Ideas?

You guys have been so great with ideas I thought you might have more. Hubby's project is finally after many delays getting close to where he can do the job he came here to do. Until then he has been welding. Since he is in final prep in the tunnel he has been welding in temps of 120+ and easily either sweats through his clothes or the water from the tunnel soaks him. When it was cooler he wore under armor or thermals but now wearing them would give him heat stroke very quickly. So now we have a problem. He has to wear double fronted Carhart work pants. Thick rough jeans that now get soaked every day with no protective layer between them and his skin means painful rubbing and chafing across his legs. Add that he designed a new man-life for the crane to drop the men the 600+feet down the shaft and he has been in a harness at times hanging suspended to weld as well. Any ideas? The guys think pantyhose but I think that there has to be an ultra thin layer of something better suited. I know you guys hunt so thought you might have some thoughts.

I did it!!

I finally finished my re-write of chapter 1 on my first book. Uggg........ I put the new and the old up on my facebook if anyone is interested in checking it out. Add me by my email Lila at readlilawilliams dot com!! It has some cussing and a chick gets beat by her husband but she gets some good licks in too and she leaves. I like the new much better than the old but would love some thoughts!

When you face a darkness it is always with you in odd moments.

I was a teen statistic. I was rebellious, I was often sneaking out, I flirted with whatever danger I could find and if the proposition seemed sweet enough I did a lot more than flirt. I did it in cycles. Some months I was the A student, head in her books, always in class, the next few months I was cutting constantly and high as a kite as I slinked away with whatever boy I was desperate enough to let in my life. When I was acting out I was a liar. If I spoke it was probably a lie. Somehow I maintained a 30 hour a week job and managed to do my junior and senior years at once to graduate early. I was pretty weird. Driven to be on my own but sick of life. I was at war with myself and my parents. My dad did the best he could but emotion and females we not his strong suit and my biological mother walked at her first chance and never looked back. I learned during these teen years that the abuse i thought was dreams was truth from her and knew I was better off but a huge part of me ached for a mom. Luckily at 16 I got one and to this day she is a wonderful addition to my life and though she and my dad later divorced he has also grown much better at communication and is happily married which seems to help our relationship.

All of the up and down led to some pretty rough times. I am a very emotional person. I cry over everything even if I don't want to. I just teared up singing to Monkey for nap time because I was so full of love for her. It is frustrating to me but it completely drives people around me demented. Luckily Hubby tends to let me cry and then once I am done and back to being me we talk. So from a young age the people around me told me to stop crying. All. The. Time. Even if it was something worth crying over. So when I got upset as a teen I cut myself. Or I had sex. Or I did drugs. Or I drank. I looked for ways to hide from any emotion. I wrote a lot but that usually meant feeling too much. So all the acting out to hide led to more stupidity. I tried to commit suicide. Luckily that failed.

One thing that helped and still helps is music. Music seems to find a way to express how I feel when I can't. I also write my books. I knew I wanted to write love stories but I decided to add more crime to them, more overcoming these horrible things to find love. That gives me a couple good things. I get to re-imagine myself every time I tell a story. I also get to kill a few people in extremely gory ways at times and get some vengeance without ever having to really be violent. Such a cathartic experience.

I think any time we go through times when we feel drenched in darkness pieces of it linger as a reminder of what we saw and did and what we overcame. I catch a glance of them in odd moments as I go about my life. I am blessed that when I met my Hubby we were both in the dark but saw something in the other we wanted to save and we each knew that to do that we would have to step into the light as well. We took a journey together that has had it's moments where it felt like the dark was going to pull us back but we struggled and fought through and we continue every day to save the other.

Nothing is permanent. No bad time is endless. It can be easy in a moment of strife to look back at a seemingly better time and wish we were there instead of in the trials surrounding us. One thing I have to do is find something positive always. Yes money sucks, bills seem endless, health is crazy, kids are fighting, blah blah...... BUT I have a great marriage. I have beautiful daughters. I have food in my belly and a roof over my head. I have more than I ever dreamed I would and I would not change that. For all the worries and fears I live a very blessed life.

So I leave you with some of the songs that have spoke to me. Yes they are all girly. Sorry for that. None of them are classic anything. But the words speak to me about my feelings in the dark and my journey through and the fabulousness of the life I live. Maybe they will help you, make you smile, give you a laugh, or lift your spirits. (Or someone you know as tough strong men admitting to enjoying Demi Lovato would be crazy right?)

Making a list and checking it twice!

