My bright spot today!

Once again the blahs set in. I honestly think it is because of how awful I feel. My energy is low and my aches are ever present. Very likely because I seem to be in a constant state of stress. Locally we have had an outbreak of home invasions which comes as no surprise with some of the worst unemployment numbers in the country. My home is not really my haven either.

I need a safe place. One place where I have things my way and I feel safe and protected. Not just from danger but also emotionally. After J.W. and I got married he unconsciously did something for me that I never knew I needed. He made me safe. I never really felt emotionally and physically safe before him. Even now he is the only person I feel safe enough to tell them to stop when they behave in a way that makes me feel hurt or upset. Right now my space is not my own because people who do not know my history and my need to feel safe are living here. I love them. I am happy to help them. It just makes things hard and so my stress is up. Which is making my pain stay up.


A bright spot is my little Monkey. Her creativity and innocence is beautiful even when she wears me out. She has an IKEA tent that my mom bought her. She wanted it to be dark inside so I put a blanket on top. She came racing out of it to hop in my lap as I caught up on blog reading to tell me that robots are scary and we need to shoot thems all lots. She makes me giggle. She has on socks and a tank-top bodysuit that is way to small that we saved from her baby clothes for her babies so she can be the princess baby today. She just climbed into my lap and said "Websites Mommy?" I said "I am telling people how awesome you are." Her response...."I is freakin dorable" Hehehe.

Blah.....

Today is a day for the blah's. It is already 91 outside and will hit 105 by noon. Hubby and BIL are both welding right now with Hubby in the tunnel so they are averaging 112+. Very bad. My poor guy comes home and pretty much eats, showers and goes to bed until the next day. I seem to have a stomach bug that has resulted in some major pain. YUCK.

Today starts an important process in the custody fight concerning my niece and nephew. It makes me reflect again on how hard divorce is. I really wish that all couples who end up divorcing could step back from their own hurt and anger and put it aside for the sake of their kids. Seeing how the bitterness and fighting has hurt these kids makes my chest ache. I want to take them away and make it better but I know that they are with the parent who can best take care of them. They both had to grow up far to quickly and it is such a shame. I can only hope that the court system works for them.

Dinner tonight is all about cleaning out the fridge. It is full of some scrumptious left overs and we are running out of space for other things.

Monkey slept horribly last night and ended up in our bed. I think her tummy hurts as much as mine. Bug had her first friend sleep over last night and i think it went well. They had treats and played on the trampoline before sleeping out there under the stars. I am so glad she is coming out of her shell and really being more social.

As you can see the blah's mean life here is pretty un-exciting today. I finished editing the second chapter of my book and am slowly chugging through. Hopefully I have it ready by my birthday, which was my original goal. The other book needs a little less in the edit department I think so shouldn't take as long. I am excited to put them out and see how it goes. Then I want to dig in to the first in the youth fantasy adventure book. i am also thinking the paranormal cop series I started might be more fun and have more depth if it was post-apocalyptic. Still law and order but with a different world circumstance. That idea bears more thought.