Random Acts Of Kindness!

Friday was a busy day for us. We were due in Utah for a family reunion of sorts. For the first time in years the majority of my husbands siblings were all getting together with their families in one place so it was all about packing and driving and going, going, going....... It also was a day about random acts of kindness. A dear friend was celebrating the first birthday of her child. Her sweet girl was born still and to honor her she and everyone that loved her were going to do some random acts that day. Having had my own losses this hit me hugely. My losses had been early and while I grieve them still in moments of reflection I have never really done something purely to honor those lost lives so I took up the call not only to honor my friend and her precious one but to honor mine and all the lost ones. It kind of became almost obsessive. I think my poor brother-in-law had no idea what to do with me. All day as we went about prepping and packing I would ask to stop here or go there as an idea popped into my head for my RAOK. He just kept going. I think he ignored me as a safety because he thought I had lost my mind. I think he also did it because the one I was supposed to help hadn't come around yet. By evening I was getting frustrated. My sunny disposition was taking on a little bit of an edge as I became more insistent that he help me fulfill my pledge. Then we stopped to fuel up. I decided as we were pulling in that my RAOK would be to fill up the gas tank of someone. I looked around. I saw a minivan pull in and perked up until they pulled to a stop and the door flew open and I saw a woman holding her infant in her arms with not seat in sight. Couldn't bring myself to want to help there when that lack of safety for such a sweet life made me mad. Then I turned around and in pulled an Explorer. Seated inside was a cute young Hispanic couple and in the back seat were twin infant carseats. He pulled out $40 which I knew would never fill that tank since I drive and SUV and I knew they were exactly who I needed to help. So I asked if I could buy his gas. I know he thought I was crazy but he said okay. As we approached $20 he stopped the pump and tried to give me his cash. I restarted it and told him no. As we hit $40 he did it again and I repeated my step. I explained that it was important to me. I needed to do this for him. NEEDED. I filled his tank to the brim and told him to take his family out for Valentine's Day. I am sure he thought I was a crazy person but I felt so uplifted and full to bursting with love. Love for my friend and her angel. Love for my little lost ones. Love for life. I also felt so amazingly thankful for my blessings. It reminded me how much I enjoy doing things for others and how truly joyous it makes me feel to see the wonder on someones face when a stranger is kind to them. So make today your day to do a random act of kindness. It can be big or small but trust me it will leave you feeling so amazingly proud!

My Mountain Man Is Planning Away!

Recently the opportunity arose for us to purchase a Weekend Warrior FT 2200 in fabulous condition and 3 Suzuki Quads. A friend hit hard times and needed money fast and we had been discussing buying at least a pair of quads and the trailer to pull them for a while so it looked to be a good thing for all. So we got our ducks in a row and made sure it fit into the current budget. We pay a lot extra on our 2 debt items: Home and Auto, so it was something we were able to do much to mine and Hubby's surprise. (We have spent so much time on the building of credit and our personal survival stuff that I guess we never actually thought about a day when the hard work would pay off.) Anyway so Hubby and BIL go to pick up the purchases and bring them home and we have encountered an unforeseen issue. When we were buying I asked BIL what he figured weight was and his estimate was well within my tow range. HAHAHAHA....... Boys were a lot low on the weight so neither Hubby or my 4x4 have the tow strength needed. BIL has the capacity and with a little suspension help will pull it with ease so we will beef up his 3/4 ton. In my logical female way I threw out the thought. Since Our plan never really called for the big trailer but merely a cargo trailer why not sell it and buy the trailer we had planned. However once Hubby saw the WW and all its trimmings he decided it was much better in a SHTF moment. Kitchen, bathroom, and enough sleeping and storage space for a small family plus the mobility to flee. So the Plan it kit out BIL for now and the new save pile will be to upgrade either his or my truck so if and when we can tow it ourselves. If the worse were to happen my rig could get it there, it would just kill my rig to do it. I see his point, lol.

Expanding Our Hearth!

I have been a horrible poster. (We all have but the girls will have to beg for your forgiveness themselves, there is a reason Bitch is in our title, LOL!) In December our household grew by 3. My Hubby's brother and his children (Ages 16 and 12) moved in after he was laid off from his metal working job. My nephew is diabetic so the choice was rent or insulin. Obvious choice. It has been interesting. The house is full to bursting. My girls are loving it. My niece is the older kid and Monkey thinks the sun rises and sets with her. BIL (Brother-in-law) is a great cook so I get to share that now. It has been good for all of us. My FMS is slowly getting figured out but on the really bad days I actually have backup babysitters, lol. Both kids are happy to earn the spending money. In fact I had to get after my nephew because he has been rushing to grab Monkey when she wakes up in the morning before I even have a chance to wake up. It is super sweet but weird too to be pampered. So now I rarely do dishes because my niece washes and my nephew puts them away. Bug picks up the living room. A lot gets done these days with so many hands.

