Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Scary dreams.

Something I have learned from my marriage is that the good relationships mean the love is big, the worry is big, the joy is big. All of it is deeper and stronger because you have fought for it and continue to do so. You are such a team that you can share a deeper bond than most expect. Hubby and I are like that. We are blessed. We fought to get here. In march we will hit 11 years when the majority of people who knew us didn't think we would last a year. We married yound but we grew together.

The hard part of our bond is the worry. I worry so much for him sometimes. He just started a very dangerous stage of his current project. This job already is high on the danger level due to the scope of the job, and the fact that the ground he is tunneling through has already offered up enough unstable surprises to put them so far behind schedule. Now we are in a very tense stage. I know he is amazingly capable. I honestly think he can almost speak to these machines. He can run within his safety zones and still beat the other shifts in distance tunneled when they push the machine into the danger zone. He knows what to feel for and see. It is amazing. BUT not everyone around him is as capable and so I worry. With the worry comes the dreams. I am prone to dream often. My FMS means I usually hit the dream stage and get stuck. I have a hard time getting deeper sleep. So I am prone to nightmares when stressed. Now my nightmares are focused on him and it sucks. It has put a damper on the last couple days and has made it hard for me to get back to the book. So I figured if I wrote out the worry that might help.

He is my best friend and my partner in every sense of the word. There is no one I trust more. I am not sure how I would raise these girls if something happened to him. There is no rescue if the tunnel goes. Even recovery would be doubtful. That terrifies me. So I will dream my dreams and continue to put my faith in him and his skill. Of course my extra prayers can't hurt right?


  1. Extra prayers can never hurt. What you have said is quite profound. The more you love, the more you worry. My wife worries deeply sometimes and has told me her greatest fears and nightmares are about losing me somehow. It's humbling and wondrous at the same time. Here's to hoping he comes out not only safe, but successful.

  2. May the Good Lord bless you both.

  3. Thanks guys! 45er I know exactly what you mean. It is pretty wondrous to have that type of relationship! I thank my stars for my blessings every day.


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