is cowardly. I am pretty sure I speak for all 3 of us. You come to our blog and read and we love readers but you post on a blog connected to a grieving widow belittling the mission her husband died serving and you don't even have the guts to use your name or even take the time to consider what she would feel reading your comments.

Now to your rant itself. It is not our job to choose who lives or dies. What chooses that and I am willing to bet the men who served and are serving agree is weather or not they are the one pointing the gun, carrying the bomb, or shouting their rhetoric. There are proven reports of good Nazi's. Men who put on the uniform to save their own lives and that of their families and then used that uniform to run info to our allies, help Jewish families escape, or even hid Jewish families themselves. No people is defined by a label in my opinion and it is thinking and judging a complete group based on the misdeeds of some that is bringing the world down. Maggy had a very close friend who honestly was like family during her marriage to a soldier. This soldier fought hard for the US. He wore his fatigues with courage and pride and he never wavered from his commitment to this country and to the mission even during his deployment. He was Muslim. To belittle an entire group of people belittles his sacrifice for your right to bash him and it disgusts me. Before you spew hate take a moment to think. Think about who it could impact and who could be reading it. Remember when you do that the woman you feel bad for stands up with courage and pride in her husband. My nephew is serving overseas right now and while he is not in a combat zone I still worry and have pride in him and his service. I am proud of every member serving. They are not doing it to fight against any one but to fight for those who need them and for the country they love. Once again the mission isn't the issue. They see the big picture. White, black, Catholic, Muslim, Straight, or Gay. It doesn't matter to them. They serve to protect the ones they love and the country they love and the values they love.

So before you come onto our blog and anonymously rant about anyone or anything remember: While I am a firm believer of free speech on this blog my free speech trumps yours. If you can not show respect to our troops and their sacrifices then don't speak.

My thoughts on the Ft. Hood Massacre and aftermath

I watched much of the Ft. Hood Massacre aftermath on TV along with the rest of the nation. Speculation varied from all over the place, from multiple spots to multiple shooters. I was horrified to be honest. I've mentioned before that my ex-hole is in the military. And through the years of our marriage, I met and befriend many soldiers, their wives, girlfriends, kids and families. My heart went out to the soldiers and families. I can't imagine having something like that happen on our post.

Yesterday, I found myself at our post's Readiness Center (long story I won't bore you) and could help but look around and think that it could have happened to anyone in that room. The thought floored me. I've taken several days to try and organize my thoughts on it, and I still don't have a good grasp on my feelings and I still haven't. I'm anger, terrified, and saddened all at once.

But today, something happened that shaped at least one thought. On Facebook, you can make/take quiz's that usually involve some sort of current events. Today, I saw one that asked the question "Should Muslims be allowed to serve in the US Armed Forces?" At almost 80%, the answer was 'no'.

I was floored. The only number I could find on Muslims in the US service branches was that the Pentagon states the numbers are around 3,500 Muslims out of 1.4 million U.S. service members.

Of my personal experience, I met people of all religions and backgrounds. Conservative Christians from the Midwest, Catholics from Boston, atheists from Alabama. And one Muslim. His name was Kareem, and he was born and raised in NJ.

I didn't know Kareem well. He was more of a friend of a friend. But once my boys left for Iraq, his name popped up more and more in the stories I heard. My friend Scottie and he grew very close, and slowly I learned more about him. He joined the military because he wanted people not only to change the world, but to show his patriotism. When he was finished with his service, he wanted to go to medical school. And in the pictures I saw of him he was often goofing off and making funny faces.

On August 6th, 2007, Kareem and 3 others (Nick Gummersall, Jake "Tommy" Thompson and Juan Alcantara) were killed when an IED went off in a home they were entering to search for insurgents. These men were my friends, my "family by choice" as Tommy used to say. And their deaths were devastating to me. Never once did it cross these boys minds that Kareem was Muslim. He was an American, a soldier, and their brother.

But Kareem became known to the world when Colin Powell mentioned a photograph taken of his mother at his grave site, used by the New York Post in a photo essay about the War on Terror. I agree the image is powerful, but for me it's for another reason.

I was at the service where a 21-gun salute was made in his honor. Saw his mother break down in front of the helmet and dog-tag memorial meant to represent his honorable service. Saw the tears fall down his fathers face as the notes of "Amazing Grace" wafted through the Chapel Air.

For me, those who question the rights of Muslim-Americans to protect their country. I feel they directly question every action Kareem made for his country, including his death and the honor he gave our country by serving it.