My Monkey is 3!!

Today my baby is 3. She was a miracle I had given up hope of ever having. After losses and years of trying it looked bleak. Then my grandmother died and that night she let me know in a dream that my little angel was on her way. True to my granmother's spirit she stood on a cloud, kissed a little girl, and shoved her off the cloud. My gram was tough and strong and very no-nonsense. The next day on a whim I bought a test. I shouldn't have been able to tell. I wasn't late at all. But there was that positive test. So with prayers and a doc who stepped in right away to help I carried to term. I love her so much. Her gentle hug. Her big heart. Her love. Her stubborn streak. Her curiosity. Her crazy antics. So happy birthday baby girl.

My bright spot today!

Once again the blahs set in. I honestly think it is because of how awful I feel. My energy is low and my aches are ever present. Very likely because I seem to be in a constant state of stress. Locally we have had an outbreak of home invasions which comes as no surprise with some of the worst unemployment numbers in the country. My home is not really my haven either.

I need a safe place. One place where I have things my way and I feel safe and protected. Not just from danger but also emotionally. After J.W. and I got married he unconsciously did something for me that I never knew I needed. He made me safe. I never really felt emotionally and physically safe before him. Even now he is the only person I feel safe enough to tell them to stop when they behave in a way that makes me feel hurt or upset. Right now my space is not my own because people who do not know my history and my need to feel safe are living here. I love them. I am happy to help them. It just makes things hard and so my stress is up. Which is making my pain stay up.


A bright spot is my little Monkey. Her creativity and innocence is beautiful even when she wears me out. She has an IKEA tent that my mom bought her. She wanted it to be dark inside so I put a blanket on top. She came racing out of it to hop in my lap as I caught up on blog reading to tell me that robots are scary and we need to shoot thems all lots. She makes me giggle. She has on socks and a tank-top bodysuit that is way to small that we saved from her baby clothes for her babies so she can be the princess baby today. She just climbed into my lap and said "Websites Mommy?" I said "I am telling people how awesome you are." Her response...."I is freakin dorable" Hehehe.

Monkey in the dark.

My little Monkey has developed a new quirk. She hates her bed. I never did the Cry It Out thing. I nursed her as long as she wanted. I am one who believes that little ones grow as they are supposed to, especially when they have the benefit of having Mommy home to love and take care of and nurture them. I let Bug decide when she was ready to go to bed on her own and have the same plan with Monkey. She still likes to be cuddled to sleep. Last night she got ready for bed by putting on her nightgown and her pull-up and then we dug out her "Nawa" (She still refuses to say water right even though she knows how, hehe) She was set. As soon as we climbed into her bed the tears started. Even when I could calm her down she would relax for a minute or two and then sob again. She kept saying. "No like my bed Mama, Me no like it." I got her calmed enough that at one point she said she was afraid and together with Nephew and her sister we turned on her lights and looked her whole room over but still she wouldn't be comforted. I am hoping it passes as some of her other anti-sleep fazes have but I hate thinking I am torturing her. I finally put her in my bed after over an hour of sobbing and she went right to sleep. A few hours later when I went to bed I moved her to her room. She managed to make it a little over an hour before she woke up and was hysterical. I don't know how to make her more happy about her room. I am planning to move things around and get her toys more easily accessible in her room. She has been getting up super early and I am hoping having more toys available might give me some relief from the 5 AM wakeup calls. Plus she is getting bigger and I want to take the rocking chair out of her room. Maybe I will do that this weekend and let her pick some new bedding. See if that helps her feel better if it feels like a new room. Any other thoughts or ideas?

Scaries!

We are big on teaching gun safety to the girls. If weapons are in the house they need to know the rules. They have seen all three of us adults carry when we are desert combing and Bug has her rifle. We answer questions when asked. So..........


Today while walking through the house to the bathroom for the 5869203486945 time (potty training is awesome) Monkey smacked the front door. *Our front door has a large window with this bubble stuff so it is not see through but does show shadows and the outlines of things on the other side.* She then dashed in to do her business with me right behind her. While on the toilet she looks at me with huge brown eyes and says, "Mommy you shoot dem scaries!"


For a while now the trees in the yard moving around have given my sweet very sensitive 2-year-old the creeps and apparently she has reached the point where knowing that Mommy is the protector from bad things I am now to shoot the scary trees so they no longer are scary. Sweet angel. I wanted to just scoop her up! I told her that as long as the scaries stay out of the house they can't hurt her but if anything scary comes in to hurt her she has my promise to protect her every way I can.