Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The hard truth....

Tonight I was watching a movie I had never seen. Based on a well known teen book series it falls into the category of husband will never watch with me. One of the characters was dying. As she lay under the stars discussing this with a friend she said something that struck home for me. She said that it wasn't death that scared her but more that she would not be able to become who she was supposed to be or that she would miss so much. I have always been afraid of death and I think this explains it better. It is not that I lack faith in what lays beyond this life but that once this life is over I will not have become what I was meant to be or that I will miss things in the lives of people I love. I think that is why I worry so much about death and keeping it at bay. I strive to be the best mother and wife that I can be. I put my heart and soul into all I do for my girls and all the life that I live. I make sure that every moment of every day my husband knows that I love him, that I have always loved him, and that my love for him grows richer and fuller with each breath we take together. I am devoted to my family, to Gracie and Maggy, to being all I can for them. My greatest fear is not the dying but that I will not have fulfilled something for those that I love that I should have. I know that all of my life is in the hands of a higher power, I trust that all will be as it should, I just hope that as it should be is after a long life of seeing my girls grown and happy and of having my marriage continuing to thrive and grow as each year passes.


  1. Darling, don' stress anything you are doing great.

  2. Lila,

    There is another way to look at things.

    Suppose that a guiding hand calls you home when your real purpose is done. Suppose the things you intend to accomplish are your best guess at what is worthwhile, but the guiding hand knows what is intended. If that were the case, you could not leave anything truly undone.

    That leaves you striving to do your best at all times, to best meet the real needs and purposes of life. But to be satisfied that what you have accomplished is just what was needed. Sort of like the pessimistic "sin boldly in the knowledge your sin is forgiven", applied to your whole life.

    Assume that you cannot miss becoming what you were truly meant to be; only plans that you or I or someone else might have made could truly fail.

    Blessed be.

  3. Lila,

    We all go through different stages in our lives.

    When you were young your goal was to do as well as you could in school, enjoy all your friends and family, build relationships and develope your personality.

    At this time in your life you are being a mother and wife. From reading your posts, it seems to me that you are doing the best you can at becoming what you were meant to be. Your family bought a house and you are making it a home. You do the best you can at raising your kids and being a loving wife. You are doing the best you can at being a good friend. So doesn't this sound like you are doing what you meant to be?

    When you get older this will all change. No one knows what those years will bring, but you seem pretty level headed to me. By then hopefully your will have raised a strong family and a lasting relationship with friends. So whatever you decide as the thing to be then, you'll tackle it with all your worth.

    We all need a plan in life, but someone famous once said Life is what happens while we're making plans. Try not to worry about things like this because you seem to be doing things right so far.


  4. Thanks guys. Last night I mentioned this though to my husband and he said that NO ONE is taken before they have fulfilled their purpose and that once we are on the other side we can see everything. We can see our children become grandparents and their children do the same. That and all you guys have said is a huge blessing to me. Thanks!!!


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