Embracing a new day!

I tend to live in my happy place as much as I can. I try to always find the blessings even in the worst of situations. I face life with the hope that it will be bright and beautiful. I know it isn't always that way. I have had my fair share of trials and cruddy days. Part of being me are the flashes of darkness before I make the light shine through. I was once asked what I would get for a tattoo if I had one and I had to think a minute before the answer became obvious. My husband and I are very much about there being meaning in something like that so for me it would be a fairy. She would be beautiful, long hair flowing down her back, wings spread as if about to fly, arms lifted and head thrown back with a grin of sheer joy on her face. In front of her is a mirror and her reflection is the total opposite. Wings drooping low, arms crossed over her chest as her head is bowed with tears streaming down her face. I feel like those two parts of me are there every day but I just choose to embrace the happier side. I think we all have the darkness. We all have battles to face, trials to overcome. We have to make a choice. We can let those hard things rule our lives or we can look at them and stand tall and smile and press through to the brighter side. Every day I have moments where I make the conscious choice to push through. I think everyone has those moments. It can be just getting out of bed on time rather than hitting the snooze button. It can be putting the Tylenol back in the bottle so you only take a healthy amount rather than try to dull life away. It can be taking a breath in a moment of frustration rather than letting loose the words that popped into our heads. They seem like little things but in the course of the day all those little positive choices add up until you are living your life in the sun and when those rain storms come you are much more likely to see the rainbows through the clouds!

I have also recently embraced letting go of things that add to the darkness. It is okay to remove yourself from situations that cause hurt. If they can't be healed to the point that the light can shine through than it is okay to step back and let go. In fact I think sometimes the only choice is to let go. It has taken me a long time to really truly grasp that idea. I am a fixer. I want to fix it even if it hurts. It may take a while because it is our nature to not want to do something painful but I still was pressing on. I was holing on to some negativity and letting it color how I felt about myself and what I was doing with my life. I am going to change that. It may not be as fast as I would like and I know I will still have moments where I step back to that place of negativity but I plan to embrace a new way of thought. I am beautiful. I am smart and willing to learn. I am creative. I am a fantastic wife, a terrific mother, and a dang good writer. I taught myself html. I have a life full of people I love and who love me for exactly who I am.

Who really needs more than that?

WikiLeaks = stupidity!

I have stated before that I am all about our rights. Free speech is a big one and one I support. I will never be able to state enough that personal responsibility and accountability has got to come in to play. Just because we can say or do something due to these rights we have been given does not mean that it is the right thing to do. Having rights and being right can be very different things.

Many are saying that this WikiLeaks thing is a free speech/free press thing. They have the right to say what they want. While I know other countries have many freedoms we enjoy I find it interesting that a group that is largely made up of non-Americans is hiding behind the First Amendment. The way I understand it is we have the right to say what we feel, follow the religion we choose, and the press has the right to report on what it chooses even if the government thinks national security may be threatened and does not have to reveal it's sources. Actually sharing stolen secret information in it's entirety doesn't seem to really fall into that category. I may be wrong. I don't know everything and with 2 sick kids have no time to actually research a ton though firstamendmentcenter.org and this page specifically on freedom of press was helpful and informative. I did look on wikipedia and found the last paragraph on international significance to be very interesting. I have been pretty impressed with the newspapers involved, at least the New York Times, because they have made sure to edit out info that puts lives at risk. They have shared info that has been embarrassing absolutely but they have made the effort to protect our interests and deserve commending for that.

Today on CNN I saw this article. Each day I have felt what I am sure millions have felt. A growing anger and even a dash of fear at the impact these "whistle blowers" could have on our security. Then today's article. To sum it up our State Department asked our diplomats from around the globe to identify key locations around the world that impact U.S. security. We are talking things like communications pipelines, chemical and mineral areas critical to our industry, dams, mines. The list goes on. CNN did not publish the list in an effort to maintain some semblance of security and I salute them for it.

As this has progressed over the last months I have wholeheartedly supported the espionage label. Sharing stolen documents, many labeled as secret and classified for a reason, with the public just reeks of at the very least a heavy disdain for the U.S. and at most a desire to see us destroyed. WikiLeaks and their lovely leader may not be pulling the trigger but they are handing the gun to someone who is more than happy to do so and in my book that is just as bad. This newest release seems to be sliding over that line from espionage into terrorism IMHO. Assange was already inching that way by distributing a large compressed encrypted "insurance policy" file. He said that he distributed the file with even more damaging info and that if the attacks on him and the website persisted he would release the key and unlock the information. What kind of whistle blower tries to blackmail people? I am beyond disgusted with this man and his organization. He is putting more lives than he can count at risk and he refuses to take any form of responsibility. All he is doing is being a good Samaritan and sharing with the public what they have the right to know. Please...... He is a bottom feeder who wanted to find a way to make a name for himself and this was the way he was going to do it. Hurt as many people as possible. How's that working out so far? It only gets better. Trust me.