Okay. My guy is a hard worker. When we are in prep he works 50 a week. When he is tunneling he can work a whole lot more. We have had years where he was lucky to have 10 days total off the entire year. As this job is behind I imagine that will be the case here soon. So unless he is in a frame of mind where he isn't recovering from the work I leave him be on discussing bigger things. This past weekend he was cleaning. He does that when I have been especially sick. This included reorganizing his side of our bedroom. (I swear aliens move in, I stay far far away.) He also repacked his gobag. This gave me the perfect opening to say that I would like to add bags for all of us, discuss a family meeting place out of the city, and I think a get home bag for him is in order. Once again I was surprised to learn he had pretty much everything in his truck to get home except a decent gun and the reason for that is his project is such as it is that weapons are prohibited and vehicles are searched. Other items are prohibited as well. I didn't know that. You learn every day right. So we are planning out our bags. Woohoo.

I have also come to a bit of a realization. Yes I am slow on some of these at times. My FMS has me on 2 meds currently. Part of the problem for most with FMS is sleep. We don't. If we do we don't do it deeply enough to get that good healing sleep. I went to the doctor to discuss my recent after camping flare and my sleep. My usual plan had been Tylenol PM several nights a week. Can't be healthy. I wanted to see what I could do to improve my sleep medicinally that wouldn't completely knock me out. I need to be able to get up because Monkey still wakes sometimes. She had no idea. So I had Hubby pick up a "natural" sleep pill. It is a blend of herbs and such that are all supposed to help induce sleep. They do nothing for me so far. But it did get me thinking. I need to keep this search up. When SHTF I need ways to help with my sleep and my pain without meds. Gracie actually uses an oil and thinks it might help me. That would be something to look into using and making myself. I would also like to know how to help my husband with his pain. I have a pretty good herbal medicine book but I think I need a couple more. Some specific to pain and FMS, a book on making my own oils, a book with pictures to help with identification of herbs.

I have also decided that since I can't realistically stockpile food here as this is a horrid location if SHTF I want to look into seed storage. Now that the boys have told me a where I can plan to that and store things I know we can grow there. Also considering looking at an acre in that area. Just a small plot for simple storage purposes maybe. Prices are very low right now so it might be something to think about.


What have you found necessary in a gobag with children? Planning for Hubby and I is one thing and there are obvious needs for the girls that we would carry but what special needs might they have? I welcome your thoughts!

It takes a village!

I am of the firm belief that raising children takes a village. I think children need to be surrounded by love. Mine, I think, are lucky. My husband and I are very much in love still. We are a solid unified unit. Some question that. I have had people tell me there is no possible way we can be that happy. We fight, sure. We have moments where we tick the other off or we hurt the other with a stupid word. I think his habit of sticking candy wrappers in a cup is psychotic. He hates that I don't rinse the tub after I use it or put a towel on the floor over the mat to step on. We deal. We have had some pretty bad moments where leaving crossed both our minds. I have always been sick so all that FMS entails but without the diagnosis made me not easy to deal with especially when I was a young moody mother and he has some demons of his own though almost 5 years of sobriety has helped a lot. We always had a few rules. Never go to bed mad. This resulted in some sleepless nights early in our marriage. Divorce is not an option. EVER. I took a couple trips to see family to give us both some room when things were really bad. All of that means that my kids have parents who love each other passionately and fight for each other and for them. It means we are a great unit.

That is beautiful and more than a lot of kids these days can boast but I think kids need more. Luckily mine have that. Right now my husband's oldest brother Bubba (yes we call him that!) lives with us along with his 16-yr-old daughter and 12-yr-old son. This has been a blessing to both sets of kids. It is really great for my niece and nephew to see a good marriage and to spend time with younger kids. My niece is amazing with our little one and our 9-year-old adores her as well. She hides behind a goth/emo facade but is actually a pretty mature and tender girl. Seeing a woman with morals making good choices is good for her. My nephew is diabetic. Being the back up to my BIL means that my nephew is better maintained and taken care of.

I take my responsibilities as an aunt very seriously. I think that it is good for them to know that they have some one to talk to. In October we will be at 22 nieces and nephews and I hope that all of them know that they have us to talk to if they need it.

We also nurture our children's relationships with their grandparents. I think we could probably do better with that but my anti-social tendencies can be a hamper there.

Another reason I think it is so important to nurture the wider relationships is because if SHTF the kids are the ones most at risk. They need to know who they can count on, where they are. They need a network of people to depend on.

Guns and some needed advice.

Okay. So I need some advice from you lovely gentleman with your vast gun knowledge and incredible amounts of experience in the buying, selling, and trading of said guns. I am young, female, and new to this shooting stuff and Hubby is in the arming for a purpose rather than collecting part of things so we are both completely out of our depth.

A friend is trying to sell part of his collection to aid a grown daughter as she opens her own business. He has worked with my guy for a while and because I am "internet savvy" wanted help trying to sell his guns. They are listed on Guns America. We managed to sell one in the past few months. Three others remain.

The big daddy is a Connecticut Special Launch Edition 20 ga. Side by Side by RBL valued at $12,000

He is asking $8,500. Mint condition.

Then is the K22 6 shot S&W Revolver, Not mint but close. Asking $900

The last is a Browning Challenger .22 made in 1971. Mint condition, never fired, original box. He is asking $800.



