It is your response that matters.

I find people fall into a couple groups when it comes to attitude about life. Mine recently can get pretty frustrated as the teens help less and less the closer they get to moving and thier papa is a bundle of negativity. I don't like some of the behavior in my home. JW and I are a very mellow couple. We don't fight often and when we do it tends to be quick and then done. We have maybe 1 big huge gonna strangle you fight a year that will last about an hour. We stomp off to our corners, me in tears, and then realize we are both idiots and apologize. Even with the angst of JW fighting some demons during her young years Bug soaked the mellow like a sponge. She is a very chill kid. Happy to be with family, content to relax, sensitive like her mama. Not a yell do we get unless she is in a fit of prepubescent angst. Now Monkey on the other hand has had a different couple years. Teens occupy her space. They are opposite sex and forced to share a room by circumstance. So the fighting can be epic. The cussing can rival any construction site I have been on. So my little angel yells and hits and gets mean when she is mad at you over something. Drives me batty. So frustrated is a state I live in on some days.

Anyway I have noticed quite a few people who complain over the weirdest things. Little dumb things. Don't get me wrong I will complain my guts out to JW and my close friends. Everyone needs to vent stuff. I also came to a point where the whole "I'm fine" response just felt dumb. If asked how I am and I feel like crap I am going to say so.  I regularly hid my health and feelings from others and ended up being a doormat. So not going there. Don't ask if you don't want the honest answer.

Back to complaints. Something life has taught me is that the little stuff is worthless to be annoyed about. He didn't make the bed? Not the end of the world. She left trash on the counter? Meh. Just give a reminder and let it go. No need to feel full of anger. Dude cut you off on the drive to work? Already happened and we can't change it so unless you got into an accident all it did was cause some break pushing. Not more than a few seconds of time lost. Let it go. We waste so much time wrapped up in little junk that we miss the beauty of the world. Yeah my little girl has some negative stuff we need to work on. Family bought a house (huzzah!) so we will have time to do that. I treasure her curiosity and her kisses. Her imagination is endless (wonder where she got that?) and she loves ponies like they are the dawn of a new day. She is brilliant and amazing. So I dwell on that. Bug is a tween. Boys and clothes and music are entering her radar. We have some hormonal angst but the girl is sweet-natured and loving. She puts up with the little one's hero worship better than I could have dreamed and helps me even when she is annoyed. That is what I concentrate on. This illness is scary and endless and limiting. I can complain about that but I also focus on my blessings. Why let the dumb little stuff stress me out when I have bigger fish to fry?

Scary dreams.

Something I have learned from my marriage is that the good relationships mean the love is big, the worry is big, the joy is big. All of it is deeper and stronger because you have fought for it and continue to do so. You are such a team that you can share a deeper bond than most expect. Hubby and I are like that. We are blessed. We fought to get here. In march we will hit 11 years when the majority of people who knew us didn't think we would last a year. We married yound but we grew together.

The hard part of our bond is the worry. I worry so much for him sometimes. He just started a very dangerous stage of his current project. This job already is high on the danger level due to the scope of the job, and the fact that the ground he is tunneling through has already offered up enough unstable surprises to put them so far behind schedule. Now we are in a very tense stage. I know he is amazingly capable. I honestly think he can almost speak to these machines. He can run within his safety zones and still beat the other shifts in distance tunneled when they push the machine into the danger zone. He knows what to feel for and see. It is amazing. BUT not everyone around him is as capable and so I worry. With the worry comes the dreams. I am prone to dream often. My FMS means I usually hit the dream stage and get stuck. I have a hard time getting deeper sleep. So I am prone to nightmares when stressed. Now my nightmares are focused on him and it sucks. It has put a damper on the last couple days and has made it hard for me to get back to the book. So I figured if I wrote out the worry that might help.

He is my best friend and my partner in every sense of the word. There is no one I trust more. I am not sure how I would raise these girls if something happened to him. There is no rescue if the tunnel goes. Even recovery would be doubtful. That terrifies me. So I will dream my dreams and continue to put my faith in him and his skill. Of course my extra prayers can't hurt right?