Pedophile's Guide is fine because it is free speech?

I am all about our rights. I think free speech is great. I do think just because we can doesn't always mean we should but then I have the tendency to actually listen to the voice in my head that is my moral compass. Today on Facebook a number of friends posted a link about a book Amazon was selling that needed to be reported as inappropriate. It is a self-published book called "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child Lover's Code of Conduct". You read that right. A guide. For pedophiles. On how to behave with their "child lover". I'll give you a moment to go wash your mouth out and clean up the puke from where ever it landed. . . . . . . . . . . Back? Clean? Need a mint? I am disgusted. What is also disgusting to me is that Amazon is selling this trash. One blog has a response from Amazon basically saying that while they may not always agree with the material they are not in the business of judging but of selling to a massive audience whatever they want to buy. Like pedophiles who want a guide. The little blurb for this book reads:

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

Really. An attempt to help pedophile situations safer and sentences lighter when caught by creating a code of conduct. AND Amazon is selling it. To people. For profit. All I envision, and with my imagination the picture is on an IMAX screen in 3D with major surround sound, are the creepy kiddy porn nasties who have not actually gone through with hurting someone buying this book. They get their little "guide" and then they put it to use and so another pedophile enters the world and another helpless child is victimized because this piece of lovely literature was available on Amazon. The writer disgusts me and Amazon disgusts me and I am no longer going to be shopping with them. I may HATE crowds but I will do my Christmas shopping in person rather than on this site. Despicable to support the sale of this filth. I went to the books page on Amazon a reported it as inappropriate with a wonderful email. I hope they get enough hate emails to remove it.

Update: Looks like Amazon heard all of the comments (there were thousands) it was getting and took it down. Or it realized how truly liable it could be in helping get a "tool" into the hand of pedophiles. They removed the book. Good for them.

A loss is never the end.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. After I worked my way through those first months of grief and anger and fear I have not been shy about talking about my losses. I think the more society is aware of how truly prevalent this horrible tragic experience is the less it will be a hidden and taboo subject. I heard someone say recently when being asked when they would "Get over" the loss of their child "You never get over anything. That was my child and I lost her BUT I can move forward and I am. She would have wanted me to continue to live my life." For me that is such a truth. I still have moments where I ache. I have moments where I wonder what our lives would be like. I have even blogged on those feelings before. I think every parent that has lost their baby has rough moments no matter what comes after in their lives. It doesn't matter to us if we were pregnant for a week or we carried to term and suffered our loss later. Those little innocent beings were our babies. They were a piece of us. Sometimes we NEED to talk about them and all we need is for others to listen and to let us talk. Our grief is valid, our heartache is real. Those of us who are lucky enough to have validation move forward in a more healthy way but we shouldn't be the only ones. Every single parent who looses a baby should be able to get the love, support, and validation that they need. They should be able to talk openly about their experience without fear of others judgment, comment, or heaven forbid ridicule. Every other baby-loss parent I have talked to has said the same thing to me. They want to be able to have a weak moment without feeling like it's wrong to feel that way. If we start to talk to you about it out of the blue then it is probably a weak moment. Our breath has rushed from our bodies, our hearts of cracked a little and in that moment we have to talk about our loss. Listen. Don't turn away, don't pat us on the hand and say quiet platitudes. We know we will get through it because we work on it every day. Just let us feel what we feel and once the moment has passed and we have expressed what we needed to and feel like you understand and care we will probably get back to the joys and turmoil of life. When you are a parent and you suffer this loss you are forever changed and you need to be able to be changed and not hide it away and pretend it never happened. It doesn't just go away. A loss really is never the end of anything especially when it is a loss like this.

Amazing Rescue and Mining In My Life.

Who is not is awe by the rescue of the miners in Chile? 28 men are out as of now with 5 to go. These men are miracles. 2,000 feet down, buried under 700,000 tons of rock for 69 days. They have broken every mine disaster survival record by a landslide. Heck they have broken most disaster records. To be so far down with so few rations and to survive for so long is beyond miraculous. No one in recorded history has survived being trapped this deep for this long. They made 48 hours worth of food last well over 2 weeks. As they are emerging from the depths they are looking to be in better health than anyone could have ever imagined. Some are showing mental issues once they reach the hospital but that is to be expected. I know I would be a basket case if I had endured this.

