The loss of a brother.

I think all dangerous work forms a bond among the people doing it and the families that love them. You bond over the worry. You work hard and play hard and very often with each other around to enjoy the ride. You get to know who is hurting and who is happy. You celebrate the birth of a child and mourn when someone has a family member pass away. You raise your children together. Some friendships are closer than others. Yet everyone still has this bond deeper than friendship. Even when you seem on opposite sides of the world in views when it comes down to it every one around steps up to help you through the rough spots.

This past week has been one of the roughest of our lives. A horrible tunnel accident took the life of one of the men. To say that these men and all of us who stand behind them were sent into a tailspin would be an understatement. BUT I also saw miracles. Little differences were put aside to help a family stricken. Men stepped up to work 12 hour shifts so that those on the swing shift could mourn. Women came together to help me supply meals to the family. I saw men from out of state mourn with us and honor our fallen brother. I saw an amazing depth of love and support for each other and for the family who needed us all the most.

The thing few realize about tunneling is that it is often a career for these men. They love the work. They also know that it is one of the most risky in the world. This particular job has been considered one of the most complex in the country. Yet they do it with a smile and a bawdy joke. These tunnels are always to improve the lives of the community around them. Some, like ours, are to bring water, some to help traffic, some for flooding. They quietly and without ever expecting a thank you serve a community that has a need and they do it by risking their lives. They often come home bruised and tired but push through and do it another day. So please if you have a tunnel project in your neck of the woods give a prayer of thanks and one for the safety of the men and women doing the job. Some lose their lives for this.

Libertarian Reflection.

I'm sitting at my table this morning feeling pretty reflective. We are now 2 days from the "default day" and while research and reading all of my favorite blogs has shown this day to be a mixture of fact and fiction it is the day those in government have been spouting as important to our economic future. My question is this: If is it so important, so critical to the future of this country that we make drastic financial changes by August 2 why then on July 31 are you all in D.C. still arguing like children over your toys? This group fights that proposal, that group fights this proposal. Frankly the lack of any sort of agreement on putting this country above your own ideas makes me feel sick inside. We allowed this. We have built up a government of hundreds of congress and senate members and now they all bicker like toddlers fighting over a treat. I love this country, I love the ideals and tenets it was built upon. It makes me so sad and disappointed to see that personal gain has been put before the wants of the people and that our needs as a country are less important than proving a point. We need to reduce the size of government and it's ability to make stupid laws. Brawny had the right idea in her most recent post. I know they came up with the number of congress and senate members they did for a reason they feel valid but I think it is a number much to high. Stop paying all that money out to people who don't care about our needs anyway. Stop with the elections all the dang time and start making them pay attention to what we want and need. That is their job. They are supposed to be working for the people, representing our desires and wants. They aren't doing that.

Dark days of the mind.

I have been struggling since my last post with a dark weight. It feels as if a dark cloud hovers over me, pouring rain, yet no one else can see or feel it. I hate when I get in this place because nothing can really come along to pull me from it. Time is the only answer. I know it comes on when I feel especially bothered by things that I really can't change. I am a fixer by nature, a nurturer. In so many ways I was born a mother. I try to always approach an interaction with care. One of the hardest things for me is to know I was the cause of pain or hurt or upset. I avoid confrontation more than I should. It is very rare for me to speak my mind if the speaking could be taken as reproachful of others. I also hate to get after others and it is rare that I do unless it is in defense of someone I love that I see being treated wrongly. That is why it just kills me when people see me as something other than I am, or think I am. I know perception is different for everyone and what I may see as being thoughtful others may see completely different. I especially have a hard time when the person who seems to see me so negatively is someone I genuinely care about or thought I had a good relationship with. Hubby says I need to stop letting the opinion of others affect me so much and I know he is right. I have the love, support, and respect of so many amazing people that it kills me that the dim views of a handful are what I seem to focus on. I am extremely sensitive to negative feelings and as the ultimate people pleaser I want to fix the broken. I obsess over it to the point that my husband wants to lock me in a closet out of frustration. I have let go of a few of those toxic relationships that have been in my life and feel better for it. I honestly should do the same with the others and just breath. I know I can not force anyone to see me the way I hope they would. I can't make anyone feel what they don't want to feel. All I can do is change how I take it. I need to focus on that. I need to let time get me through my dark cloud so I can play in the sun again. I need to remember the amazing blessings in my life and let the dark days float past. In the scheme of my life they are but petals on the wind and fleeting in their impact.