It is your response that matters.

I find people fall into a couple groups when it comes to attitude about life. Mine recently can get pretty frustrated as the teens help less and less the closer they get to moving and thier papa is a bundle of negativity. I don't like some of the behavior in my home. JW and I are a very mellow couple. We don't fight often and when we do it tends to be quick and then done. We have maybe 1 big huge gonna strangle you fight a year that will last about an hour. We stomp off to our corners, me in tears, and then realize we are both idiots and apologize. Even with the angst of JW fighting some demons during her young years Bug soaked the mellow like a sponge. She is a very chill kid. Happy to be with family, content to relax, sensitive like her mama. Not a yell do we get unless she is in a fit of prepubescent angst. Now Monkey on the other hand has had a different couple years. Teens occupy her space. They are opposite sex and forced to share a room by circumstance. So the fighting can be epic. The cussing can rival any construction site I have been on. So my little angel yells and hits and gets mean when she is mad at you over something. Drives me batty. So frustrated is a state I live in on some days.

Anyway I have noticed quite a few people who complain over the weirdest things. Little dumb things. Don't get me wrong I will complain my guts out to JW and my close friends. Everyone needs to vent stuff. I also came to a point where the whole "I'm fine" response just felt dumb. If asked how I am and I feel like crap I am going to say so.  I regularly hid my health and feelings from others and ended up being a doormat. So not going there. Don't ask if you don't want the honest answer.

Back to complaints. Something life has taught me is that the little stuff is worthless to be annoyed about. He didn't make the bed? Not the end of the world. She left trash on the counter? Meh. Just give a reminder and let it go. No need to feel full of anger. Dude cut you off on the drive to work? Already happened and we can't change it so unless you got into an accident all it did was cause some break pushing. Not more than a few seconds of time lost. Let it go. We waste so much time wrapped up in little junk that we miss the beauty of the world. Yeah my little girl has some negative stuff we need to work on. Family bought a house (huzzah!) so we will have time to do that. I treasure her curiosity and her kisses. Her imagination is endless (wonder where she got that?) and she loves ponies like they are the dawn of a new day. She is brilliant and amazing. So I dwell on that. Bug is a tween. Boys and clothes and music are entering her radar. We have some hormonal angst but the girl is sweet-natured and loving. She puts up with the little one's hero worship better than I could have dreamed and helps me even when she is annoyed. That is what I concentrate on. This illness is scary and endless and limiting. I can complain about that but I also focus on my blessings. Why let the dumb little stuff stress me out when I have bigger fish to fry?

Bees, game and dog drama

This time of year we are usually in the negative temps. Since Christmas we have had temps in the 50's. I have a litter of bottle fed pups here that have been able to be outside during the day (hallelujah!) and my bees have been out and about. I have been feeding them because there is nothing for them to eat and I worry that they haven't stored enough honey to last the whole winter. The few times I have cracked the lid and taken a peak, it appears they have filled both supers with honeycomb. Hopefully they had time to fill it with honey as well. THIS fall I am looking forward to a nice honey harvest. I am also going to need to step it up and build another hive because I plan on splitting my hive this spring. I can either order a queen for around $20 or I can put in a frame of day old eggs and hope the workers can raise their own queen. I think I would like to try letting them raise their own and if that doesn't work, I can still order a new queen. I am having some hangups with the bees because they have become so aggressive. I am more than just a little scared when I crack that hive open. I make sure the kids are in the house and there is no one in the area who is not protected. My heart thumps and my hands shake (not good when handling thousands of bees). As much as I enjoy my new hobby, is it worth being that scared of them as well? Something to think about I guess.

We have been eating deer and elk meat almost every day. We got a crazy amount of meat from that elk. I was really surprised as how many roasts and how many pounds of burger we were able to process. That is one chore I am glad to be done with though. My house smelled like blood for weeks. I couldn't seem to get it out of my hands and clothes and sink. I guess it is because as soon as we got one animal butchered, we would harvest another one. Hubby grew up hunting but has not been able to go since we had kids. It had been over ten years since he had been able to hunt big game. He is hooked again and is really hoping he will be able to draw out again. I am enjoying being able to walk past the meat counter at the grocery store!

I am up to my eyeballs in dogs. I have the four that are our family pets, four orphaned pups that need homes and one eight month old lab that is going to her new home soon (thank goodness). The lab, Magpie, is not allowing my hound to eat so he looks really bad. I had to bring him inside and feed him special food which also means I have to feed him pumpkin and special medication because he gets the runs every time he has to live as a house dog. He is also the same dog who is allergic to all grains and can't have dog food that contains ANY grain at all. I am so tired of cleaning up poo, it isn't even funny. The puppies make a horrible mess in their crate every night and because they are in the crate, the hound has to be locked in a bathroom. This morning I had to clean diarrhea off the floors, walls and door. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!! Once the lab and the pups are all in their new homes, I think I am done with the fostering. I will still work with the rescue, but I just can't handle the stress of other dogs right now.

That is what is going on in the life of Gracie. The short version anyway. There is actually tons more, but this is a blog not a novel, lol.

Under attack? Maybe a little but that's okay!