This is by far not the worlds worst mining disaster. In fact it won't even rate if measured by casualties because lives have not been lost. The survival is what makes this story unique, the amazing rescue is what makes this story unique. Mining in general ranks as one of the deadliest professions in the world. Luckily the US isn't the worst place to be with 69 deaths in 2006-2007 according to MSHA and 11800 injuries reported. Other countries are not so lucky. China reports thousands of deaths each year.

Despite living in a country that tries to protect its miners we all know that does not always happen. We lost 29 coal miners in April of this year. It was one of the deadliest losses in decades for the US. If you also add the deaths related to mining the count jumps. Mining is a hard life. It is a back breaking life. Some of the men (and women but for this purpose I am going to not be politically correct.) choose this life for the money or the job security, some feel they have no other choice as it is the only real job source for miles, others follow behind fathers and uncles, and some just love digging in the earth. Still others do it not for what they pull from the ground but what is formed once the pulling is done. Tunnel builders are miners too, they just don't do it for what is in the ground but what they build beneath it. Hubby has done both. He worked in coal when we were first married as a subcontractor. He did the weld work on the support system. Every day he went 14 miles below ground and welded in a sometimes combustible atmosphere that was always dangerous. He was always in an unstable zone and there to make it more stable. Now he builds tunnels. The jobs he has been on so far have been under the water table so if a cave in occurs there is no chance of a void to keep him safe. Mud and water will fill each and every crevice. If he wasn't crushed he would drown. This newest job seems to be pretty unstable as well. You can never know exactly what every inch of ground is going to be made up of until you are in it despite all the geologic checking in the world. He will still go every day though because he loves it and because his job improves life. In this particular job it ensures a water supply for the area when they are at risk of loosing it.

The family of a miner also has to step up. We have to send our men off every day with a smile knowing they are at risk. We need to be supportive. We need to always understand that they are in a high stress situation for hours every work day and with that comes a need to let off steam. I am blessed that Hubby's release is watching movies and hunting. I also have to hide my fear. Hearing my worry does nothing but take his mind off of his job and that can cause more harm than good. I live knowing that in my husband's case rescue is a slim shot. Recovery is probably even a slim shot. I also will not ever ask him to stop doing what he loves despite the physical and mental toll. I am so proud of him and of the work he does. I will always be proud to be a miner's wife!!

I know there are many other dangerous jobs. There are many men and women who risk their lives every day to do what they do to make the world a better place and many families who love and support them as they do it. I respect each and every one of them immeasurably and am not writing this to take away from them. I am writing this because I want the world to be aware of the amazing job that miners do every day and the stress they face to do it. They deserve more miracles such as the one we are watching today.

Bountiful Basket!!

If you are committed to eating healthy then you probably buy a lot of produce. I know I do. My kids love it, my husband loves it, and I..... well I force myself because it is better for my FMS. I am amazed at how much it can cost to buy our fruit and veggies for the week. Recently I found an amazing solution courtesy of a friend even more dedicated to the healthy living mentality. Bountiful Baskets!! For $15 for a normal basket and $25 for Organic I get multiple fruits and vegetables!! Easily lasts for the week. Last week I did the organic basket (they do them every other week.) I got 4lbs of apples, 3 mango, about 8 nectarine, 2 big melons, 2 heads lettuce, tomato, 3 little tomato looking things of different colors, and broccoli. I love it. It forces me to eat even better because I don't want it to spoil and it makes everyone else happy because they get a better variety than picky Mom usually brings home. The only addition I made from the store was green grapes because Monkey is addicted!! I also spent an extra $10 and got 7 dozen tortillas in varying sizes and types. I just placed my order for this week and I got a basket and my add on is 2lbs of Apple Cranberry Raisin granola. I am saving money and eating better and am so thrilled with this discovery. Now I am sure you are wondering what on earth it is. Well a couple of women were tired of the expense of produce and were determined for their families to eat better. So they started Bountiful Baskets. It is a co-op. Every one puts in their money and in return these wonderful women arrange to buy as locally as possible saving on the cost of transportation and making it more affordable to buy. For example instead of getting their bananas from South America which is the usual place the big stores use BB ships from Mexico. Apples from WA, Oranges from Arizona or Cali. Another cool thing is this is year round when the farmers markets are seasonal. I am so impressed and thrilled with this find! It is available in almost all of the western states so look them up and see if there is a location near you!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?

It's snowing here already. Not in the valley, thank goodness. But the top of the mountains is covered in snow and it is COLD!! I guess it's time to pull the winter clothes down out of the attic.