I recommended taking them to gun shows and taking the Connecticut to Bass Pro for at the very least a nicely documented appraisal from their fine gun staff. He is a bit stubborn and short on time though so they sit on GA and wait. Thoughts? Ideas? What can we do? Places to list them? I feel awful because he asked for my help but I told him I have no idea what to do beyond listing them for sale.

A cause very close to my heart.

For the newcomers to the blog I will share the background before making my plea. I am a fertility dud. Hubby and I have had 2 losses that we know of. When I had my most recent loss in 2008 my then doctor told me she would do nothing to see what the issue was until I had 3 consecutive losses. Since I had carried a healthy baby to term that meant she wanted 2 more miscarriages. Well I was a mess. I was suicidal. It had taken years for us to conceive each pregnancy. I was then referred to a new OBGYN by a friend from church who was facing the same thing. After some testing we discovered I didn't produce the correct hormones to sustain pregnancy and had very likely had multiple early miscarriages. I was lucky enough that my new doctor's hope and those tests meant that when I came up pregnant again fairly quickly I was put on meds and after a rough pregnancy was able to have our little Monkey. But I still grieved at the thought of all the potential babies I knew about or didn't know about. I knew that I physically and mentally could not handle more losses and made the choice to tie my tubes. I wanted to feel less alone. Another baby loss Mom led me to an amazing organization called Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope. They are all about raising awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and giving support to the parents of those sweet little ones. They have applied for a grant in the Pepsi Refresh Contest and need votes. So I am asking you to vote. Vote for your mom, your wife, your sister, your daughter, your friend. Vote for every woman who has or will have to go through this very painful experience. This group gives support and comfort when it seems like no one else on earth can possibly understand. They deserve to gain the ability to spread their love farther!

Birdzilla

Meet Mr Chicken.

We found someone to adopt my murderous rooster and my hen molesting duck. My hens got this strapping bird in exchange. Mr. Chicken is a cochen. He was given to me by a friend of a friend because she had two of these guys. He is quite gentleman courting my hens and doing his best to get on their good side. The girls are still a bit apprehensive. They try to fight with him, which is funny because he just looks at them like "Is that supposed to hurt?" I am hoping any chicks from this guy will lay jumbo eggs and be just as gentle as he is. Here's hoping!!

So this is how it went....

Hehehe. We went camping for the weekend. I went up Thursday with Monkey, Bug, and Nephew. I pulled the trailer myself on the 3+ hour drive and set up camp. The idea was to have me go up early before the holiday rush to make sure we had a good spot. None of us are afraid to rough it and actually enjoy it but one of the sisters is 5 months pregnant so we decided to use an organized campground with bathrooms and running water. That was the plus side, the down side was the people, the paying for the spot, and the fact that we couldn't have our quads at our camp. My nephew seemed rather surprised that I knew what I was doing with pulling the trailer as well as setting up camp. Goofy boy. I tried to explain that I camped a lot as a kid but I don't think he got it.

Friday early we took out the quads for a ride since nephew is a very capable driver. It was fabulous! Beautiful scenery and a huge well maintained trail system focused on the quads meant less hard to the surrounding area because everyone wasn't making their own trails. By 9 PM we went from 4 to 28 in our camp. Yes we make a big bunch and that wasn't every one.

Saturday and Sunday was spent together just letting the kids play. Each sibling took a meal to feed everyone so things were spread around evenly. We had quad rides, hiking, and cave exploration. We told stories, did skits, and made smores.

I think all of us were sad to leave on Monday despite the fact we were all in sore need of a bath. It is a wonderful treat to have so many of my husbands siblings together. (6 out of 7)

Now I am home. My reader has well over 100 posts to read. I make a dent and more pop up. If I don't comment a ton do know I am reading all of it, lol.

One bad thing is that now that I am home I am in a flare. When I am in a need to function mode I push everything aside and do what I have too. Since we were camping and that meant no child safe room, no ideal sleep environment, no sticking to my diet and the like I pushed on, ignored my body and functioned. Now I am paying for it. I hurt all over. Large smears of dirt turned out to be bruises and even Tylenol is not touching things. I stumbled across a wonderful website called But You Don't Look Sick and the creator has a great way of explaining her Lupus. FMS is very very similar to that. By her spoon theory I borrowed against my spoons and am now spoonless for a bit until I can recover. It sucks like crazy but I wouldn't change it because I had so much fun being with every one. I did hold myself back on somethings and I did make sure that when a ride was being especially brutal I took it slow so as to lessen the beating my body took. I have learned to try to balance though I admit I didn't do a very good job of it this weekend. I won't be surprised if I end up sick on top of my flare. Bleck!

Well I am off to bed blog friends! Night. I am glad to read of all of your doings and thoughts and look forward to continuing to catch up!

Oh and the chili was amazing!!

Happy Independence Day everyone!