I have realized recently that when I feel upset by things in life my mind instantly goes to the beauty of my marriage. It is as if my coping mechanism when I feel threatened in any way is for my brain to say "Lila yes this person is a total jerk but remember the most important truth in your life. The one person you need to love and accept you unconditionally already does that. Who cares what the jerk thinks." I find that to be pretty amazing. The life that we have is far from what many would define as perfect but for me it is exactly that. We aren't rich, we aren't going to be. (Though I am going to make a best sellers list darn it!) We don't have all the newest or best toys. I don't care. Bash my politics. Bash my religion. Bash even the very concept of faith. Bash my parenting. Bash my looks. Bash away jerks. My husband finds me sexy. My girls are happy, smart, and well rounded. My passion is fed through writing. I am in need of nothing else. I have a strength no one can take from me because I am loved beyond measure.

Do you have something that makes all the crap fade away? What is it?

My greatest wish for all of my blog friends is that they have that one thing. It can be any thing. I am lucky that mine comes in the arms of a good strong man but a mate isn't a requirement. I wish you all joy. So much joy. Passion and health and happiness. So often as we walk this path of preparation and safety through our beautiful weapons we are immersed in sludge and negativity. I am working to make a huge effort to avoid that sludge. It was depressing me. Extended family stress was pulling me down. Jerks were demeaning me. Not going to let it build like it had been. Time to find the good. Find your good and tell me about it!

Wow what a last couple weeks!

Boy has my life seen some ups and downs over the last couple weeks. The hubs and I live life of the philosophy "live and let live". As long as you aren't putting my family in danger I have no trouble with you. We were lucky enough to find a neighborhood that fit that when we moved to the desert for this tunnel. No one really knows anyone else well though we do know those who attend our church. It isn't a block party type place. It is a place where our kids all play outside together. We stay out of each others business. Honestly the only time I have interacted with some beyond a hello has been over the kids. It is a pretty quiet place which we love. We keep our eyes out for danger for each other but we don't meddle. It is our kind of place. With the market crash here a lot of the homes have turned over to new owners since we have been here but the vibe has stayed the same. Well we got a new next door neighbor in a house that was empty for over a year. This neighbor was not of that philosophy and not of the type to knock on the door and talk if there was a concern like the rest of us are. We had (still ticked, grrrr) a black lab that the rescue Gracie works with found as a newborn pup. He was a bit dopey and very big. Too big for me but Hubby wanted a breed big enough to help with protection as his job requires long hours with me home alone with the girls. The part we failed to take into consideration was my FMS. It means I don't have the muscle strength to wrestle his weight and strength without paying a price so during the day while our daughter was at school Jasper was on a line in the back yard. He was on a line to keep him from eating everything as his 17 month old puppy brain still loved to devour trampolines and wood furniture. If he saw me pass a window he barked until he realized I was not bringing him in. He also barked if it was stormy. He also barked if he stayed on the line to late into the evening and it started to get dark. He was kind of a sensitive gent. Love him but he has quirks. Anywhoodle Mrs. New Neighbor decided he was a nuisance though no other neighbor had ever complained and we had had him for 14 months. So we got a visit from Animal Control. First visit was about him being on the line. We let the officer see the line and were reassured as were they that he was well taken care of. He was not left on the line all day. He had access to shade, food, and water. Then 2 weeks ago on Monday husband is on swings and i am putting my little one to bed. Bug had not brought him in and so he of course panicked as dark approached. Nice lady came over and yelled at my nephew to bring him in. Didn't ask for an adult. Yelled at the 12 year old. The next day Animal Control is back with a report he barks for 14 hours a day every day. I am told if they come again I will be ticketed in increasing fine increments until he is silenced. The situation can't be changed. Jasper is sensitive, I am not going to be cured tomorrow, a shock collar just tortures him. So we had to surrender him. The kids were destroyed. Monkey is 2 so she has no idea what is going on just that her dog is gone and she bawls constantly for days. It was horrible. I had a flare of monumental proportions. Sheer agony. Poor diabetic nephew had keytones for 4 days due to stress. I may be a horrid mother but I let the kids pick out a smaller rescue dog to try to help them feel better so we have a new addition.


Then came that Thursday. For a year Hubby had been in prep for a hunt to Canada with his dad and BIL for Bear and Wolf. He drives up and discovers his mom is in the hospital with a clot in her lung. She has had numerous health issues stemming from her own struggle with FMS. Pretty serious so he is stressed but she sends him on. His plane is broken making him miss the next 2 flights. He lands in Canda where somehow they have his unsealed juvenile record and they deny him entry despite the fact he was able to hunt there last year and obviously committed no crimes and has not committed crimes in a very long time since his time as a foster kid. Soooooooo he has to fly right back home. 8 flights in 2 days and 8 hours of drive time and he meets me with family. Poor guy is beat physically and emotionally. He has paid his dues has worked his tail off and got bit for it. Sucky ducks!!!


So he decided to take the week off and hang out with me anyway. He was scheduled for the time and we had the money to cover it so figured why not. It was nice. We went shooting, we took the quads out with the kids, we watched our favorite shows. I loved having time with him that is so rare though I hated the price that came with it.


That has been my last 2 weeks! Pretty interesting huh? What it hammered home to me was that you aren't always lucky in who you have for a neighbor. AND government really needs to take more in to account than just what it wants to use to manipulate things. People are made up of many things and no single moment defines anyone. Some moments are bigger than others and absolutely can and do ruin lives but an entire life should be used when you judge someone.