Once again the blahs set in. I honestly think it is because of how awful I feel. My energy is low and my aches are ever present. Very likely because I seem to be in a constant state of stress. Locally we have had an outbreak of home invasions which comes as no surprise with some of the worst unemployment numbers in the country. My home is not really my haven either.
I need a safe place. One place where I have things my way and I feel safe and protected. Not just from danger but also emotionally. After J.W. and I got married he unconsciously did something for me that I never knew I needed. He made me safe. I never really felt emotionally and physically safe before him. Even now he is the only person I feel safe enough to tell them to stop when they behave in a way that makes me feel hurt or upset. Right now my space is not my own because people who do not know my history and my need to feel safe are living here. I love them. I am happy to help them. It just makes things hard and so my stress is up. Which is making my pain stay up.
A bright spot is my little Monkey. Her creativity and innocence is beautiful even when she wears me out. She has an IKEA tent that my mom bought her. She wanted it to be dark inside so I put a blanket on top. She came racing out of it to hop in my lap as I caught up on blog reading to tell me that robots are scary and we need to shoot thems all lots. She makes me giggle. She has on socks and a tank-top bodysuit that is way to small that we saved from her baby clothes for her babies so she can be the princess baby today. She just climbed into my lap and said "Websites Mommy?" I said "I am telling people how awesome you are." Her response...."I is freakin dorable" Hehehe.